The colours begin to blend into one and she is lost again. She has no reference point now. Her compass is broken. The sun is up but she cannot see. She is blinded by tears. Pain overwhelming her senses so she has become senseless.
She is wearing the right size, so why does it feel so big? It hangs from her like a shadow, trapping her. Portrayed as something she is not she begins to alienate herself. She wonders is it possible to fall out of love with herself? Was she ever in love at all?
She takes the pins from her hair and lines them up on the bench. She stares at their perfection. They have been manufactured, all to the exact size and shape. After all, those that came out wrong would have been rejected before they got to the shelf.
She was a rejected pin.
In front of the bathroom mirror she stares at the reflection of a girl she does not recognise. Removing her clothes where she stands piece by piece she reveals the naked truth. What is that? She wonders. No one has a shape like that! Too skinny, hips too big for the rest of the frame. Odd.
But on the stage she was just right. A package.
Now she just is.
Then a voice from behind says “you are beautiful to me”. She looks up and her reflection is no longer alone. There is a man and she is reminded that the life they share is a bigger stage than she had ever performed on in her career.
She smiles and looks back down at the perfect pins. They are not perfect she realises, they are identical, boring, no flaws. She looks again at her reflection and sees the scars on her skin, the flaws in her shape, and notices that the overwhelming pain is really her muscles aching, her joints realigning. These are reminders of a past life and she wears these faults with pride. These faults are all her own, and she made many of them herself.
But no longer will they cause her to grieve a past so great, but appreciate the future they have given her. Entirely her, entirely beautiful in her oddity.
Her compass realigned, she turns to face the man. She has found her north.
Sometimes we all lose our way. But then the compass works again and we are found in a way we never imagined possible.