you’ve grown in my hand
a tiny seed that germinated too quickly
and flew away,
you just blew away
from my hand
I chased you
until my face was a red huffing
and biting
into oxygen
that had become
Don’t laugh,
my tears
twisted pieces
of metal
mascara bled
anguish washed
in the salt of my sweat
re-cycled conversations
I had saved
for You
slipping through the cracks
of fingers
unaware of how
it leaped out of my chest
out of myself
I waited for you to birth me
the longest I ever waited
was inside the womb
a deliberation
a hiccup of a moment
when I ask,
“Did you want me?”
leave me,
push me back inside
if you really didn’t
negate me
and return me
into the rain
even if I hemorrhage
return me to God
even when it is You
i question in the hiccup
of eternity
in prayers i want to caress
Your Face
lavish You with my unworthy kisses
not to blaspheme
to give You the dissected petals
of prayers that weren’t
my pleads
all of the failure
mud caked
infected passions
that i bleed
weeping into the early morning
with You
with You,
in the hiccups of my swollen
the answers You gave
i never understood
i throw the stones
of my pain
at the stars
to take one down
in my anger
Push me back threw
the womb of time
into the prison of the universe
Jesus i don’t want a pardon
if i can’t love You
Jesus, leave me in the disquietude
if You don’t really know me
If i do not belong to You
let me pick at my scabs
let me scream at the mirror
of my true reflection
when i was a beast moaning
all the dirt i kicked
into Your Face
You wiped from my mouth
the blasphemes and the denials
ABBA my Lord
a hush
keep beating this ridiculous heart
filled with imperfect hiccups
Jesus, even if i live in my delusion
of loving You
even if You don’t really know me
i will still whisper to You
my secrets
tie slips of paper i tie
under the fragile wings
of birds
to fly to Heaven



Matty B. Duran

Fresno, United States

  • Artist
  • Artwork Comments 8

Artist's Description

Jesus, to love You with an imperfect love

Artwork Comments

  • LoveWitness
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Matty B. Duran

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