Little Red Riding Hood

MaKayla Songer
Author: MaKayla Songer
Word Count: 946
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Little Red Riding Hood

This was based off of the Rolling Stones song “Little Red Riding Hood,” originally done by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. You can listen to the Rolling Stones version here
I really love that song.
Done for the Twisted Tales competition, Twisted Karaoke.
I would really appreciate any constructive criticism anyone would like to give me, and an enormous thanks to all the folks who have already helped me change this for the better. You don’t know how much I appreciate it. :)

Little Red Riding Hood belongs to the following groups:

Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, Twisted Tales and WMG

Adam turned his head slightly, watching the brunette out of the corner of his eye. Tonight she was wearing a sultry crimson number, it dipped low over her small, shapely breasts and hung well above her knees, displaying much of her toned thighs. It was a little more – well – slutty than her usual attire, but Adam wasn’t complaining. Tonight she was sitting alone, as usual, nursing her drink. She came here quite often, and of course Adam noticed because… well…
He came here to watch her.
He had decided that tonight would be the night. As he stood, and began his way across the smoke-filled bar, “Paint it Black” ended, and another Stones song, one he’d never heard, began to play.

“Hey there little Red Riding Hood… You sure are lookin good… you’re everything that a big, bad wolf, would want…”

He grinned to himself. How very appropriate. He was playing the role of the wolf tonight, was he not? Adam slipped up to her table and smiled with practiced charm.
“May I join you?”
She blinked at him. Her eyes were a little red, and were those dark circles under her eyes? She looked as if she’d been crying. Her makeup was impeccable, however, and he couldn’t be sure…
“I really shouldn’t but… hell, why not?” She grinned at him tentatively. Oh yes, she’d been crying alright.

“What big eyes you have… they’re sure to lure someone bad…”

She’d been crying, and it was just as well for him. It probably even explained that devilish little dress of hers. She was out to stir up some trouble… and trouble was just what she’d get.

“So just to see that you don’t get chased, I think you ought to walk with me for a ways…”

“Can I… get you another drink?” He gestured at her half-empty glass.
“Sure.” She smiled again, and it was a little brighter this time. Damn, this was gonna be easy.
“So…” He started, “Come here often?” He listened to her senseless chatter about her now ex-boyfriend. He was sympathetic. He was understanding, even kind. They danced and he bought her another drink, and another, and another. By the time he’d decided it was time to leave, she was good and gone.

“Little Red Riding Hood… I’d like to hold ya if I could… but you might think I’m a big, bad wolf, so I won’t…”

She was all over him. She clung to him like a wet blanket as he helped her out to his car. He had parked around back, near the encroaching forest, and they were totally, perfectly, alone.
That Stones song was still in his head, and as he bent to kiss her, Mick Jagger drawled: “I’ll keep my sheep suit on… till I’m sure that you’ve been shown… that I can be trusted… walking with you alone…”

