The stereotypical person who likes to be out in the boonies does not match up well with the stereotypical computer geek. If the these two types were to engage in a conversation, the computer-literate person might need to adapt to accommodate some non-computerish jargon:
Monitor – Carefully watchin’ a stream or field.
Mouse – A cute furry li’l creature that makes noises nearby while yer waitin’ in a blind, and it makes ya think there’s somthin’ comin’.
Screen saver – Bein’ careful not to knock down yer carefully placed branches and bushes so the screen is still there to hide behind nex’ weekend.
Hard drive – Any time ya gotta put the 4×4 in low range to climb over rocks and logs to git to wherever you need to git.
External hard drive – When that big weekend comes along and you drive out of province or out of state with yer buddies.
Wireless – Open pasture land where ya don’ hafta worry about gettin’ yer pants caught on barbed wire fences to have access to a river or huntin’ area.
Keyboard – Where all the keys hang just inside the door.
JPEG – That hook on the keyboard for hangin’ yer keys.
USB connection – “Unscheduled Socializing with Buddies” where you learn a good tip about where the fish are bitin’, where the bucks been hidin’ …stuff like that.
Online – When ya got a fish on!
Web – That stringy sticky stuff that gits in yer face when yer walkin’ thru the woods
Website – Where ya know to look out fer a web.
Word Doc – The busiest dock at the lake where ya can go southword, eastword, etc.
Print preview – The scribblin’ that kids do before kindergarten where they learn to print.
Properties – Private land where y’ain’t allowed to go huntin’ or fishin’.
Undo – Whatever it takes to make friends with the neighbour again when yer bull somehow got in with his heifers, or ya left the gate open fer just a few minutes while you were huntin’ or fishin’ and all his cows got on the highway …stuff like that.
Tool bars – That’s them boards with nails stickin’ out to hang yer tools on. Kinda like a keyboard, if ya know what I mean.
Document – All them papers ya gotta sign fer yer mortgage, the ones that nobody reads ‘cause nobody can read that lawyer talk.
Bookmark – That’s the mark on the wall that’s gotta be fixed from when yer kid got all frustrated learnin’ calculus, or… or… computer stuff.
Bullets and numbering – This is where ya count out how many rounds to take with ya fer huntin’. Ya want to be sure to have lots.
AutoCorrect options – When the truck breaks down out in the boonies, ya check yer toolbox to see what options ya got fer options to correct it.
Insert in – This is when y’ain’t sure about somethin’, like if ya should take a chance that ya won’t git caught if ya don’t got a licence …if you don’t got a licence, you CAN be certin you’ll meet up with the Fish & Game folks.
Backspace – When yer truck is stuck in a mud hole or snow, how much space is there to back up to take a run at it?
Select – Choosing a new president or mayor, as if there’s much difference between ‘em all.
New Window – Ya gotta get one or two of these after givin’ yer kid his first slingshot, even though you told ‘im, “Now always watch out fer what’s behind yer targit!”
Help – You need this when you run out of AutoCorrect Options, or when the NewWindow is too big, or the bank insists that the Document says you owe more money …that kind of thing. And it’s great to have help when that 2-ton moose yer so proud of, is a mile and a half from the nearest road.
This is the first in a series of “computer jargon” writings adapted to apply to some of our RedBubble groups.