Attn: God. *Thd.D M.O.A.T
CEO of Universal Creations Incorporated
Level 2012 Pearly Gates Penthouse Suite
Paradise Tower 1
Re: Most recent request for the meaning of life.
Ref No : 23431257433
I’m writing to you again about my most recent application regarding the above mentioned.
I know you have other more pressing engagements in your BUSY schedule and I imagine your administrative staff have been inundated with all kinds of absurd requests but I believe mine is most worthy of your attention.
Yesterday I received yet another post dated letter which I can’t effing open from your wonderful staff who I’m sure are really nice angelic people. However I’ve been polite until now but I’m at the end of my tether and I’m just about to murder someone. (I’ve broken every commandment in the old testament except this one, sorry Moses.)
I mean what’s the BIG secret! Is it too much of a big deal that people have wasted countless hours of their existence to find out the true meaning of life? Come on God! What is it? I won’t tell anyone, I promise! Just between you and me! You can trust me, I won’t tell a soul.
Just look at me God! You put me in to this shithole everyone calls Earth without my approval and expect me to fend for myself, what is this? I have better things to do like go shopping for clothes, do my hair and nails, entertain my boyfriend, then I have to go to work to earn a living, the list goes on. Life’s a bitch man!!
And btw! Don’t start me on my family! Could you have done a little better? And my brother! What a dufus! And my loser of an ex-boyfriend and this bitch I work with, her name’s Kylie, can you do something about them? I mean a thunderbolt out of the blue or some food poisoning won’t go astray. And where are all the hot guys? All I see all day long are computer geeks and office nerds. Come on! Get with the program.
The world owes me big time and I want to know the meaning of life like yesterday.
God, I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining but I deserve an explanation to this dud product you call a life which I can’t seem to get any real satisfaction. Where are the features and benefits? So I need a replacement fast and I believe I’m still under an extended warranty.
In anticipation of an early reply and some answers.
PS: If you need to discuss this further I’m free on 04XOXOXOXO or leave a short detailed message between 5-6pm on Mondays and Fridays but outside these hours I’m too busy.
Annie X Zhang. *BA in BS
PS: I’m waiting…patiently..
*Doctor in Theology and Master Of All Things
*Bachelor of Arts in Bullshit
A letter to God from a Gen Y.