When I left school we didn’t have a year book.
But if we had, had one, I’m not sure what my Most likely phrase would have said.
You know the ones. They sit under your embarrassingly crap photograph.
Most likely to make a million (nup).
Most likely to get the best looking guy (sadly nup, see photo)
Most likely to fall down stairs after accepting Uni degree (getting warmer).
However this oversight is as of today null and void.
Because today I realised my most likely phrase should have (if indeed it could have), read Most likely to know all there is to know about calendars.
You see it’s been quite a year. After going to Africa on an aid trip as the photographer I was asked if I could create a calendar.
Sure, I lied. I know everything there is to know about calendars. Haven’t you seen my year book?
So I embarked on a journey that spanned nations (world wide web), took me often into the wee small hours (world wide web) and cost me a pretty penny (world wide web paypal).
Only to discover, there are calendars and there are…well…‘calendars.’
Yes there’s more it seems to calendars than meets the eye.
You know, like dates and…stuff.
The thing is, most people only have one calendar in their house. I mean more than one can look a little anal. Oh let’s call a spade a spade. More than one can look stupid. More than two, sad. More than three…are you a postal worker?
Making calendars isn’t about wanting to know the date or covering up unthinkable stains on the wall (unless you’re a student or perhaps a postal worker). Making calendars is about gifts.
Yes that’s right people.
And presents, gifts, tokens of gratitude and selfless acts of love are all about one universal thing.
Not the recipients. Oh no presents are about YOU. How YOU look. What people will think of YOU. Are YOU clever? Are YOU unique? Are YOU it and a bit?
(Are you still awake?)
So this review is about how these calendars look. And in so doing, how they will make you look.
It’s the ‘you review.’ Kind of like the Zoot Review only I don’t get paid for it and there’s no Jo Bailey.
So let’s get started.
First of all. Is there wow factor (like ‘Wow, you got me this? You’re so cool.)
Yup. The calendars look cool.
They have a front cover which you would be hard pressed to make look daggy (for our international friends that’s: nerdy, crappy, pox). The white really works and says instant ‘art gallery’ style. Even a puppy dog with a pink bow, bowler hat, novelty glasses and striped cane would look classy on these. For that matter so would an american flag with an axe through it (as if that would ever happen)…
(At this point you’re looking pretty damn slick.)
Then there’s the calendar style.
Tall, dark & handsome. None of this putting the spiral thingy in the middle. Nup this little baby doesn’t fold half way. It hangs long and true – make of that what you will.
(Yep you’re lookin’ fine).
And speaking of the spiral thingy. It has this loopy thingamejig in the middle.
That means you can hook it on to I dunno a hook or something. The point is it doesn’t have a hole punched in it, so it won’t rip. Very important people. Given most calendars are hung in the loo, you’re artwork could be swimmin’ with the dead goldfish or worse if not for this little device.
(At this point you’re looking positively hot).
Then there’s the total ego stroker. Your name on EVERY page TWICE.
(People are milling around by this stage. Someone even asked for your autograph -just sign Jo O’Brien, they’ll be none the wiser).
Then there’s the design. The typeface. Classic without being cold. Retro without being redundant. Grey without being grave.
(If you’re recipient doesn’t want to have sex with you by this stage they’re insane).
And the deal sealer? All this for just 20 fun tickets (that’s AUS, I don’t know how that coverts to US or pounds or Euros or whatever. We have an election in 2 days anything could happen).
Twenty bucks?! You couldn’t get a decent meal for that these days (unless you’re in cosmo melbourne :) But for 20 bucks through RB you can get notoriety, attention, kudos and quite possibly…laid.
You know all the important stuff.
Oh good people, for heaven’s sake.
And get groovy.
It’s most likely the best decision you’ll make all year.