She was breathless, almost giddy. When he broke the kiss he searched her eyes eagerly. Had she noticed the knife he had placed against the small of her back? She smiled at him, and leaned into his ear.
Her breath reeked of alcohol as she whispered, “I know you’ve been watching me.”
Adam blinked. That was an unusual statement coming from a woman that was about to die, even if she hadn’t noticed the knife. Adam shrugged it off and grinned his best wolfish grin, moving the knife so that the cold, sharp metal touched her bare flesh. Now she would really cry. Now she would beg. Or scream. Or maybe even fight. Adam liked it when they fought.
But she was still grinning. It was an amused, vindictive grin. Almost a smirk.
And then she was gone. Like lighting, she spun from his grip and rendered his arm a piercing blow. He cried out in pain as the knife clattered to the pavement.
“You might wanna run now, big boy.” She was still grinning. Something was wrong with his vision; her skin was shimmering, wavering, it almost made him sick to look at her. He shook his head and dove for the knife. When he looked back up, the knife clutched in his uninjured left hand, he let out a gasp and almost fell in his haste to scramble backwards.
Where the thin woman once stood there was now an enormous muscle-bound wolf. The-oh-so-sexy red dress lay in tatters about its enormous paws. It was snarling, and long, gleaming runners of saliva dripped from its vicious jaws.
It was between him and the car.
Adam was almost too stunned to move, and then it sprang at him. He spun and bolted for the dark fringe of trees, his heart fluttering in his throat.
He was going to die. That little good-for-nothing-bitch was going to kill him.
A second later Adam felt hot breath on his ankles and screamed. Somehow he managed to increase his speed, pelting faster than he would have believed possible through the blackened forest.
And then he was screaming for real.
He felt it tear at the tender flesh of his ankle, and he fell crashing to the earth. The enormous weight of the thing was crushing him, and then dozens of wet, razor sharp teeth sank into his throat.
Oh man had he judged this one wrong.
He raised his arms and flailed uselessly at the thing, trying to push it off him. As his strength failed and he clenched his fists into the beast’s thick fur… his vision wavering… he noticed that at some point he had put on his faded red hoodie. Damn.

  • krafty

    krafty

    Wow..this is excellent reading material MaKayla….brilliantly written and keeps the reader at the edge of the seat..exciting and pure horror…well done.xxxxx

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thank you very much! :D

  • GarBut

    GarBut

    A good twist, effectively executed, and a generally fun read.

    I wonder if the role reversal could become even further complete by having Adam notice, in his dying moment, that he is wearing a red hoodie? (You would need to change her dress from ‘sultry red’ to ‘sultry scarlet’, or some such.)

    In terms of lyrics as outro and/or Greek chorus: I’m not a fan, but that’s just me, and others will love it. I find it particularly does not work for the outro, unless the lyric is bringing home a NEW perspective. Anyhow, mileage will vary.

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thank you very much for your insightful comments, GarBut! Do you think it works better now? I also thought about just changing it to “faded… red… hoodie…” but I thought that might be a bit much. O.O

  • Miri

    Miri

    hey there, great story & good twist & really fits well with the the song. found the whole thing well paced & wanted to know what was going to happen!

    i would probably lose the lyrics at the end – think it finishes quite nicely on him & his red hoodie – that makes you smile – so i would leave it there. In terms of the weights – personally don’t find it an issue tho might make her one weight rather than a range?

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thanks Miri! I went ahead and changed the weight thing; I just wasn’t happy with it as it was. I haven’t made up my mind about the lyrics yet (I’ve got mixed feedback on that front) so I’m just going to leave it as it is for now.

  • Joel Murdoch

    Joel Murdoch

    Oh man this is good. Very well written with a unique twist. The idea of a sick bastard like this getting the tables turned on him so spectacularly just fills my heart with joy :)

  • Joel Murdoch

    Joel Murdoch

    Oh I did not catch your comments at the side. The weights, now I think of it, do read a bit funny. Would he really be thinking weights and measures at a time like that? Something like “the petite little lady was now a stocky, towering wolf” would read better I think, conveying the “oh shit!” feeling more emotionally than clinically. I like the lyrics at the end, a lot actually. I could picture the thing as a movie, and that passage from the song fading in as the camera pans up to the night sky and the sounds of flesh being munched fade out :)

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thank you very much, Joel! For you comments and your advice. :D
    I went ahead and removed the weight description, but I haven’t decided about the lyrics yet. I had the same idea that you did, about the lyrics coming in like they would in a move, but because it’s being read I’m not sure everybody is going to ‘see’ it that way. I’m leavin’ ‘em for now though. :D

  • WanderingAuthor

    WanderingAuthor

    On your questions: I might make it something like “Where the petite woman once stood there was now a huge wolf.”, and I think the red hoodie line is better to end it with than the final lyrics. Overall, though, a great story with an incredible twist. I thought she might be an undercover cop or something, but never a werewolf. LOL!

