Jack had hated his miserable wife
for all twenty years of their sad married life,
and now, he was sat in the pub drinking beer,
discussing with a stranger, their chosen career.
The stranger, called Arthur (but Arty, for short),
killed folk for money, but never got caught.
And Jack found that he became quite fascinated
in ridding himself of the wife that he hated.
He asked Arty how much he’d charge for the killing
and Arty replied that he would be quite willing
to strangle Jack’s wife for only a pound,
but he’d need to know where the wife could be found
Jack told Arty his wife always went
on Friday afternoons, to Safeway’s in Gwent,
and wore, every time, a red anorak.
So Arty agreed, and shook hands with Jack
In Safeway, that Friday, Arty was waiting
for the anoraked-wife that Jack had been hating.
And soon, he spotted the lady in red,
selecting a bloomer of wholemeal bread.
Arty went over, and took off his tie,
which he yanked round her throat, and left her to die
But on his way out, through check-out four
he spotted another red coat by the door
So, just to be certain, he choked this one too
and made his escape, while the lady turned blue,
only to see, in the car park out there,
another poor victim in anorak-wear.
So he choked this one also, just to be sure
(though captured on film, by the closed-circuit viewer)
And the newspaper headline, which appeared the next day?
“ARTY CHOKES THREE FOR A POUND IN SAFEWAY!”