Something happened on the road after Highway “Damn I’m 40”
its like the inner sex demon freak in me got awakened
borrowed a neighbors power saw
and has started mowing through men of questionable character
like some reject from Slaughterhouse 5
Wow.
Can I pick ‘em, or can I pick ‘em?
Mr. Quiet Voice
First we have a shy man in a souped up truck
with its Blackflys decal on the back-tinted window.
Not too shy to smile at me every Wednesday night for three hours
but shy enough not to ask for my number.
This one was a mystery
of unknown heritage, employment and relationship status
A cute guy with white teeth
and a low voice that spoke to me in volumes.
I am desperately intrigued.
I find his phone number, call him, you know the drill.
He’s been in a serious relationship with another guy for 16 months.
So much for my radar. It’s broken.
He was a notion.
He was possibility.
Ayup.
Can I pick ‘em, or what?
Mr. Southern Gentlemen
The second was an on-line dating attempt at disaster.
He shoulda been a contender.
I shoulda been committed for even thinking an online dating site might produce Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Wants-Me.
A writer himself whose influences are Fitzgerald, Melville and Hardy
Blue-eyed, red haired and Southern fried
This one was part mystery
and our connection one of the mind
We discussed M.C. Escher, argued the merits of Melville
and promised each other a trip to Paris if this all worked out.
Our dance marinated across phone lines and web access
We met over lunch for our first date, afterwhich he decides
the 90 minute drive is just too draining.
Well, I must be all that and a bag of Decaf.
He was expectation.
He was hope.
Yep. I’m 0 for 2.
I got game.
now where is that damn weed whacker.
Mr. Area Code
Ah yes, my mythical creature from a far away NYC area code
with his Angelina Jolie lips
long wiry chin hair and metal bending tendencies.
This one had a secret.
He introduced me to Hendricks gin
kissed my lips until they bled
shoved, pulled, pinched, prodded, smacked, licked, and whipped me
until my skin screamed his name.
He was discovery.
He was exploration.
Turns out he has a wife and a female slave. His wife has another boyfriend and his female slave is married to another woman.
Nuff said.
In case you’re not counting, that’s 0 for 3.
My Mr. Firefighting Bartender
Then there is my bartender
He of the stocky frame and wide shoulders
who makes me crazy good alcoholic concoctions that taste like candied coffee
melts in my mouth, burns down my throat
Just like I want him to.
He is no mystery.
Just a 27 year old wink and a smile
who percolated in my chest, grew root there
sprouting thorns that bleed and feed me.
Last night we went to a ballgame
sat so close our skin touched from knees to shoulder, and
with ‘Summertime’ by Mungo Jerry playing over the loud speakers
(my Dad’s favorite song)
we watched the Friday Night Fireworks show burst under dense stars
in the sky
He is my dream.
He is earth shaker.
Didn’t keep him from drinking too much
I called for a ride home, he refused to take it
and while I tried to get the keys from him, he ran through the parking lot to jump in his own car.
I smell the remains of cologne and beer in the dry earth air particles left in his rapid wake.
If this were a reality TV show featuring somewhat mentally challenged females as they struggle with dating, I’d be the first one cast.
Fucking brilliant.
That’s 0 for 4.
I seek calibration.
I need to tweak the “like a 20 year old guy” inside me who thinks and dreams about getting nasty between the sheets
all day
and all night.
But I can’t do the dirty tango with just anyone.
Oh no
I have to be all fracking particular.
That stretch of moat around my heart that has never let anything
ruin it but for moonlight and words is drying up.
Now I’m letting all the animals cross.
All I want to do is take flight
make plans
stay warm
blaze a trail
tell a story
My inner butterfly is ready
emerging from her secret grotto
she’s all fluttery and brilliant and nuanced
marked with her peoples ancient scrawl
But
like any mad bird flying directly into the sun
Ready and ready and ready
to implode.
© 2008 mstrace
Cause for Calibration
Just getting back from a few days away, leaving again for a short little vacation on a beach south of Santa Barbara. I need the rest. I need the relaxation. But hey I did get in touch my muse for the Plaster Goodbye the Bitch Goddess piece. That wonderful little conversation is what sprouted this little ditty here. I dunno…I must need God’s gift of a mechanic to open my insides up and fix the clanking going on in there. Because my radar is SERIOUSLY off people.
Jaybe, about 1 month ago
I fucking LOVE your writing…......go look at my Serenity Prayer, it might help. There’s definitely something in the water. lmao
Naomi Downie, about 1 month ago
Inspiring!!!! love your work baby …makes me want to write my own misadventures of the heart, at least I’m not the only girl whose had a man glaze lovingly into my eyes hold my hand whisper his dreams then introduce me to his boyfriend…sing your song you speak for us all.
