In these times of misinformation and constant hype, I feel it my duty to dispel a few myths about a subject many can relate: losing weight. These lessons are self-taught and realized. It is my duty to share so that others may not feel the same let downs as I have experienced.
Myth#1 – Drink Diet Coke®
Frankly, I was shocked when this plan didn’t work. It seemed the perfect coup; eat, drink and be merry! I ate; I was merry; I drank diet colas to shed the calories. But, no shedding occurred. Not a single pound. Logically, assuming I was doing it wrong, I drank more. And more. Eventually I had to add rum just to make it tolerable. No matter how many Diet Colas I drank, I didn’t lose any weight.
Myth #2 – Buy More Vegetables
I’m going to cut right to the chase on this. No matter how much I buy, chop and store, having vegetables in my fridge has not made a dent in my expanding hip area. Even the calories burned from occasionally cleaning out the wilted lettuce greens and fuzzy peppers haven’t done anything good for my waistline. Shocking! And don’t bother spending extra on the organic – still useless.
Myth #3 – Buying a Treadmill
O.K. I could just feel the calories burning off as I used my credit card for this major purchase. And then the anxiety caused from the knowledge of multiplying interest was surely worth a few ticks off the scale. Again, I watched and waited. I moved my “skinny clothes” to the treadmill side rails as a sign of my sincerity to the cause and – nothing. Another sham!
Myth #4 – Joining a Gym
Clearly the ultimate sign to God, the universe, and my fat cells; I am serious. The endorphins from this sort of investment combined with the adrenaline rush from just thinking of how good “I am going to look” should have chased the pounds away. This being a long term commitment that could only lead to success, I’m waiting . . .
Just for fun – inspired by real life. Everything is not as easy as it looks.
SO much going on – maybe a short anthology of real life silliness like this?