Michelle Knowles

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching about different things in my life, & that includes my creative life. I’ve been a writer and a photographer most of my life, although it’s only been in the past seven months or so that I’ve started to take my photography seriously. I have always had an eye for things that would make great pictures, but ever since I bought my latest camera – a Fuji S700 – I’ve actually been able to do something with my photography, including freelancing for the local paper. The editor says that my work is good, & I believe her, or else she would not keep asking me, even occasionally, to go out on assignment.

Oh, how cool that still sounds to me – called out on assignment! Don’t mind me! A huge part of me is still very childlike, and I hope to never lose that part of me.

Today I went through my photographs here on RedBubble & deleted a few. I have decided that I will no longer submit photographs here unless I think that they are really good. As with most people, I am my own worst critic, and I don’t always see what people like about pictures of mine. However, what people like is subjective and there’s not always a reason to it.

BTW, it really bugs me when people are critical of those who say that they don’t really know much about art but they do know what they like. So what? A person doesn’t have to know much about something to know what she likes. Like food. There are some foods I really, really like and could eat all the time – or most of the time – but I couldn’t really tell you why. Unless it’s chocolate. Then, well! It’s chocolate! Does there really need to be a reason when it comes to liking something with chocolate?

So, yeah. As I said, I don’t always expect people to give me a reason why they like something of mine. I just accept it and go on with things. I like it when people like things of mine.

I’m not out for the acceptance of others, though. At least not to a huge degree. Of course it’s always nice to have people say they like something I’ve done and to get approval, but even if another person never said such a thing, I would be perfectly happy just taking my pictures, whether they turn out well or not.

Having said that, I have renewed my commitment to improving my work, both writing and photography, and to reach my goal of publicly showcasing it next year. Yes, I will continue to write and to shoot just for the sheer pleasure of it, and shoot anything and everything that strikes me as making a good picture, and writing about anything and everything, both prose and poetry, fact and fiction. After all, these are the best ways for me to practice, and practice really is a great way to improve any skill. Whether it helps reach perfection or not is another matter, but I’m not out to reach perfection. I’m just out to improve and to build on whatever skills and talents and gifts I already have.

I am looking with a more critical eye at every picture I take if I am even just beginning to consider it for submission here or anywhere else. I am rather picky and am a perfectionist when it comes right down to it. (I know that may seem ironic or strange considering my saying I’m not out to reach perfection, but I’ve come to that place in my creativity. After all, I don’t believe anyone here on Earth can really say what’s perfect or not. If I do end up with something that’s perfect by any person’s standards, that’d be great! If not, well, that’s life, and I’ll accept that. As long as it’s good, or close to it)

This is something I’ve come to realise about myself in the past few years, and it really answered a lot of questions about myself. People may not see me as a perfectionist, but there’re some who are perfectionists but who are scared to try because they do not want to fail, and that’s me. There’s a reason for this, and I won’t go into it. All I know is that I want to do things right and I don’t want to fail. This is so huge with me that I’ve given up trying a lot because I don’t want to risk failure. In some areas of my life – very few – this doesn’t apply. My relationships with my family and closest friends – I know they’ll accept and love me and support and take me in no matter what. Going for walks and being in nature, going to work, reading, writing and taking pictures and playing my music just for me – I don’t care if I’m not perfect at those, and whether I do my best or not when it’s just God and me and any of these things, away from other people, doesn’t matter to me. Well, at work I want to do well, but once I know whatever job I’m in, I know it and do it well.

I have decided to take some risks and just try. Whether I fail or not doesn’t matter as much as it used to. It still matters and always will to some degree, but I’ve decided to just go for it. Work hard at what I like to do as well as what I don’t like to do, and just try. If I don’t try, I don’t fail, but if I don’t try, I don’t succeed. I want to succeed, whatever success means in any particular situation, and I need to try to do that.

I feel as if I’m reasoning with circular logic here! haha

So the bottom line I’ve chosen is to try, and try hard. Don’t just give something a half hearted effort, but go all out and have fun with it. The more I try the more I know of anything and the more I can say I’ve done in this life, and that’s a huge part of life. I’ve been missing out because I haven’t been willing to try, and I don’t want to miss out any longer.

This includes my RedBubble experience. So I will take risks and put myself out there. I will enter challenges and submit my work. I will be realistic, though, about what involvement I can have, rather than committing myself to too much or by joining tonnes of groups and then being unable to being involved in any or very few of them. I am going to post only what I view as my best work here.

I’ll be taking myself out on a photography excursion sometime in the near future with the express purpose of taking pictures. I will submit my best from that, and I will continue to take these excursions in the future just for the fun of it.