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12 months on (tsunami of emotion)

March 2011, I wondered why?
How had we gone from flying
to a couple manic and anxious,
so very troubled and crying?

From a smouldering passion
to me so afraid and weary,
while you were hospitalised
and treated much too cruelly.

I felt an internal fire spark, unbelieving
that this was the preferred 21st century
treatment for mental illness, horrified
by the systemic lies and insincerity.

I would have set Broadmeadows on fire,
wanted to burn away the jaded attitudes,
so nobody escaped my tormented rage,
or offered us any more empty platitudes.

Whether midnight, midday, or dawn,
I felt powerless to avoid the rip tide,
a tsunami of emotion snared my insides,
until I overcame the urge to flee or fight.

Even chasing my red fox sun in dreams,
I kept pacing and waiting, but lacked focus.
I knew your body ached to be running free,
and suspected there was a cosmic joke on us.

We’d been so happy in Brunswick, yet,
an inexorable slide led to us being malcontents.
You’d seen too much that could not be explained,
it triggered a manic episode and fuelled distress.

Although Melbourne once sparkled bright
for me, for you, it epitomised insecurity.
Dark, damaged, greedy beyond repair,
to escape insanity, we made our home elsewhere.

Ballarat only a transition phase,
now we’re happy, proud and pleased
to call Capalaba and Brisbane our home -
12 months on, how much we have achieved!

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12 months on (tsunami of emotion) by 


A poem reflecting on so much progress in the last 12 months – happy days indeed. My favourite line in the poem concerns a tsunami of emotion and when I first saw this artwork by XadrikXu, I remembered it immediately, so he then named the artwork thus. The swirling colours hold so much energy and interest – I highly recommend visiting his impressive portfolio of art.

Reminds me of how I feel about Hilltop Hoods – Chase That Feeling

“Chase That Feeling”

[VERSE 1: PRESSURE]
She’s young, lithe and homely, wise by no means,
Known one guy she’s for his eyes and only,
He’s a lying phony, leaves crying, lonely,
Separates the pain by staying high and though she,
Might just O.D. high price to go free,
This ain’t living, listen it’s dying slowly,
It’s got a hold on me, she can chase that feeling,
It’s got a hold on me, don’t chase that feeling

[VERSE 2: PRESSURE]
Sometimes I feel we strive for a life of apathy,
Callous deeds, other mindless acts of greed,
Ain’t jack for free, I think they’d try a tax to breathe,
It’s like we fight to remind us that we bleed,
I take flight in the night from lack of sleep,
Cause peace of minds the only time that we’re free,
It’s got a hold on me, and I’m a chase that feeling,
It’s got a hold on me, we all chase that feeling

[VERSE 3: SUFFA]
It’s like they try to build you up to watch it all collapse,
You try climb out the pit, they’ll try claw you back,
Like back in the factory packing the shelves,
It was hell cos the foreman was always harassing me,
Like ‘How’s your little old music thing going?’
Now I’m like ‘How’s your bitter old loser shit going?’
And I’m right, it’s got a hold on me, and I’m a chase that feeling,
It’s got a hold on me, I’m a chase that feeling like

[CHORUS]
And I’m a chase that feeling,
Take that pain and replace that feeling,
And I’m a take that healing then,
Stand so tall they’ll have to raise that ceiling man

[VERSE 4: PRESSURE]
From a young age I was making my mark, chasing my start,
Forever ain’t enough when your state of the art,
Fuck the haters that had said I’d never make it this far,
It’s the pavers that I’d tread to dedicate to my craft,
I’ve tailored every thread to bear the shape of my heart,
Treating every breath as my first and day as my last,
It’s got a hold on me, I still chase that feeling,
It’s got a hold on me, yeah I still chase that feeling

[VERSE 5: SUFFA]
I ride the rails of a vinyl track,
Fall into a trance and there ain’t no climbing back,
Sit and lose myself in all the hidden loops,
They’re like forbidden fruits, I’m like can I get a bite of that?
Gin and juice, I get loose and I write a track,
Shivers down my spine, feeling more like a spinal tap,
It’s got a hold on me, and I’m a chase that feeling,
It’s got a hold on me, I’m a chase that feeling like

[CHORUS]
And I’m a chase that feeling,
Take that pain and replace that feeling,
And I’m a take that healing then,
Stand so tall they’ll have to raise that ceiling man

[VERSE 6]
At start of the summer,
I’m a come to life and have the heart of a hummingbird,
And I can hear the drummer,
She’s so ugly but I’m so in love with her,
Wake up, roll out of bed, throw on some roll-on,
Roll up to the studio,
It’s got a hold on me, and I’m a chase that feeling,
Chase that feeling

Tags

12 months, year, achievement, progress, hospital, mental, health, happiness, brisbane, melbourne, broadmeadows, brunswick

I’ll defer to Anna Quindlen, of The New York Times: “People who are knowledgeable about poetry sometimes discuss it in that knowing, rather hateful way in which oenophiles talk about wine: robust, delicate, muscular. This has nothing to do with how most of us experience it, the heart coming around the corner and unexpectedly running into the mind. Of all the words that have stuck to the ribs of my soul, poetry has been the most filling.”

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Comments

  • ellamental
    ellamentalover 2 years ago

    Deeply real……. awake and free …. I can tell from your words you live this way. That’s good.

  • Thanks so much dear Ella! ’Tis the only way to live. I agree :D

    – msdebbie

  • fototaker
    fototakerover 2 years ago

    glad you can still be happy now and see how far y’all have gone. it takes a great individual to know the hardship and be a survivor of these trying times. welcome back to the sol (happiness)

  • Thanks fototaker! I do my best to enjoy or learn from the journey!

    – msdebbie

  • bellmusker
    bellmuskerover 2 years ago

    Congratulations on finding your way back into the light, despite the difficult journey. Sometimes, that’s the only way we can recognise our blessings when we finally get them….well done, you X x

  • Thanks Bell! I have become a bigger fan of these reflective-type poems in the last few months. It’s been weird, crazy at times, but we’re so so happy now. And not taking anything for granted!!! Thanks for such a lovely comment xxx

    – msdebbie

  • helene ruiz
    helene ruizover 2 years ago

    fantastic! u are one talented lady! I love the way you paint with words!

  • Oh thanks for such a beautiful comment Helene. Thank you so much!!!

    – msdebbie

  • ModernMythology
    ModernMythologyover 2 years ago

    Such a deep and personal write. Very brave. Bravo!

  • Thanks dearest, I like celebrating triumph over adversity – and in many ways, the last 12 months were the weirdest/worst of my 36 years, but nowadays we are back to being very happy. Later this month I start a new public service job. Life is getting good again!!!

    – msdebbie

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