Matty B. Duran

Joined July 2009

I am a servant of The Lord Jesus Christ. He is my Saviour and Lord. I am also a Christian mother who loves The Lord Jesus Christ. My...

To a friend

Dear Friend,

Recently you sent me a bubble mail. I would like to answer your question.

Years ago, many years ago, up until a few years ago, I used to cut myself, and then started burning myself. My arms and legs are full of scars. All through my 20’s I felt, “It is my body, I am not hurting anyone, if this makes me feel better, then why should I stop it?” (No, it was not my body, nor is it still.)

I used to cut, mutilate and burn my body out of desperation, anger, a deep need to punish myself, a way to bring myself out of the numb state I was in. Sort of like a stupor, unresponsive to the call of “living”.

For years, therapists, my family and Christian people used to tell me, that this was sinful, and that I was dishonoring God by hurting myself. They also told me, that I was breaking God’s heart, every time I dragged a razor across my flesh.

This was not what God had in His heart for me. There isn’t much reference to cutting, but here are some Scriptures.

The Baal priests and worshiper practiced “cutting.” (1Kings 18:28) And they cried aloud and would cut themselves after their custom with swords and lances, until the blood gushed out upon them.

(Leviticus 19:28)
“You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord”

(Mark 5:5) This is in reference to the man from the Gadarenes who was demon possessed. Night and day among the tombs and on the mountains he was always crying out and cutting himself with stones.

(1Corinthians 6:19) “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own”

Technically, I was not hurting anyone, from a worldly perspective. Still the act of “cutting” is frowned upon. But even if it were not, “tattooing, body piercing” the same principle, but widely accepted. Even if the world were to say, “Yes, it is your body, cut yourself if it makes you happy.” Someday it may evolve to a point where it is no one’s business. People may even encourage the act of cutting.

As we both know “cutting” is destructive to the body and soul. It makes you feel worthless, as you do not value yourself, you begin to deeply loathe yourself. The soul becomes damaged by the sin of cutting. People told me not to cut, I never thought they were judging me. I just thought they were annoying and should mind their own business. Because I didn’t want to accept “the truth”, did not mean that cutting was/is okay. It is not alright to cut oneself.

Now when I posted those articles, I was not judging, but as I myself was in a desperate place, I also believe all people who are in sin, feel judged, and accused, even when people are not judging or accusing them.

People start to deny what they are doing. Years ago, no one would have thought homosexuality was an alternative lifestyle. Cutting is becoming more and more accepted as part of heavy metal, goth and teenagers in general are cutting themselves more and more than ever before.

In the 80’s it was still shameful, and a secretive lifestyle. I hid the shame of cutting, as I could not bring it out to the light. But in my heart, I knew, it was wrong. I knew it was unnatural to hurt oneself, to cut as to bleed, and scar, and feel relief from it, even enjoy it.

I know God wants the best life for us, as He is the creator of every living thing. He knows what will lift our souls to joy, and what will bring them down to despair. He knows, and for us to deny it, does not make it right. We can validate our sin all we want, rationalize why we are doing what we are doing. I rationalized my right to cut for so many years. As human beings we can rationalize anything, make anything acceptable. The more people we can convince to make our sin acceptable, does not take away the guilt, and all that comes with sinning.

The gay community can coerce legislators, governments, and the population to accept their lifestyle as acceptable to a Holy God. But sinful lifestyles, all that is called sin in The Word of God, homosexuality, cutting, is still just that, SIN.

I am sorry you and others think I am bigoted and judgmental. I have posted those articles about the homosexual lifestyle in “love”. Years earlier, others told me in love that I was sinning, and hurting myself. They told me my behavior was self-destructive, and it was. It has taken years of healing from God, to take away the pain. When I get depressed, yes, I still think of cutting as a way to stop the pain. But I must not take the pain out on myself, I must give it to Jesus.

I know Jesus would have preached to homosexuals and cutters alike. He loves us enough to give us the grace to repent and stop the destructive lifestyles.

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