What next for me?
It’s been a long long time since I’ve been here. Things got on top of me over summer with two very active boys keeping me busy and not leaving me a lot of time to use the other side of my brain.
Then just under two weeks ago, tragedy completely turned my life upside down.
Even though I live in England, I’m a native Aussie. It was in Australia on 12th September that my mother passed away, quietly in bed at the too young age of just 64. I, along with my husband and two boys, were on the first available flight (we were home in two days) but the only thing to come home to was the grim job of informing friends and family and arranging her funeral.
Her death was completely unexpected. Her recent illness was not life threatening so I am still in shock and completely numb.
My husband Peter and I are now wondering; what next? My two boys have been robbed of their grammy (which breaks my heart as I was so close to my Nan and was enjoying watching my two boys grow ever closer to theirs) and I am wondering where our place in the world is.
I am feeling so adrift – growing up with just my brother, mother and Nan we had a tight, little family. They have all gone now, there is just me left and I’m looking for something to hang onto.
My husband and two boys are wonderful (I am not suicidal!!!!!) but I feel as though I am in a small boat in the middle of the ocean with storm clouds closing in.
So I ask…what next for me?
Dawne Olson
Dear Maureen, Hang on through the storm…. my heart goes out to you and your whole family in the face of such unexpected loss!! I was just looking through comments today and saw your face. I felt a wash of concern for no reason that I would have known I should…. and now I know. Funny how I noticed that connection right away. So please know that you are NOT alone… that over here I saw you and something in my heart knew or felt that there was something amiss. If nothing else, perhaps believe that God wants you to know that He cares so much that this is a message for you that He understands you are feeling pain now and feeling adrift.
I will pray for you through the rest of today and take your time to grieve…
I am so sorry dear.
Love
Dawne
Maureen May replied
Thankyou Dawne. Your words are so kind and heartfelt. I do believe in the connection you speak of and it really does help me, if only a little bit for now. Hanging on is something I’ve learned to do over the last 14 years – I lost my brother first, then my grandmother, and now Mum. What I do thank God for is my wonderful husband and two beautiful boys, they are anchoring me. Thankyou for your prayers, thoughts and sentiments.
Maureen
Lesley Hill
Dear Maureen,
I know your pain, lost my Mum and Dad last year and my only brother earlier this year!Know that your family and friends are here for you! I have taken great peace in my 3 children and the wonderful support they have given me and each other.
Lesley Hill
Sorry I hadn’t finished!
Take lots of time for yourself at this time, talking to a stranger/ councilor about the grief you are facing is extremely helpful! I was okay after Mum and Dad, well sort of….but my brother’s death really did it for me! I have found that the councilor helps as I don’t feel that I am a burden to my friends and children. I would recommend you go as it makes everything just a bit clearer! I have also really enjoy viewing the beautiful work of so many talented artists here on the bubble. Do some creative work that you enjoy, it gives you a bit of time to escape the everyday, even for a short moment in time! Life will go on…we can enjoy it or we can be sad…. I have voted for enjoyment in little bits at a time…these moments are getting longer as time marches on. My LOVE goes out to you! If you need a chat I’M HERE for you!
Your friend,
Lesley xxx
Maureen May replied
Lesley, thankyou for your words of comfort. You have suffered a great deal of loss yourself and I have discovered these past few weeks that I am not nearly as alone as I thought.
coppertrees
As we travel in life we grow smaller only to realize that we are all and connected to everyone and everything. My family too has gone yet I am more attached then ever.
You will find that the journey is safe wisdom comes from all journeys,hope is always there.
I am stronger today because of all that came before ma.
Maureen May replied
Thank you for these words of comfort and wisdom.
Robin Webster
Maureen, my heart is breaking for you. There are no words to heal your pain. Losing a parent is heart numbing….I know from experience. Be strong, my dear and hold on tight to her memory. I know you hear it a lot, but time does heal. You have a wonderful husband and sons that are there for you. Take comfort in that. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers from over here in Canada. You take good care of yourself and know that you have friends all over the world that care.
Maureen May replied
Robin, thankyou very much for taking the time for me. I appreciate your prayers and friendship.
Emily Peak
My heartfelt sympathies to you,Maureen! I cannot pretend to know what you are going through or what you must feel as my sibs and parents are still living but please know there are many folks here who can sympathize and will lend an ear.
As far as your boys relationship with their Grammy, could you write a journal about her for them that they will be sure to appreciate later? I try to encourage my parents to write journals for my two boys as they live so far away from us and only see the boys about 2x year.
Hugs to you and prayers for a mended heart.
Emily
Maureen May replied
Hello Emily. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I have already started a journal for my boys (I have three photographic journals in progress) but now I will start a new one chronicling my mothers life. I have found the most amazing photographs this past week that is showing me a whole new side of my mother. thankyou for your time.
