Versus

Side one:
I’ve got all these feelings that are spilling out of me at an overwhelming rate. Happiness, sadness, guilt, and confusion all pass through me as though my body is uninhabitable and hostile. I am erratic in my behavior and my sleeping habits. I am afraid.

In the back of my mind there is a constant dialogue that I am constantly trying to piece together. I wear the shoes of a thousand people. I feel like a thousand people. I go until I stop.

The euphoria I feel is enough to make me forget to breathe. A blur of beautiful colors and songs and people fills my peripheral. Every touch and every smell brings back a familiar and pleasant train of memories. I feel invincible.

My sadness is so heavy that I fantasize about death. My tears could soak the sails of ten thousand ships. The snide remark of a stranger or the inability to find decent Indian food makes my chest tight and my breath short. I am a danger to myself. I am lost.

I am filled with creativity.

Side two:
Indifference

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Side one: me
Side two: me, medicated.

Struggling with this.

I’m full of it.

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Comments

  • gracetalking
    gracetalkingabout 4 years ago

    I can identify with this, my medication increases my daftness until I am a liability at times :)

  • Steve Voorhees
    Steve Voorheesabout 4 years ago

    It’s the problem of living free of the Rx and being pulled tight to the point that every emotion is instant and runs into one another chaotically like trying to ride a cyclone…..or medicating to buffer the intensity and being left feeling gray and lifeless. Ahh choices!! Nice write. Cheers

  • acquaridan
    acquaridanabout 4 years ago

    It is a struggle and a balancing act which you have written and expressed so well Mekarpan on both accounts..Those feelings on Side One..and the numb, blank, sedatory indifference of Side Two!! Really moving piece..you are not alone..hang in there x

  • hollyann
    hollyannabout 4 years ago

    …there will be a middle ground….sometimes it is necessary to go through the swings to find it…if your writing is anything to go by the fact that you are aware of this is further along than most…very thought provoking piece :)

  • madvlad
    madvladabout 4 years ago

    to be human
    is to be alive
    and free or?
    burdened
    by voices
    who lie
    and tie
    your souls
    minutes into
    hours of self
    discontent

  • SimplyRed
    SimplyRedabout 4 years ago

    “in the back of my mind is a constant dialogue” I feel we have all felt this ………..FANTASTIC write xxx

  • daneegyrl
    daneegyrlabout 4 years ago

    Amazingly descriptive and right on point for many- if only the many sides of yourself.

    Excellent!

  • mekarpan
    mekarpanabout 4 years ago

    Thanks everybody! I appreciate all the feedback. :)

  • Shareefa
    Shareefaabout 4 years ago

    this is how I feel and this is just gorgeous it’s insane
    I adore it!

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