LisaG, about 1 month ago
A fucking brilliant write and read…..babe, I’m sorry for your 0 count…..I just love the way you’ve ended this, I relate, I applaud, what a liberating flight, you taking passengers?
XOXOXO
Outdoors2, about 1 month ago
Enough 0 and 4’s You get to walk, 4 of those and at home plate? you’ll meet the Catcher....;)
Had me rolling and sighing too…;)
MtnMan, about 1 month ago
Making it real just does not seem to pay off any more…
mstrace in reply to Naomi Downie’s comment, about 1 month ago
LOL…thanks Naomi…so glad you commiserate!! Doesn’t bother me he’s gay (actually he’s bi) but that I had zero inkling. He says he did stare because he thought I was attractive but never asked for my # cuz he’s in a relationship. This is perfectly acceptable. But its coming at me in a series of misadventures – thank gawd for the writing as outlet. ;>
mstrace in reply to Jaybe’s comment, about 1 month ago
and dangit…I just LOVE your fucking work too! Thanks for reading darlink. Can’t wait for the Serenity Prayer cards!!
mstrace in reply to LisaG’s comment, about 1 month ago
yes, zee senorita eez takink passengers…the ride will be a leetle, er…bumpy.
I’m soooo glad you relate. Cuz its really more like 0 for 10, but I only went back four dudes…LOL!
x’s and o’s right back at you, my brilliant girl.
mstrace in reply to MtnMan’s comment, about 1 month ago
Mtn – i’ve got to get the “glass half full” mentality going…then I’ll believe in my guts that one day my making it real will pay big dividends! ;>
MtnMan, about 1 month ago
I read your profile and it sounds like you have a perfect boyfriend????
mstrace in reply to MtnMan’s comment, about 1 month ago
Mtn…lol! You must have missed out where the paragraph starts with In a Past Life...cuz it was basically writing down a fantasy dude. He doesn’t exist anywhere, but I’d take half of him… ; )
LisaG, about 1 month ago
I’m up for bumpy ;)
hmmmm I can’t believe there are not as many good men out there as their are women….grrrrrrrrrrr I always wanted to be a Jewish matchmaker, alas – I’m not jewish and I’m scared to match make, incase I fuck up…
XO
MtnMan, about 1 month ago
If I read that any closer I would have been hitting on you! Sorry that got by me. I’m still shocked that women like men at all, I know men and i know me, and it is not pretty. Yet we do hook up one way or another. Societies rules are hard to actually live by unless the two original lovers truly do fit like a glove.
mstrace in reply to MtnMan’s comment, about 1 month ago
Mtn, I can always type in teensy teensy tiny font sizes so that you have to read SO very close to the computer screen you wouldn’t just be hitting on me, you’re head would be pushing through my monitor… ;>
MtnMan, about 1 month ago
I like you! I wear reading glasses thank you very much. You are very funny, smart and fast. But I can’t go to bed grinning like an idiot…
mstrace in reply to MtnMan’s comment, about 1 month ago
Ah…but what a way to go to sleep!
MtnMan, about 1 month ago
Yeah like that will happen… goodnight.
Roy barry, about 1 month ago
There was me thinking that I was the only one who had an infinitely bad taste in partners and a radar that had been hit by lightning!
I really do have to say just how much this cheered me up- not in a “ha ha, look at the idiot” kind of fashion but in a “well, it really can happen to the best of us” kind of way…
mstrace in reply to Roy barry’s comment, about 1 month ago
thank you Mr. Barry…and its good for me to know that women aren’t the only gender with a badly dented rusted constantly malfunctioning radar (big cheshire cat grin). I’m off to my little vacation on the beach – can’t wait to catch up with you, my RBers and the bubble activity when I get back!!
Roy barry, about 1 month ago
HAve fun, relax and don’t worry about the radar too much- they do have a habit of self correcting, when you least expect it.
Don’t forget, when you return, I’ll be checking for tan lines…...........
Mel Brackstone, about 1 month ago
I hope your little vacation has given you a new lease of life Trace. Your stories are, as always, fabulous reading, if not a little saddening to read about the bad things you’re going through.
mstrace in reply to Mel Brackstone’s comment, about 1 month ago
Ah Mel, one must retain ones sense of humor in light of all this…romantic (or lack thereof) pitifulness – don’t cha think??
Mel Brackstone, about 1 month ago
abso-bloody-lutely!