Yool
Maureen i am not good in words but i feel your pain and i wish you a lot of strenght and time to heal.
Losing your mum makes you Madre Familias and the circkel continues.
You are feeling lost now and it will be worse all the days that are the first (birtdays,
holidays….etc) but you will become stronger in taking it all in one day at the time.
Hold on to all your memories and don’t be afread to grieve because you need that to live
and be there for your little boys and your husband.
Big hug and my sincere condolences Yool
Maureen May replied
Yool, you said you are ‘not good in words’ but your words seem good enough to me! Your sentiments and condolences are very much appreciated and I very much appreciate them. Thankyou.
hilarydougill
sweetheart, I am so sorry for your loss, and I am putting you on my healing list, this way Big G knows exactly where to look. When you are adrift in a boat, you do not jump overboard, you hang on tight until help comes, and I am sure you will find this help in your wonderful husband and sons. They are your family now, and of course all of us on RB, we are also your family, and we are always here for you. You are suffering from shock sweetheart, go to your local Health shop and get some homeopathic Ignatia, this will take off the shock, and make your days easier. You Mother is only in another dimension and can still watch over you. Take heart sweetie., all will be well. love and hugsxxx
Maureen May replied
Hilary, I feel like you’ve put your arms around and given me a great big hug!!! I very much appreciate what you’ve said. I do believe my mother is sitting at my side right now, if only I could see her! I am holding on very tightly now whilst I deal with everything but as soon as I can I am going to let go.
Anne Staub
My mother passed away at the age of 63, was unexpected apart from 24 hours before. I got back to Paris ….. she was still alive but unconscious ….. I found that I went through a lot of varied emotions some I didn’t expect, for some time afterwards, natural process of acceptance …... Wishing you and your family, all the best through this emotional journey.
Maureen May replied
Thankyou for your good wishes Anne. I feel I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride and I am just waiting for it to stop. You’re right, some of my emotions are quite unexpected. There’s a long way to go, I’m lucky that my husband is so wonderful and my two little angels are holding my hand as we go.
Arletta
What’s next? You drift until you feel like paddling, then eventually you hang on for dear life and kick for shore. Sometimes it helps to talk to others who have experienced the same sort of loss before or are experiencing it now. Many hospitals have information on groups of that nature. There are also some online.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Maureen May replied
Hello Arletta. What you’ve said is exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m just putting one foot in front of the other one until I find I’ve reached the end of the hall and I think “I’ve made it”. Thankyou for your thoughts and condolences.
Cyril Marchand
... I’m not the perfect man to answer… First because my english is to much poor to express feelings, and second because we don’t live anymore with death on our side as several centuries ago…. But the point is I do know life is always better than death and we don’t have to think of this Old Lady ! Your place is in your family eyes, and you will look clouds and sky thinking your mum is proud to see how is getting well for you… We belong to Earth, and we all have to preserve her, even if we are just passing for a wee while, a short time, a time we must eat as we would do with a juicy apple !.... I don’t know if I’m clear enough…. Anyway, I promise you: on the time’s wings, sadness is flying away… hum!... I tried to translate a french sentence “sur les ailes du temps s’envole ma tristesse” lol ! Hope it’s good !
bye bye and take care Maureen !
Catherine Ale...
Dear Maureen – Welcome back to Redbubble. I have read the wonderful and supportive comments from your Redbubble friends and am sure they will be much help to you. Take care and love as always, Catherine
tkrosevear
Maureen,
“Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.” unknown
There is a reason for being here and a reason for leaving – the world beyond is of joy and happiness and the soul continues from life to life…your family’s loss is a step towards the light and love of their presence with you always to guard you, guide you and bring you and yours’ peace…where it may not have been as easy from this physical plane. My heart goes to you with honor and respect as you grieve your loss…
mikrin
I am so sorry about your loss Maureen… Our thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family…
dancinfreakshow
My thoughts are with you in this troubled time. I lost my mother many years ago. I was 20 she 47. My Father passed a few years back and I understand it is not easy. Stand tall, you are not alone:) Robert
EarthGipsy
Hi Maureen, so sorry for your loss. It ust be very hard to be way over there, away from your mums “space” and her friends. Hang in there and take strength that your mum is now flying with the angels. A poem for your thoughts ….............
No person is ever truly alone.
Those who live no more,
Whom we loved,
Echo still within our thoughts,
Our words, our hearts.
And what they did
And who they were
Becomes a part of all that we are,
Forever (Richard Fife)
Leslie Wood
So sorry for your loss. I have found the bubble community to be very caring and supportive in times of need. You have my sincerest prayers. I wish you lots of strength for your whole family.