Audrey Hepburn was elegant

Audrey Hepburn was elegant,
discovering herself beyond her occupation years,
But the memory of the SS never left her.
She remained an emaciated woman
with haunted eyes until the very end.
She had Anne Frank’s eyes terribly prophetic

Do you see those women
cohabitating with the SS to save their skins,
and breastfeeding their children?
Vichy France would have shunned them,
and segregated them,
and labeled them dangerous women

Women skeletons made themselves my heroes,
naked and charred skins,
piled one over the other,
all were noble,
having the task of living and dying inside each other
it was a sacred grave despite its volume,
despite the indignity that was meant
tangled and severed breasts never again fed their children,
and never again gave birth
with wombs that were humiliated,
and those faces hidden behind the razor fence of Auschwitz
never menstruated again

There was beauty,
even with hell for baggage around their eyes,
and heads completely shaved with blood bruises for hair,
there was strength in bones pressed through skin like knives,
and humility in the obscenity they were fed,
instead of food, and they choked on the years, refusing to swallow death

I wanted to find my voice inside these women,
and I wanted to stop believing that I could have changed
the men that sat over me and excreted
I wanted to find my shelter in those carved out pelvis’,
that once were filled with purpose
I wanted to find my identity with those women dressed in bones and rags, despite the SS piss that poured over them

And piss can be related
I used to sliver my wrists to murder the Holocaust inside,
those emaciated places without purpose,
the places eaten by starvation and strangulation of a love never fed
When will I find liberation from your type of love,
when will I look up and not have you treat me as a stranger?

The gas chambers and the crematoriums and the smoke black as a cancerous lung,
Dishevelling the order of the civilized world,
we don’t want to hear the unpleasantness

Still hide the survivors,
and the way they hid to survive then,
hide them now

You don’t fit in anymore, once you’ve suffered
No one wants scarred wrists at the dinner table
No one wants to see a charred face on the bus
It hurts, it hurts to look at it
To look at you with eyes that don’t remember me
And eyes that don’t admit their guilt
It shocks me that you don’t remember the Holocaust in our lives
That you battered mom, and blamed her for the black eyes
That you go on with another woman, and never bother to hit her,
but contently go home to her
When you used to stay out all night, and made hell our residence
You don’t remember the gas chambers but I do
You don’t remember the black smoke that choked us, and mutilated us
Rising out of of windows into the world

One by one we escaped,
but I never quite got out of the barbed wire
It kinda clung to me, and decorates my body now,
and I got used to it
To being surrounded by its porcupine edges,
the metal that sticks deep into me
And still tears me up when somebody says the word deliverance
and when somebody says the word love,
it pokes into me hard like a penis about to rape,
when you still mistreat us with your denial

I can’t tear off the wires that have become my crutches, and my wheelchair, and my braces, and my oxygen mask and my glasses, and my hearing aids, and my contraption and my vices and my eyes and my senses and my feelings and my thoughts

Stripping off the wires would be asking too much,
I barely escaped
Without going insane, and taking wires in the back
and having them puncture holes in my legs
was nothing to get away from the Holocaust inside my head,
that repeatedly tormented and starved me and beat me
Having my face all scratched up was nothing if I could leave with my life

Don’t look at me and say you don’t remember
I remember even if you don’t
The mere fact that I have wires sticking out of me
proves something, it proves there was a Holocaust
Even if I don’t remember how I got the numbers on my arms

Proves that I was there
Whether you say so or not
Even though you’ve gone on with what you’ve done

The crimes you committed against us
are the bags I carry beneath the two punctures that are my eyes
Instead of get lighter, the baggage gets heavier
You hitched all your baggage inside me, all your mistakes
all the gratuitous cruelty you hoisted on top of me, to make certain
I couldn’t ever pick myself up, all the things you never wanted responsibility for

Instead of help me climb out of his hold, you made certain it was a grave

Don’t ever ask me to forgive you
I don’t know if I can
I leave it to God, to His Son on the Cross
“Forgive them, for I cannot”

Audrey Hepburn was elegant discovering herself
Beyond her occupation years in Belgium
Will I ever be as elegant as to discover myself
Beyond my occupation years?

