Cheat

Miri
Author: Miri
Word Count: 81
previous browse writing next

Cheat

Written for Graphic Scratch First Time challenge

Cheat belongs to the following groups:

Graphic Scratch and The Word Tree

The first time
I played my hurt
On a violin with one string
Slightly out of tune
Wringing out tears

The second time
I polished my pain
On glass set in mahogany
With cracked gilt
Reflecting betrayal

The third time
I engraved my anger
On stolen tombstone bricks
Crumbling to dust
Choking on deceit

The fourth time
I burned my trust
In a fire of cold ashes
With smouldering coals
Reeking of lies

This time
I leave.

© 2008 R.Livesey

  • Debbie Irwin

    Debbie Irwin

    Very good =)

  • Miri replied

    thanks! i’ve just had a look at new work & about to read yours & it has nearly the same title!!! how funny!!!

  • jcmontgomery

    jcmontgomery

    I don’t know if I should even bother to enter the challenge…this is amazing Bex….and so are you!

  • Miri replied

    thanks Jo, glad you like it, oh please enter – i do so love your stuff! just saying to WA that i need to post something happy soon….seem to be on a sad spree at the mo!

  • WanderingAuthor

    WanderingAuthor

    That was evocative and powerful. I really enjoyed reading it.

  • Miri replied

    thanks very much! i seem to have gone a bit sad recently! need to post another happy one at some point!

  • Emma Robinson

    Emma Robinson

    Oooooh – that gives me shivers.

  • Miri replied

    yes it’s a bit bitter & sad isn’t it! thanks for reading lady :-)

  • Emma Robinson

    Emma Robinson

    even sadder when I know that you would not put up with even one incidence of cheating! I have to say you have quite the talent for putting yourself in the shoes of bad situations.

  • Miri replied

    hmm not sure why i like making myself sad LOL

  • Rachel Counts

    Rachel Counts

    I don’t know what to say but very good writing. VERY heartfelt.

  • Miri replied

    thanks very much, that’s a lovely compliment :-)

  • Alison Pearce

    Alison Pearce

    Absolutely stunning Miri! Such emotive passion and beautiful meatphors. I wouldn’t like to play favourites, but I definitely think this is one of your best pieces; and that is saying a LOT!!!

  • Miri replied

    oh Alison, thanks so much, wow….i’m touched…don’t know what to say….thankyou :-)

  • PJ Ryan

    PJ Ryan

    oh this is brilliant !!

  • Miri replied

    thanks sweetie :-)

  • Cathryn Swanson

    Cathryn Swanson

    Very good Miri, well done.

  • Miri replied

    thanks Chanel, must write about happy things now LOL!

  • Karirose

    Karirose

    Oh my goodness! To be able to express myself as wonderfully as this would be my dream come true. Beautifully written. While I see the pain I also see the hope at the end- “I leave” (II find the sad and painful far easier to write about. )

  • Miri replied

    thanks very much Karirose…i really appreciate that….i think there has to be some hope at the end cos otherwise it’s just too sad :-)

  • brutusB3

    brutusB3

    Even though this piece reflects pain and anger it is written so nicely. I read it a second tie and noticed how you transitioned in the stanzas; first it was hurt, then pain, then anger, until you burned your trust and left. I hope you never have to go through anything like that but the poem is so heartfelt and goes through all the stages, it makes one believe you have and overcome it.
    Thank you for writing, I loved all of your imagery.

  • Miri replied

    thanks very much, that’s a lovely comment. seem to be on a bit of a sad roll at the moment….i must write something happy soon!

  • filfil

    filfil

    It seems as though with each new feeling, it gets stronger and so does the action that goes with it. I really like the imagery and details of this poem as well as the flow of it. Greati writing!

  • Miri replied

    thanks very much, appreciate it, very kind comments :-)

  • Lisa  Jewell

    Lisa Jewell

    Such a haunting use of words….a wonderful, wonderful piece of writing…

  • Miri replied

    aw thanks very much, really appreciate your kind comments :-)

  • Lys •

    Lys •

    awesome imagery…i can feel it

  • Miri replied

    thankyou, really appreciate you dropping by & having a read :-)

  • staz89

    staz89

    this is great writing nice job

  • Miri replied

    thankyou so much, thanks for reading, appreciate it :-)

  • Lisa  Jewell

    Lisa Jewell

    Stunning writing….you’ve conveyed the feeling so well….

    WOW….

  • Miri replied

    thanks so much Lisa & thanks for faving!

  • Zolton

    Zolton

    Oh, that one hurt… well done, Miri.

  • Miri replied

    thanks Zolton, it’s a bit sad really, i’ll be trying to get round to some happy pieces at some point!!

  • Phil Threlfall

    Phil Threlfall

    Shouldve left the first time

  • Miri replied

    couldn’t agree more Phil! in fact i think if it happened to me for real he’d be the one leaving!! thanks for having a read :-)

  • Debbie Irwin

    Debbie Irwin

    Congrats on the feature! Very well deserved =)

  • Miri replied

    thanks very much, made me smile :-)

  • Leasha

    Leasha

    I really like this. The first 5 lines are my favorite. It’s deep with heartbreak and regret. so it seems. right? lol

  • Miri replied

    thanks very much! the first 5 lines were the ones that sort of fell out..if you know what i mean! thanks so much for dropping by & commenting & faving :-)

Add your comment

You need to login or signup to add your comment to this work.

Tags:

pmbex and virgin