Nothing makes sense. Don’t believe everything you “know”. Its not all black and white. but its not all grey either. Its a million and one dazzling brilliant colors and sometimes they get a little muddied up. Keep going. Even if its only to bed. There really is no “Right” or “wrong”; just what you agree too. If it doesn’t feel right your probably in the middle of a lesson. Look around, pay attention. Keep learning. You will whether you like it or not. Its like breathing. Keep trying. Keep believing. Keep praying. Someone is always listening. You aren’t alone. It isn’t possible. You are OK. I am OK.