Hiccup

Time,
you’ve grown in my hand
a tiny seed that germinated too quickly
and flew away,
you just blew away
from my hand
I chased you
until my face was a red huffing
pepper
gasping
and biting
into oxygen
that had become
old
Don’t laugh,
my tears
twisted pieces
of metal
mascara bled
through
black
anguish washed
in the salt of my sweat
re-cycled conversations
I had saved
for You
blood-soaked
heart
slipping through the cracks
of fingers
unaware of how
it leaped out of my chest
out of myself
I waited for you to birth me
the longest I ever waited
was inside the womb
a deliberation
a hiccup of a moment
when I ask,
“Did you want me?”
leave me,
push me back inside
if you really didn’t
negate me
and return me
into the rain
even if I hemorrhage
tears,
return me to God
even when it is You
i question in the hiccup
of eternity
in prayers i want to caress
Your Face
lavish You with my unworthy kisses
not to blaspheme
Jesus,
to give You the dissected petals
of prayers that weren’t
answered
my pleads
all of the failure
mud caked
infected passions
that i bleed
weeping into the early morning
hours
with You
with You,
in the hiccups of my swollen
words
the answers You gave
i never understood
i throw the stones
of my pain
at the stars
to take one down
in my anger
Push me back threw
the womb of time
into the prison of the universe
Jesus i don’t want a pardon
if i can’t love You
Jesus, leave me in the disquietude
if You don’t really know me
If i do not belong to You
let me pick at my scabs
let me scream at the mirror
of my true reflection
when i was a beast moaning
dying
all the dirt i kicked
into Your Face
You wiped from my mouth
the blasphemes and the denials
ABBA my Lord
a hush
stays
keep beating this ridiculous heart
filled with imperfect hiccups
Jesus, even if i live in my delusion
of loving You
even if You don’t really know me
i will still whisper to You
my secrets
tie slips of paper i tie
under the fragile wings
of birds
to fly to Heaven

©mattybduran20012

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Jesus, to love You with an imperfect love

I am a servant of The Lord Jesus Christ. He is my Saviour and Lord. I am also a Christian mother who loves The Lord Jesus Christ. My writings are for His Glory. i belong to Him, and it is for Him, that i live. I honor the life God has created.

Exalt The Lord our God,
And worship at His footstool-
He is Holy!
(Psalm 99:5)
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Comments

  • LoveWitness
    LoveWitnessabout 3 years ago

    you are such a gifted writer. wow.

  • Thank-you Siki. I appreciate your encouragement. I pray you have been well. May God continue to bless you and your writings for His Glory.

    – Matty B. Duran

  • highbeam
    highbeamabout 3 years ago

    Please tell us how you feel Matty… and after reading this short piece, I have no doubts! Thank you Dearest Matty, for you are my Sister, even though I’m an only child, I have many in my family now… all through the love the Father has for us all. The love of God is realized by the actions Jesus took for us all, and for His obedience to His Father… He wears the crown of glory, our LORD GOD. Your praise here is as one of His own, may we be of one accord.

  • Russell, thank-you for the feature. I appreciate your ongoing encouragement. May God continue to bless the group, and you. It helps me to know that others understand the struggles i sometimes feel concerning my faith in Jesus Christ. Everything is based on The Cross. HE CRIED, “IT IS FINISHED!” HALLELUJAH! ALL PRAISE JESUS CHRIST!

    – Matty B. Duran

  • chrisuk
    chrisukabout 3 years ago

    Matty, Matty,Matty what can I say! this is a great piece, your writing never ceases to amaze me. In life the one thing that jells us together is the Love and common bond we have with our Lord Jesus Christ, God Bless you and your little one, and may all your prayers be answered. God Bless……

  • Thank-you very much for your encouraging words, as I always appreciate your comments. I pray you have been well, since I have not heard from you in awhile. Yours is a familiar monkey face. May God bless you and yours Chris.

    – Matty B. Duran

  • SadieLu
    SadieLuabout 3 years ago

    a quiet moment pulling. Beautiful

  • Thank-you SadieLu. All Glory to Jesus Christ! When i have these days of little faith, He assures me It Is Finished! He assures me that He is The Way, The Truth, and The Life! He comforts me, speaking to my spirit, that it isn’t about my works, but The Works He does through me. He is My Everlasting God. i am humbled by How Great and Awesome He Really Is.

    – Matty B. Duran

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