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thanks, WanderingAuthor! I did change the weight description. I think it’s a little better now. I haven’t made up my mind about the lyrics yet though. :D
    Yay! I’m glad you didn’t see it coming. :)

  • DBALehane

    DBALehane

    Thanks for posting this to Twisted Tales and best of luck in the Twisted Karaoke competition! Remember to add it to the competition thread though!

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thanks! :D Yeah, I know. I was waiting to add it to the thread until I thought I was finished making changes to it. XD

  • smitisan

    smitisan

    As someone who loves to take fairy tales and twist them, I think you’ve done a great job here. Got the makings of a video for the Stones. But maybe instead of crying over her new boyfriend, she should be upset about her poor gone grandma. Just to get us that much more off the track.

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thanks! (laughs) That would go along with the fairy tale a little better, but I’m not sure she would be out in a bar trying to pick up a guy if her grandma just died. XD All of that was an act – to lure Adam in completely.

  • Alison Pearce

    Alison Pearce

    Fabulous Maykayla!!

  • Alison Pearce

    Alison Pearce

    Sorry I spelt your name wrong there! Goodness, it’s been one of those days! LOL

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thanks! :D And it’s no problem, I know how that goes. :)

  • Beth  Wilson

    Beth Wilson

    This communicated the sinister lure very well. I could ’ hear’ the lyrics of the song with Mick’s menacing tone.

    I have to say, I agree about getting rid of the lyrics at the end. A lot more punchy with the end just being ‘damn’. Just my opinion though – it’s your baby!

    I enjoyed the read – thanks MaKayla.

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Thank you for your kind comment and advice! :D Yeah, the majority opinion has been to get rid of the lyrics, so I guess I’ll go ahead and get rid of them. O.o

  • Alison Pearce

    Alison Pearce

    I’ll be the odd one out and say keep the lyrics – I did in mine as that is the way I interpreted the challenge, and yours blends so beautifully and effortlessly.

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Oh I wasn’t going to take them all out! (Goodness no! XD ) I originally had a couple more lines from the song at the very end of the story, but wasn’t sure how well they worked. The majority opinion was that they didn’t, and in the end I decided I agreed.
    Anyway, thank you very much for your comments! I read your story a good while ago and it was wonderful. :) The way you incorporated the lyrics was my inspiration for this one. I noticed many of the other entries didn’t do it that way at all. (But they’re wonderful also! I would like to try doing one like that as well just for the fun of it.)

  • rrohn

    rrohn

    I’m huge Stones fan and had no idea they did that song. Does anyone know what album it’s from? Until now, I only knew the Sam the Sham. Nice story and nice twist. I like the way you used the lyrics.

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    I actually don’t know what album it’s on. I got on AZ Lyrics.com and tried to find out, but it wasn’t on any of the albums they had listed. This was actually the first version I’ve heard, but I’ve heard our local oldies station play both versions. There’s a link in my description where you can listen to the Stones version if you want. Thanks. :D

  • rrohn

    rrohn

    Thanks. I heard it. It’s really so much better than the Sam the Sham version. So much nastier. At least over the computer, it didn’t sound a whole lot like Jagger. Maybe it’s just me.

  • Natella2020

    Natella2020

    Well-written tale. I liked how you made writing this story an adventure, editing it until you were happy with the result. The title is very enticing.

  • Sabbath

    Sabbath

    I just love that little red riding hood, the way you have written this is superb !

  • Aiya

    Aiya

    Yay!! I loved this Taywah!! Of course, have to admit I saw the end before it happened, but that’s just because I know you and how your mind works… lol

  • MaKayla Songer replied

    Hey you! I tried calling you back. needs to try again I would like to get in touch with you about something, so if you get this give me a call, miss-I-don’t-answer-my-phone! :P

  • tephygirl

    tephygirl

    Wow! I liked that. Gave me chills. I’m still in writer’s block for mine. :( Call me sometime girl!

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