Knowing you is bad enough do I have to love you too? The taste of your smooth mouth mixed with the venom that I’ve come to expect, makes it hard to decide clearly if you’re what’s best. After all is what I have to offer adequate or is it even substantial? Your eyes make my decisions for me, no thought is necessary any more. Eventually dragging me under, your touch prevents blood flow bringing me to a halt, sending me into abstraction.
Every time I might regain consciousness, your warm winter blankets draw me back into your arms, into your grip, closing my eyes for me, whispering words of hope into my trusting ear. Once again you have me in a beautiful trance, feeling as though I’m going to hear the alarm go off any second, nearly hoping for its piercing sting. Still vaguely wary, hoping to be woken up from your hold, but a part of me doesn’t want to wake up, I don’t want to become resistant it’s too easy and warm to just lay here.
Loving you is the height of intense bliss, failing to speak, hoping my eyes will plead with you not to hurt me again. Listen to them, see my fear, don’t show me your knife, I’m scared I will help you destroy what we have, endlessly looping failure in a beautiful entwined confusion.
Why can’t you take your hands off my throat. Let me wake. Please.
Abstract Love Letter