Tradition
Star Twister Week 6 photo prompt
Winner of Week 6
Tradition belongs to the following groups:
All Things Poetic, Artistic, Philosophical, Atheism, Hardcore Punk, Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, Twisted Tales and WMGFollowing in their fathers’ footsteps, cousins, Kevin and Stuart lugged their heavy duty sea fishing gear down the floating landing.
Stuart’s brother Gavin worked for the river police; that was how they got access to the jetty, and how they got to hear about the eel.
They set up, cracked open their cans, and settled down for the night.
One of Gavin’s mates brought them over two cups of hot Bovril and they waited.
Kevin got a bite and tried to reel it in, but it was just too strong.
“Fucking hell Kevin; it must be massive!”
Jointly unable to land it; they had to tie the line off on the railing.
The commotion brought some of the lads out from the little river police office at the end of the jetty.
The eel kept the line taut and still; they usually thrashed around when they were hooked.
A pleasure boat passed with its cargo of revellers, its gaily coloured lights lit up the water and Kevin’s taught, wet, still line.
It was then they realised they were not fighting an eel, but a piece of flotsam and the current.
The cops scrambled the launch to remove the hazard to river traffic, and fished out the body of a young Caucasian man in his twenties.
No distinguishing marks, or any form of identification.
Further up the river a streetwise 2nd generation Cockney was pondering how to deal with the next suitor her parents lined up for her.
WanderingAuthor
I didn’t see that coming at all! I thought the eel was going to pull a surprise. Then, I figured the twist was just that he’d hooked a body. Remind me to avoid any arranged marriages. :-D
WanderingAuthor
PS: I like the echo here; your title, Tradition, the fact Kevin and Stuart are following in their father’s footsteps, then, at the end, your streetwise 2nd generation Cockney is fighting tradition. It maintains a theme with some tension to it.
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks WA. I wanted the body to throw people off the scent for the final twist! I enjoyed trying to work in the differing perspectives on tradition. it was hard to go back to the same picture and start again from scratch; but I think it worked out okay!
markgb
Ah shit, didn’t see that coming at all.
great ending
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks I’m glad I fooled ya!
Cheers
Micky
Miri
that’s a good one! i did wonder if they’d hooked a body but the last sentence made it a satisfying twist :-)
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks, I wanted to drop a few more hints about the body, to throw people totally off the scent, but they went when I trimmed it down!
Lesley Hill
I love this and was surprised as well! Great work again! ;-)
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks Lesley; glad you enjoyed it.
Debbie Irwin
Oh, good one! I love the ending! It rocks =)
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks Debbie!
Cheers
Micky
Empress
or is she wondering how many more suitors it will take (and the cash/credit cards in their wallets) before she can afford a ticket to Rio?
Micky McGuinness replied
Well obviously it would be a shame to waste all those cards and the cash! Perhaps that could be a sequel ; ) Now if someone wants to pay the plane tickets for me to go and do the research in Rio; I’m sure I can free up the time!
Craig Mowat
I like the common thread of the characters lineage, too. Good twist.
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks Craig, I enjoyed writing the contrasting takes on tradition. Glad you liked it. Cheers Micky
Zolton
I love the last sentence. I kinda pictured her sitting there picking chicken out of her teeth after a nice big meal. Poor guy.
Micky McGuinness replied
If I can’t get any tickets for Rio I’ll settle for a free meal!
I’ll pass on the chicken though.
I think you and Empress are giving me some great ideas for an expanded version!
Paul Rees-Jones
LOL, I saw the the body, but you got me with the woman…excellent!
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks Paul, glad that you liked it.
Cheers
Micky
Alison Pearce
You got me, hook, line and sinker!! Great story Micky!
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks Alison; hook, line and sinker… glad I reeled you in with this one!
Cheers
Micky
Natella2020
I thought I had commented on this one already! My mistake. Your tale was nicely written, I’ve always loved your hand at details, and that last sentence was very satisfying.
Micky McGuinness replied
Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad that you liked it, and that you enjoyed the twist
brutusB3
Clever ending and nice take on the photo prompt although the story line seemed a bit choppy to me. The details and essence of the story were creative, but the sentences together didn’t seem to flow too well. I think you could have added a few more details in places other than where you had them while taking out some that did not contribute to the story. (You mentioned you had trimmed down details relating to the body? Maybe those?)
-b
Micky McGuinness
Glad that you like the ending at least!
Where there is a 250 word limit you can only paint in so much of the picture, and have to leave the rest to imagination, or perception of the reader.
Cheers
Micky
coppertrees
Great job Micky you got me
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks Vickie, nice to catch a few people with the twist!
Cheers
Micky
PennyEdwardes
Very clever! Love the twist…..well done!
Micky McGuinness replied
Thanks glad you liked it!
Bob Fox
Nice to see someone that knows a little about fishing. I knew it was going to be about murder, because that is how most of the twisted tales go… I suppose the world is becoming more civilized and people are personally reluctant to us violence as a problem solving technique, so perhaps it is satisfying to read about characters that decide to cross the devil’s line.
Poison ‘Ivy’ was a surprise!
Micky McGuinness replied
i think it’s always more fun to tread on the wrong side of the tracks when you write. That said I don’t kill everyone in my stories, some of them even live happily ever afterwards!
Cheers
Micky
adgray
Good one Micky :O)