Better 'n Nothing is the start of Better 'n Better

OK, so it doesn’t sound like a lot, but I went to an EPA today and it went well. The Associate Artistic Director for whom I auditioned said “Paradise. Excellent. Thank You” That was so nice to hear.

I did a monologue I performed in two productions of ONCE UPON A MATTRESS nearly 40 years ago. This is the first time I’ve performed the monologue in about 30 years. The material moves like a steamroller and 40 years ago I established a pattern of doing it like Anna Russell on amphetamines.

After a prolonged Mommy’s time out, I’m starting a fresh acting career now and have new standards. It’s a challenge to hold the reins and make familiar material nuanced and truthful. While I only accomplished about 85% of what I wanted to do with it, I’m not beating myself up. Have been away from the stage far too long to let what might have been veil the brightness of what is.

I did the audition. I know what the show (THE NEW YORK IDEA) will require, and I am fully confident I can deliver. So, I showed up, did my thing, and now…I have to find other things within my control to work on.

I also posted my first new writing on RB. It is no big deal except that it broke the ice. I promised myself I wouldn’t type up any more old stuff till I produced SOMETHING new. ON THE SCENT is just thrown out there, but resonates with my state. I’ve had several months of dreaming good dreams with rich narratives, but can never quite recapture them. They remain an elusive presence in my days, wafting along beside me, details lost in the sun’s glare.

Just like these subconscious nighttime reveries, my conscious ambitions can easily morph into something wholly unsubstantial unless I put them into action. If I remember that I dreamt, perhaps it’s still possible to claim that vision and act upon it. Having ON THE SCENT chosen as a Feature by one of the RB groups was a real rev of the engine. Now I have to get in gear to do some real writing. Am addressing an old idea laboriously. It’s warm syrup in my veins but arriving on paper like dry turds. It’s all about getting a flow. Asimov got it right when he apparently decided that writing was about actually writing…a lot…every damn day.

After shopping for an upholstery project, I went to an AA meeting where Eddie shared that he’d been drinking since he was two: His dad would give him booze to shut him up and Eddie would act up more to get more booze. TWO years old. My easy push away from alcohol years ago, later, my more difficult weaning from cigarettes, and more recently my withdrawal from a helpless and destructive addiction to computer games all required help from a higher power, but in none of these cases were my addictions the result of anyone’s choices but my own. God bless Eddie and all the others still struggling. And Thanks, God, for the structured living situation that has kept Eddie sober for the past year! Sigh. One day at a time we try to do the next right thing.

Saw FAIR PLAY the Valerie Plame story. Naomi Watts took questions after the screening. She insisted on shooting the unscripted toothbrush & tears scene against the director’s instincts. (He didn’t add it into the final cut until a week before the premiere at Cannes.) Sean Penn’s hair pulling was another powerful actor’s contribution. These actors are not, I’ll wager, short on self-confidence or haunted by unmet dreams. They just keep doing the next right thing.

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