Your Mother...For One More Day
My mother passed away on January 24, 2000. Perhaps I am writing this now because it is January and that ‘shocking’ event is being refreshed in my mind.
In 2006, I saw a book at a Starbucks in Napa Valley called FOR ONE MORE DAY by Mitch Albom. I had read his previous book TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE and my mom read it and loved it as well. This new book was about a grief-stricken young man who goes into an alcoholic tailspin when his always-attentive mother, dies. So, of course, I had to read it.
I certainly did not go into an alcoholic tailspin after my mother passed away but I thought I would get something out of it. I was also intrigued because I really did want my mother “FOR ONE MORE DAY”...and I thought this book might do the trick.
Fast forward a month and I was impressed by a few lines from the book. I wasn’t over the TOP thrilled. It was a different story. It was not like my relationship with my mom. I underlined the words that impacted me and planned to go back to re-read them. A year would pass and this book remained at my bedside table until…
Enter Christmas Day 2007 when my cousin, Linda Tafoya-Korenke, sent me two books. Can you guess what one of the books was that I received as a gift? Yes, the same book FOR ONE MORE DAY.
The fact that the book entered my life once again I re-read the sentences that impacted me from the book when I read it in 2006. Now I’m so thrilled that I re-read the recent excerpts that I underlined as they help me NOW during this January month. They are all so significant. I share these lines with you now:
For One More Day
by Mitch Albom
These are the words/sentences that impacted me from that book. By Michael J. Armijo
Every family is a ghost story. The dead sit at our tables long after they have gone.
When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.
I think what you notice most when you haven’t been home in a while is how much the trees have grown around your memories.
When death takes your mother it steals that word forever (“MOM”).
In time I came to view that event the way you view a faded vacation photo. It’s just someplace you went a long time ago.
I don’t know what it is about food your mother makes for you…but it carries a certain taste of memory.
Reading is like talking, so picture me talking to you there: I love you every day.
Sometimes, kids want you to hurt the way they hurt.
“I did what mattered to me.”
…believe in…memories, they will pull you back together.
I met a man once who did a lot of mountain climbing. I asked him which was harder, ascending or descending? He said without a doubt descending because ascending you were so focused on reaching the top, you avoided mistakes.
Did my old man slide back into foggy absentia, the occasional phone call, the Christmas card.
“When someone is in your heart, they’re never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times.”
She was called back to people by their memories of her.
“It’s still nice to be thought about, you know.”
“It’s such a shame to waste time. We always think we have so much of it.”
Do you ever think while something is happening, about what’s happening someplace else?
“Your mom. She died.” : They are different than other words. They are too big to fit in your ears. They belong to some strange, heavy, powerful language that pounds away at the side of your head, a wrecking ball coming at you again and again, until finally, the words crack a hole large enough to fit inside your brain. And in so doing, they split you apart.
I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.
“Have a plan. Have a plan.”
“Secrets…they’ll tear you apart.”
You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.
But there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begins.
Sharing tales of those we’ve lost is how we keep from really losing them.
One day spent with someone you love can change everything.
Michele Duncan...
Michael these words do tear at my soul. For anyone who has lost someone dear to them this hits home. There are stages in life as there are stages in death. Thank you for reminding us how precious life is and to live each day with kindness in your heart and a smile in your voice! Michele
Ena Lü
This is really such a treasure you are sharing
I think about my little girl as I read this,
I like the idea that I sat in Starbucks Napa as u did
Was the last time i saw my dear freind Heike
just a couple of years go
she has since passed,
drjones
wow Michael, beautiful and moving words. I can see how they touched you. Thanks for sharing them with us.
Madeline M Allen
Thank you for your thoughtfulness Michael in sharing this. No doubt a quality you learnt from you MOM! Tho she passed through this life with learning many things maybe through hurt or sorrow , as we all do. She taught you to feel and stand strong. Love to you throughout this difficult month my friend. This to shall pass ! xxxx
PhotoAmbiance
So many true words (my dad, in my case)... thank you for sharing, Michael.
S.I. Sheehan
My condolences on your loss Michael. The words you have shared only serve to augment the emotions associated with the experience. It is something you never ‘get over’. Mother is always with you.
I lost my Mother to a senseless murder in 1972. I had been on an extended leave with my first husband. When he flew back to North Carolina, I planned to fly to Phoenix to visit with my Mother for a few weeks. I was having dinner with my in-laws at an IHOP in Lake Tahoe when I phoned her home to let her know my flight number, and was alarmed when I found the number had been disconnected.
I decided to phone my Aunt to find out what was going on. She told me that there had been a terrible accident, that my Mother was dead, and had been dead for over a month. I fell to the floor. It was as if I had been drop kicked by God or struck by a bolt of lightning. My Mother-in-Law saw me fall, and ran to where I was. I could barely whisper the words that my Mother was gone. My ears were ringing and I was so dizzy. The phone was dangling by the cord, and she picked it up. She spoke with my Aunt, and after hanging up, helped me back to the dining area. I was in a state of supreme shock for a long time afterwards.
