I’ve got all these feelings that are spilling out of me at an overwhelming rate. Happiness, sadness, guilt, and confusion all pass through me as though my body is uninhabitable and hostile. I am erratic in my behavior and my sleeping habits. I am afraid.
In the back of my mind there is a constant dialogue that I am constantly trying to piece together. I wear the shoes of a thousand people. I feel like a thousand people. I go until I stop.
The euphoria I feel is enough to make me forget to breathe. A blur of beautiful colors and songs and people fills my peripheral. Every touch and every smell brings back a familiar and pleasant train of memories. I feel invincible.
My sadness is so heavy that I fantasize about death. My tears could soak the sails of ten thousand ships. The snide remark of a stranger or the inability to find decent Indian food makes my chest tight and my breath short. I am a danger to myself. I am lost.
I am filled with creativity.
Side one: me
Side two: me, medicated.
Struggling with this.