PONDERISMS that may upset you....
If you are extreamly PC, then….. Holy Crap Don’t read this!!!
PONDERISMS
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
I am less negative when I’m feeling positive.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted. Go ahead and look it up!!
If I were mo younger, mo handsomer, mo smarter and mo biggerly endowed in the penal area woman would possibly like me.
When I win the Lottery women will mo like me!
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Death is much faster!
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. The only difference between a grave and a rut is location…. I’m considering creamation!!
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. I have some In-Laws like that!
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? Where ever did they go???
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again…. Then my wife puts the pillow over my head again and we begin the endless loop…
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism or forecasts.
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Personally I prefer a nice Chianti!
Politics are supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?” One of my In-Laws….or was it Stevie Wonder?
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.” Was it Helen Keller?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Because it would warm up the freezer!!! (see I knew that one)!
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?... I didn’t even know corn cracked??
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? (That would be rude). I’ve tried to ask for sex in this very same manner and received a stern scolding and a quick slap in the face… Maybe it’s all in the delivery??
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? (Nose Plugs)?? Personnaly I’m all for helping the woman undress!!!
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs! Yeah but Pluto’s from another planet!!?... at 51 years of age I wish I were more like Goofy!!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner? …. Maybe he was cheap??...
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Come on, I know you can figure this out…..
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? Don’t even say it!!
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Do they make it in brail? Do people in a vegetative state get the full effect of vegetable soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in your wife’s ear she gets mad at you, but when you burp she gets mad at you.
Did you ever notice that when you come home from anywhere your wife gets mad at you? Do you find yourself paying your neighborhood Locksmith more than your Wife does only to find that she is still mad that you came home?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why isn’t the inside of a bottle sticky?
Why do some people ask so many stupid questions?
sandraellen
this is fantastic
—so funny and full of ‘ponder’ how long did it take to come up with all this, or have you been researching a while?—best—sandraa great read
MarcoMeyo18
Well I have ADD….. I do a lot of pondering…then I get distracted…ponder some more…... then I either get a headache from all the thinking or fall asleep from boredom! LOL…. but mostly I forget a lot…like when I actually wrote some of this….some of this was other peoples pondering then I pondered them for awhile….
I’m sorry what was the question again?