There is something new I’m exploring. A life without forcing energy or pushing for/against anything at all. I’ve been at it all of 2011, choosing what I focus on carefully in order to expand my own well-being. For years, when I’ve read my notes before the change of the new year, I’ve noticed that the writing has been filled with anguish and worry, despite all being relatively well. So much life there to explore, but the most part being spent in diffuse anxiety.
So this year I decided to get happy. Assume that even though it may not go my way, life just may have unexpected blessings showering over me at each given moment. It’s been an amazing ride. I’ve let go of a lot. I’ve released trying to control my aging parents, released lots of friendships, jobs, money, peeled off lots of beliefs of how things should be. I’ve allowed myself to just be.
There’s been lots of long baths and so many TV-series that I would be cringing, had I not enjoyed watching these stories so much. There has also been painting, writing, doing some youth work, doing some coaching and working at a very leisurely pace. Life has been… good. Life has been filled with sweet moments of playing with my children, connecting with my husband, finding a long lost friend. And added to that I have actually enjoyed my life, soaked it all in. Not been afraid to say it’s great [for fear of something bad happening].
Sitting here in Robert’s Coffee, somewhere around Helsinki, I’m starting to feel antsy and eager. Ready to do something. Not because I have to, not because I need to, but because I actually just really want to. I’m stepping into a world where doing is done because there is so much joy around, so much to experience and share, that it cascades out, like water from a fountain.