The fitness expert, on breakfast T.V.
is a little way-over-the-top for me.
He comes on the telly, at six-forty-five,
jumping around, when we’re barely alive.
He tells us (with pride) of his morning routine.
He breakfasts on bird seed, and fresh soya bean,
with no added sugar, no E’s and no taste,
and a small cup of wee (for he’s conscious of waste).
This, he takes after a vigorous jog,
and of course, his scheduled use of the bog.
He’d never use Andrex, that’s not who he is,
(but he might use ‘The Fat Slags’ page from The Viz).
An ice-cold shower, comes next on his list,
with a Brillo pad rub-down, not to be missed.
“And after all that” he says with conceit,
“I feel rosy all over, from head down to feet.”
He begins to show off his new training shoes,
but the sound technician, interrupts with some ‘news’
“Just before you get on to the training gear…
…we’d like to hear more about Rosie down here!”
No offence Derek. Its just a joke. Honest.