The Red Cross had tried to contact me, but had no phone number. Not being able to see my Mother was the worst part, something I will never get over. I visited her grave almost two years after her passing, collapsing on the earth, not wanting to leave her, and later in my life I had a beautifully engraved marble memorial placed upon it. But the pain does not go away. I think about her every day, I spritz her favorite perfume, Wind Song, on my body every morning. My Mother is always with me.
Her murder is a cold-case. It will most likely never be resolved.
Thank you for sharing this…..
~S
Elaine van Dyk
Michael, thank you for sharing such a wonderful, but also sad story. I think this could be extended to the loss of anyone that you have loved deeply, be it through separation or death. People can only feel pain when they have lost something very dear to them, so in a way it can be seen as a blessing – one that you have loved and been loved in return by that person.
@ Susan – what a dreadfully traumatic way for you to receive the news of your mother’s murder, and what a ghastly way for her to die. My condolences to you too for your loss, and for sharing your story here too. You are so fortunate to feel her loss so deeply as it is an indication that you both shared a special relationship with each other. I lost my mother more than 20 years ago, but unfortunately I still feel angry towards her….....
Mirabella
Michael,
My mother passed January 11th two years ago..That’s tomorrow…I doubt if anyone will remember..just me.
Life goes on as well as our memories, but yes, one more day would have been nice.
If the night could whisper names…
surely I would hear yours among the others,
for I listen constantly within the silence
to find the slightest trace of you…
I wrote that when I was a broken hearted 20 something…but it seems appropriate now.
Have you read “The Five People You Meet in Heaven?” an easy read with great impact.
Blessings,
M
Leon Walker
You’re absolutely right. “Access to your heart” Thanks.
Sprinkle
huggers I haven’t lost my mother, but I have lost my father. It’s never really stops hurting when you think of happy things and love you shared, but the pain dulls to a quiet roar over time. May God bless you with peace and comfort to your grieving.
Irene Burdell
My mother passed away very suddenly 20 years ago just before Christmas and when my cousins came to break the news ,I just screamed and was in total denial. I was numb for days .All the if only’s were there if only I had called in her house that day I had driven passed in a hurry and not called . I was tormented for a long time trying to come to terms with her death and why she was alone. I still get upset now ,you never get over losing your mother ,the closest person you have had ,but as time goes on the pain eases ,I can now talk and joke about the things she use to say and do. Things I find myself saying and remembering that she used to say that. You will always have your memories.
Thank you for sharing these words.
SnapHappy
these sentiments are so true and I’m glad you shared them with us, it certainly does seem like that was a book meant for you to read since it popped into your life again…I lost my mom in 1982 and still long to hug her again and hear her voice! I’ll be thinking about ya on the 24th…stay strong my friend
Jamie Lee
I too have read “For One More Day” and “Tuesdays with Morrie”, both wonderful heartfelt stories. I can see why so many lines had an impact on you. I lost my father 11 years ago and the most powerful line for me was … “
“It’s such a shame to waste time. We always think we have so much of it.”
Very powerful statement in my opinion and hits me right in the heart… So as I often say during a toast, we’re here for a good time, not a long time. Not sure if you read his other book, The 5 people you meet in heaven, but it was just as good as his others. I think he’s a great writer.
Karen Cougan
thanks Michael…............I needed to read that today…................xkc
DarwinsMishap
I’m amazed, Michael.
It is not often I find myself reading other’s writings-for some reason I don’t know why… I don’t really even browse all that often considering the time I have free (which is very little), but I decided today to take a sneak of a peek to this.
I am so very glad I have; I cannot thank you enough for these words. For sharing them.
I will remember them, not for those I loved so dear that are gone; but for those that I dare say I could not live without in the now…
How many times will I see the sun rise with them? How many times will I be able to look up into the full moon with them? How many moments of sheer joy, or pain, will I be able to share with them? How many times will I be able to feel their arms, hear their voices…Touch their hands? The seemingly insignificant moments and matters…are what matters the most.
These are the thoughts that come to my mind while reading this.
Thank you, my friend, for sharing. I do offer my thoughts for your pain, for I know from experience that it shall never pass, only fade to a point where it can be bearable day to day.
~J
Sophie Shapiro
Michael I have just read this very moving account of your mother’s beautiful memory! I am very touched with your sentiments and love! I will respond to it again…but I just wanted to let you know that this was a very significant account! S
suelen
i just logged on to RB as i cannot sleep and the first thing I come across is this wriiting. The reason I am not sleeping well is, i am arguing with my mother however after reading this, the arguments etc all seem ridiculously insifnidicant. I will call Mum in the morning and get a copy of these books. I have to learn to be more tolerant.
suelen
I hate spelling errors * Insignificant *
hanne
Hi Michael.
somehow I came upon this today, and it really touched my heart, Thank fully I still have my mom, but don’t see her often.
I think I will have to get a copy of this book too
hugs Hanne