Alter (Part 8)

I wake up on the floor of my bathroom one last time. I don’t want to move yet still I struggle to my feet. I feel myself looking around the room and I am staring at things like I’ve never seen them before. I feel a certain distance from everything around me, even more so than usual – I feel… disconnected. The pain in my head is finally gone, but still I am dizzy and want to lie back down. But I can’t. Instead I remain stood in the centre of the bathroom, turning slowly to take in every last detail of this grotty little room, finding intrigue and wonder in everything. I turn towards the mirror and stop – I see myself, and I see that I am smiling. But this isn’t like before, because I can actually feel myself physically smiling this time. And that’s when I realise: when I woke up just a few minutes ago, I wasn’t alone, something woke with me, and now that something else is controlling my body. I have been condemned to the far corners of my own mind, unable to control my own physical self or influence Thomas in any way whatsoever. He is stronger than me. He doesn’t want to hear me, so he doesn’t. I cry out for help, but I can’t even hear myself for I no longer have a voice. This is it – he’s won.
The doorbell sounds and Thomas turns toward it. He stares at the bathroom door for a few seconds. The bell sounds again and pulling the bathroom door open, he heads towards it. He moves through the house swiftly, yet still glancing around at every little thing with awe. He is a newborn baby getting ready to explore this exciting world with his new physical self. And I am the one who birthed him. If I had control of my stomach I’m sure it would be turning right about now.
He reaches the front door and opens it slightly, then peers through the small gap at the person on the other side. It’s a woman, slightly older than myself and dressed smartly – I recognise her, and I wonder if he does too. And in seconds my question is answered, when excitedly Thomas swings the door open fully and utters her name, “Janice!” he smiles.
“Hey Thom” she responds, unaware that it isn’t me she is talking to but a crazed psychopath who has lived in me for the last few years, and is now free to reek whatever fucked up havoc he wishes to upon the world, “I got those papers you needed” She hands him a large black ring binder full of documents in plastic wallets, “You get my call?” she asks. And then suddenly I remember, when I was in the toilet, puking my guts up, I thought I heard the phone ring – I did hear the phone ring! Fucking idiot I think to myself, you could have stopped her from coming round. I could have, but I didn’t. And now I must watch as fate takes its course. My imaginary stomach turns once more.
I realise that Thomas has been staring at Janice with a somewhat strange expression on his face, and so concerned she asks him, “Are you ok Thom?”
He realises that normal people don’t act this way, and so smiles back politely.
“I’m fine”, he says.
“Ok. So should we go through this stuff now and get it over with, or do you wanna wait until tomorrow?”
Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow
“Now’s fine” he replies.
Fuck!
“Ok” says Janice, moving forward to enter the house. Thomas steps aside to let her pass and she does so, “I’ll put the kettle on” she calls back as she enters the living room. Thomas stands at the door for a few seconds more, seemingly coming to terms with his new found freedom. He smiles and then shuts the door.
It seems that after years of living in the shadows, Thomas found his release. And all he had to was to take away from me the only thing that I truly cared about. And now his reign of terror begins, and Janice will be the first of many.
And the worst part is, I’m going to have to watch them all.

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Tags:

alter, disorder, dissociative, identity, part 8, part eight and split personality