A Tues-day landed on the 19th day of June in TWOZEROZEROSEVEN
May 22 – June 21
On days like today, its best to stay indoors. Why not cook up a storm or catch up on some paperwork? Time to rediscover your nest before worrying about the outside world. No, really. If you go outside today, something terrible is going to happen. Picture the worst possible way to die and times it by ten. Its going to be THAT bad. Oh, and sorry for writing this so late in the day.
Jan 21 – Feb 19
You may find yourself reflecting on yesterday’s ideals. If you look far enough back, you’ll remember a whole different side to yourself you may of forgetten. Look even further back, and I mean waaay back and you’ll start remembering things that happened before you were even born. I’m talking WWII, ancient Rome, Jesus and the dinosaurs.
Feb 20 – Mar 20
People in need will seek you out today. This is their folly because they have obviously forgotten how bad tempered you are. Don’t fall into the trap of getting sentimental just because people seem to think you’re a nice guy. Crush them. It’s the only way they’ll learn.
Mar 21 – Apr 20
It seems the planets want you to do a lot of searching for things that you never realized were missing. Which is impossible. How can you suddenly feel the need to search for something that you didn’t know was missing? If you live near dense bush or rainforest this way of thinking could well be a fatal mistake. If you’re lucky a friendly bush walker will find you while your ‘looking for something that you’re not even sure is missing in the first place’ and send you home. Unless he’s a Pisces. Lousy planets.
Apr 21 – May 21
It’s time to take stock of the people that are really important in your life. The old saying ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’ does not apply to you today. Both lots of people are more than likely out to kill you. So re-evaluate those close to you and try to decide which out of them will really have your back when it all goes down. You know what to do to the rest. Mmmm delicious homocide.
Jun 22 – Jul 22
Your best layed plans to attract the man or woman of your dreams will finally come tumbling down around you when you find a website put up by your co-workers, most of which you’ve been pursueing romantically, which goes into great detail about what a loser you are. Nevermind, go buy some cats and play World of Warcraft or something. There’s nothing you can do with another person that you can’t do on your own, provided you warm up adequately before hand.
Jul 23 – Aug 23
You will face a lot of oppostition today to ideas that you feel are perfectly reasonable. This is because you were basically raised by wolves. Not metaphorical wolves either, Im talking the real deal. And lets face it, if you were a well adjusted human being, which you aren’t, you wouldn’t pay much attention to a guy who keeps bringing wounded elk into the coffee lounge now would you?
Aug 24 – Sep 23
Nothing happens for you today. The planets and the stars have basically forgetten all about you. Just quietly wait out your days and try keep the television down.
Sep 24 – Oct 23
Buy the new LG mobile black series and enjoy the seek new style and functionality. LG.. life’s good.
Hey, I gotta pay rent too buddy.
Oct 24 – Nov 22
Try and remember the best shower you’ve had lately. I have a feeling that there’s a better one coming real soon.
Nov 23 – Dec 22
Be ready friend. Turns out all that ranting about Commies that cost you all your friends and made you the joke of your local town was actually true, and today’s the day. Arm yourself, I’m talking guns knives, fire pokers, bad language. Anything to keep mother Russia’s hands off what’s rightfully yours. Today’s the day where its your right to shoot at any noise you hear outside your window late at night. Chances are it’s a Commie trying to steal petrol out of your car. Either that or you just killed the paper boy. Who also might be a Commie. Good work.
Dec 23 – Jan 20
Gamble as much as possible today. I’m talking any bet you can get your hands on. I’m not saying your particularly luck today or anything, but my bookie has cut me off and I’m in this lousy 12 step program thing, so I need to live through you Capricorn. Come on buddy, this time for sure. They’re going to take my thumbs goddamn it!
Closed due to lack of interest…….
*The Birthdays – TODAY ONLY *
All you need is love… and a dimebag
Paula Abdul 1962
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING…..
1961 – Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain. Nice work.
1968 – 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support the Poor People’s Campaign. They had to march because basically, none of them could afford cars. Or bus fare.
1973 – The stage production of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” opened in London. Guys in panties have been cool ever since.
1978 – Garfield was in newspapers around the U.S. for the first time. God love that world hating cat.
1989 – The movie “Batman” premiered. I have nothing to add… only… sweet.
1998 – Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally shipping personal computers to 16 countries subject to U.S. export controls. Basically, computer geeks were trying to get all ghetto and black market, but got caught because their getaway car was their mums coming to pick them up before 7.
1999 – Stephen King was struck from behind by a mini-van while walking along a road in Maine. There’s nothing funny about this. But still I laugh.
1988 – Over 3,000 East Germans gathered at the Berlin Wall to hear Michael Jackson. Jackson was performing a concert on the other side of the wall in West Berlin. And they wonder why they lost the war.