Because the love I thought I had found is gone. And it ends so abruptly that you don’t even see it coming. Caught up in glimmers of rainbows and roses. And the fake candy hearts that break your teeth when you bite down down. Involved so much in its sweet taste, that the pure shock of the hard unbreaking solid breaks you in two. And your body crumbles like never before. Love is like that. This unending search for something. That sweet candy that you hope to enjoy full heartily always ends up to be sour apple chewy taste that you choke on. That steals your breath away and you grasp the air for help. But with no oxygen to guide you, you suffocate yourself in an unending dream.
But suddenly, without expecting it, that sour candy breaks loose and little by little the air saves your soul. And your soul screams out in pain and agony. Why, oh why, would you save me? For it has not saved me from punishing myself for something that may or may not be my fault. I am the one that is punished every day. So why save me? Or not save me? Because you never have saved me from my own tears. From hearing my own heart being snapped in two. Over and over again. The voices of my mother echoes through my mind. I fall too easy.
And the entire world is fake. All just fake candy waiting for someone to bite down on it. Fake candy hearts with the promise to be sweet. And everyone spits it out- these little pieces that are left with a promise written upon them. In shatters now you read ‘I love you’. Covered in saliva and blood and pain and anguish. I love you.
Written a long time ago. Oh such pain I felt for this boy. I have never cried so much in my life. All over one boy who was a liar, an alcoholic, and a cheat. Sigh