She stood there, shivering, her skin drenched in sweat. She couldn’t believe her eyes, though the horror was all too real. She wanted to scream, to cry, to run… but of course she couldn’t. Instead she stood rooted to the spot, staring at the monstrosity before her.
Blood dripped from his long, glistening fangs, trickled down his chin, and pooled bright and beautiful and terrible around the body of that poor girl. He grinned at her, and she felt her heart flutter madly in her chest like a dying bird. This had not been an accident… he had meant for her to see.
To bear witness to his newfound power.
The Witness
Okay, I’m not much for writing short stories (My ‘short’ story is generally at least 10 typed pages at a MINIMUM), and I’ve never tried Flash Fiction before this so be kind… but I’d still love to hear any constructive crit you wanna throw at me. Just don’t eat me alive. :D
I did this for of of the ‘Flash Fiction’ contests. I just thought it would be fun, and I’d like to start entering as many of these as I can. Because it IS fun, and it’s good practice.
Oh, and I know I used ‘she’ alot, particularly in the first paragraph. I did that on purpose.
Alison Pearce, 3 months ago
Very effective writing! Great flash fiction piece that was full of vivid imagery
NCOFFEY2008, 3 months ago
nice makayla, ...:O)
MaKayla Songer, 3 months ago
Thanks you guys! :D This was fun. :)
Damian, 3 months ago
That was a cool flash moment, definately grabs the interest!
bchrisdesigns, 3 months ago
It would have been nice to have a more clearly defined monster, because this one seems like a vampire and sometimes those can be quite a cliche. However, it works as a flash fiction piece. Poor girl, I wonder why he wanted her (of all people) to see…
MaKayla Songer in reply to bchrisdesigns’s comment, 3 months ago
I intentionally left it that way, open to the imagination. I was somewhat scared of taking away from the reality of the image by adding details. (For instance, different types of monsters have different levels of believability to different people.) He is not really intended to be a vampire though… and I might go back and add a little more to it. However, I think it might end up being a little cliche no matter which way I go about it. :P
I dunno if I wanna change it or not… : /
barnsy, 3 months ago
very graphic very effective