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will not hide my SHINE today

Someone told me the other day I was addicted to the feeling of " GUILT", of course this is after I told her she’s addicted to sadness. Instead of disagreeing with her, I paused, then admitted she was right.

I don’t know why I feel guitly about things in life or go hunt down the guilt if there is none near by. It’s a strange position to be in now that I’m aware of my feeling and need for “guilt”.

Maybe it’s the constant need for stimulation or that daredevil in me that lurchs just below the surface of my cool laid back façade. I tend to look for trouble when I’m bored. I know, it’s stupid, but it’s true.

But now what? Now that I know, that I’m aware?

I am sort of tired of living under this umbrella of untested guilt. I want to live in the sunshine and accept things as the roll off the rainbow.

I beleive the first step is to not edit myself today and just be me, but always in good taste, of course. I don’t think it’s an excuse to be rude or ill wil because I don’t process that way. I mean, I think I need to accept the good and the bad as it comes.

I will not hide my SHINE today, promise you that.

Comments

  • HamperRefuser
    HamperRefuserover 2 years ago

    I’m addicted to sadness. It’s because when you have depression it becomes your ‘normal’ state of mind. Not to mention the dopamine your brain releases when you are sad. It’s a strange contradiction as the state is undesirable.

    Very interesting my friend:)

    Nathan

  • Thanks for sharing that, Nathan.

    Lifes a process..

    – marilittlebird

  • paintingsbycr10
    paintingsbycr10over 2 years ago

    LOVELY WELL SAID

  • Thank you for the look. :)

    have a great day!

    – marilittlebird

  • Scott Mitchell
    Scott Mitchellover 2 years ago

    I feel the same way. I was brought up with guilt and it has cemented itself inside my head and in my life. Even if someone hurts me to the core, I cannot hurt them back due to the massive amounts of guilt I feel. You are not alone!! I just read some of your work and I have to say you write beautifully! Just added you to my watchlist. I know where you are coming from!! :))) -scoTT (aka RJ)

  • Thank you for your lovely comment and what you said about my writing. that was kind of you.
    I took at look at your artwork it’s great! I love the Self absorption pictures. :)
    I enjoy being able to look at the artist behind the work. Not alot of people do that on RB?

    I never knew guilt had such a huge effect on me until a very good friend pointed it. It was all in fun but it was all true.
    Most of my guilt lies in relationships with other people…otherwise I don’t feel much guilt for anything else in my life. Thanks again for relating !

    have a great day!
    - mari

    – marilittlebird

  • Solomon Walker
    Solomon Walkerover 2 years ago

    well, it’s good to vent, to be adventurous, in whatever ways or means you feels. And, guilt in its many varieties may even be therapeutic – if you are truly seeking answers, or some closure…but, during the process, always try and walk in the other persons shoes (if the guilt is pointed at an individual), so that you don’t cause long term trauma to a sensitive mind or soul. Guilt is a powerful negative!

    Some hold their bags of guilt, stress and negativity so sacred and holy, and they hide there whenever possible to enjoy cookies, cake and milk, lying to themselves that it’s their secret paradise! Such illusion and delusion in it’s most abrasive state!!

    be conscious and ask yourself why you adopted a sort of guilt whenever it’s happening. Perhaps you can then cut and or deflate it before it has any grasp on you. And, importantly, try and avoid adopting other people’s questionable ways of thinking, their habits, their modes and views of life and living. Never water the roots of negative thoughts or habits. If guilt is not naturally your nature (and it shouldn’t be), then it will go the way it came – with your attention – - very quietly and mysteriously, just like it never really happened!

    Give only attention only to the beautiful soul that GOD made!

  • Wow —thanks Solomon thats a great explaination and way to look at things.
    You are right in saying that it’s a negative feeling to have. It weighs one down to depths that can really get out of hand.
    I must admit from time to time it will cause me anxiety, b/c I allow my position to be swayed by someone, which i know I shouldn’t.
    I never learned manipulate others, so I sometimes don’t know when people are doing it to me. I have to take a step back and review situations and shut them down b/c I realize people are trying to guilt trip into something I would never do b/c of my own convictions.
    I’m learning that not everyone is like me, and seeing that there really are people out there that have nothing better to do than spread negativity and manipulation.
    I don’t know? I make myself sound like a weak person b/c I don’t know how to play the game of “life” and all it’s pitfalls.
    I am a very simple person, I live, love and laugh at least 100 times a day.
    I just want peace and honesty to surround me.

    thanks again for your response.

    – marilittlebird

  • Solomon Walker
    Solomon Walkerover 2 years ago

    well, it s the old say that rings through here:
    ‘show me your friends and, I will tell you who you are’…
    or something along that path…
    there is also a saying that goes:
    ‘You become what you think about all day long!’

    A true friend only wants the best for you, and you for them. You dont owe it to anyone to sit and allow their negative vibes to enter your paradise. Its a different river altogether, so be careful of the waters that try’s and flow in.

  • Arcadia Tempest
    Arcadia Tempestover 2 years ago

    Feeling an emotion such as guilt, sadness or anger can be a catalyst to propel oneself into a new skin. I think when you are self aware of such things you just strap yourself in and make sure you don’t head off the rails and you investigate the ‘juice’……And always finish your observations with some self kindness. x

  • true, and great way of looking at things.

    I believe my guilt stems from my ever fleeting heart. Although it’s well cemented in my chest, it tends to be overwhelmed and flooded by beauty and I can’t help myself but to be….flooded.

    – marilittlebird