I don't always like me

‘I don’t always like me very much.’

It’s not a hard thing to say but it’s quite hard to write down and it’s one thing that I feel I should always pay attention to when my mind pops a little red flag up indicating that it isn’t happy with my world.

On occasions I’ve had this feeling in my life, sometimes severely to the point of depression and sometimes to decisions I’ve made or situations I’ve put myself into. A big change occurred when I allowed myself to be creative but that hasn’t made everything perfect. On more than one occasion I’ve looked into the bathroom mirror and mouthed the words to my own face to try and change my direction and sometimes its even worked.

I can wonder how different would my life have been if I’d changed my attitude at a critical point but the important part is to note when it’s worked for me. Looking back at the things I’ve said or the way I’ve reacted gives me a good indication of what I can change but the question of whether I’ll manage to still hangs in the air. And the good part is the crazy little thunderbolts that fuzz across my brain when I find an important method to get out of such a funk.

And sometimes my decisions are not the best with things that I’ve done that I’m not proud of. Hurting lovers or friends by bumbling around with emotions or actions. Insulting friends at primary school to try to be edgy or acting like an idiot to gain more attention. Maybe the worst is inaction, letting things pass or not making an effort when I should have.

Sometimes the hardest part is taking the step of saying something to someone I’ve always wanted to or standing by my principles and writing this whole piece in the first person.

This post is about me and taking a responsibility for my life and where it’s going but it’s also about accepting I haven’t always been a good person.

I don’t always like me.

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A quick piece, something I wrote up only recently.


People seem to think this indicates I’m hitting a depressed state again with this but I actually feel like I’m coming out of one.

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life, like, me, stream

Michael Alesich is an Illustrator, Photographer and occasional Writer. Please check www.alesich.com for portfolio and contact details.

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Comments

  • Lisa  Jewell
    Lisa Jewellover 2 years ago

    oh Michael, I know exactly what you mean…and it is strange how people can perceive me, though I am fairly sure you’ve seen a lot of me and know that I’m a shade of good and bad. As for you, I’ve always thought just good and that is my wrong. I feel you so strongly and look forward to giving you a hug of thanks X

  • Thanks for the comment Lisa, this one’s been sitting in my private notes folder for about a week. I’d never begrudge someone for thinking only good of me. I like me on occasions as well but it’s good that i can not like me and be okay with it.

    – Michael Alesich

  • Lisa  Jewell
    Lisa Jewellover 2 years ago

    it took me a lot longer Michael to accept that i don’t always like me….once I figured out that it was okay to feel that, I felt free…

  • I like feeling free too. And it’s always great to have you around.

    – Michael Alesich

  • PJ Ryan
    PJ Ryanover 2 years ago

    loved this write michael. so human and honest and with the most beautiful matter-of-fact voice. i like you. anyway. x

  • Thanks PJ, I like you as well. Glad you enjoyed it as well.

    – Michael Alesich

  • Suellen Cook
    Suellen Cookover 2 years ago

    I’ve just come across this note, it’s really quite beautiful. I wish more poeple had this level of insight into themselves (including me – although I’ve had some enlightenment whilst reading it). if only people could be so aware and less arrogant I’m sure we would all get along much better. Thanks for sharing such intimate thoughts. PS love your artwork!

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