©mattybduran2009

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I wrote this one because I admire the survivors of the Holocaust for their strength and great courage. Especially the women, who were especially vulnerable, as mothers and as sexual objects to the enemy. I also know Audrey Hepburn was in the Belgian Resistance during the Second World War.

Women in the Holocaust

I am a servant of The Lord Jesus Christ. He is my Saviour and Lord. I am also a Christian mother who loves The Lord Jesus Christ. My writings are for His Glory. i belong to Him, and it is for Him, that i live. I honor the life God has created.

Exalt The Lord our God,
And worship at His footstool-
He is Holy!
(Psalm 99:5)
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Comments

  • Erika .
    Erika .about 5 years ago

    whoa….I am speechless and blown away by the sheer power of this piece. Incredible….

  • Matty B. Duran
    Matty B. Duranabout 5 years ago
    Thank you Erika 15 for reading my poem. I really appreciate your gracious comment. The Holocaust has been a passion of mine. Their suffering is a testament to mankind’s strength. God Bless you Erika 15.
  • aprilmansilla
    aprilmansillaabout 5 years ago

    this was one amazing read …i would fav twice if I could xxx

  • Thank you for your very kind comment April. God Bless you and good luck with your writing and your art.

    – Matty B. Duran

  • Rhonda F.  Taylor
    Rhonda F. Tayloralmost 5 years ago

    This is an amazing write misfit…so powerful..it speaks of strength in such adversity, survival..I hear your pain in this as you identify with them..I feel your strength as you survived your own holocaust…you are as great as any of the women you depicted in this piece..stay strong..
    Rhonda : )

  • Thank-you Rhonda. I appreciate your very kind and encouraging comments. The Holocaust will always remain an important part of my life even though I am not Jewish. Happy New Year Rhonda. Matty

    – Matty B. Duran

  • Michael McCasland
    Michael McCaslandabout 4 years ago

    Such amazing written visual work of pain, of coping of surviving (maybe). Outstanding and bows to you.

  • Thank-you Michael. The Holocaust has always been an important part of my life ever since I can remember. Even though I am not Jewish, I strongly support the state of Israel. We must never forget the Holocaust, nor the genocide of any people. Only the Lord Jesus can heal the wounds that the Holocaust caused. Only He can bring an end to genocide. It seems we never learn from our past, because we are incapable of learning how to love without the Love of God shed abroad in our hearts.
    And, yes, there is a little bit of my pain in there too.
    TO GOD BE ALL GLORY NOW AND FOREVER!!! In-Christ matty

    – Matty B. Duran

  • Trish Meyer
    Trish Meyerabout 2 years ago

    I too am close to being lost for words after reading this supremely powerful work ! I admired Audrey Hepburn, I had not been aware she was in the Belgian Resistance during the Second World War.

  • Trish, thank-you for commenting on this work~I really admired Audrey Hepburn as an actresss and as a humantarian~I also admire every woman who survived and died in a concentration/death camp~So many brave souls we will never know~Corrie Ten Boom~to name one~Anne Frank, to name another brave young lady~Every woman who stands up to tyranny, who stands up for her faith in Jesus Christ, who stands up for her family, for her womanhood, who stands up for her country~and her neighbors~This work is for all of them~TO GOD BE ALL OF THE GLORY NOW AND FOREVER~

    – Matty B. Duran

  • Beautifuldreamer
    Beautifuldreamerabout 2 years ago

    I just discovered this raw piece of poetry. My only reaction can be “God help us all,” and, “Wow.”

    You’ve written something that needed to be said, and read, and it’s a poem which I’ve a feeling I’ll read again, from time to time, so that the thrust of its truth can sink in, all the way to my bones.

  • Thank-you Beautifuldreamer~for your very generous comment~Sorry I am late in replying~I have such admiration for those, all those, who went through The Holocaust, to all of the survivors~to all who did not survive~I write about the women, being a woman, I am especially impressed by those who clung to their virtue!~No one would have faulted them for surviving~I know many SS probably raped the women who were in these concentration camps~They were courageous and noble, beyond comprehension~The suffering they went through was unimaginable~even now~No film can ever do justice to what was suffered~My inadequate poem was my way of coping with the suffering I saw in film and read about in books~it was cathartic~for me~in many ways~Thanks again~

    May Jesus Christ bless you~

    – Matty B. Duran

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