Fatal Attraction

Why, only last week he was out at a bar, / when he noticed this beautiful girl from afar.

The Adventures of Milly the cat

When he got to the dairy, he kept out of sight, / and found where the milk was stored for the night. / So Freddy, he stole just to keep him…

Dolly’s paper round

The Problem Page, is run by Bridget, / who cannot decide on a chocolate biscuit.


Tess had a look of shock on her face, / “Well Sindy, I think you’re a perfect disgrace!”

A Close Shave.

“How quaint!” he says, as he walks though the door, / “..you still have sawdust all over the floor!”

More leg room please!

They fed all the ducks, and went on the slide, / but still poor Katie cried and cried.

A very busy week

She went across and asked the lad, / “What’s happened to your mam and dad?

A Pain in the neck

I told the wife I felt like hell. / “Don’t swear,” she said “..You’re just not well.”

A fine spot of headland

He looked quite different from the Alfie I’d known. / On the side of his head, an oak tree had grown,

Christmas Charr

I opened the fridge, for the horse raddish sauce, / where a bottle of wine took my reason by force.

Santa’s Visit

The facts were plain, could not dispute: / Santa had left, without his suit.

A fatherly retort

They slurped and burped through the conversation, / which was heard by most of the diner population.

The NHS patient

She was ‘parked’ in a corridor, with only a sheet / to cover her bits, and keep in the heat.

The Pink Ballet Shoes

She put on the dress, with the crisp white lace, / and the matching gloves, that came up to her face,

Woman’s diary v Man’s diary

After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed. / I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deepl…

Asking for it!

She opened the door, and shouted his name, / then she ventured outside. Was he playing a game?

This takes the biscuit!

“Hmm..” said the Doc, “what biscuits are these? / Are they chocolate, or plain, or the ones with the cheese?”

A Speedy Delivery

“It’s the wife …” answered Davey, “..she’s about to give birth .. / … pushing and panting for all that she’s worth!”

Measure for measure

The pupils had nick-names at Dunn Street School. / Some were quite funny, while others were cruel.

A Nightmarish dream

for the evening before, he’d drank way too much, / with King Charles the spaniel, and a boxer called Butch


They swarm into our pubs and shops, / drinking our beer, and eating our chops.

3 Limericks

Freddy the frog / had to go to the bog / because his poor bladder was busting.

The Evil spirit

The vicar was using a small demonstration :- / Two glasses, a worm, and a bored congregation.

No Teddy Bears’ Picnic!

If you go down in the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise. / If you go down to our magical wood, see it flattened before your eyes.

Pensioners’ day

You can jump every queue, on the strength of your age, / and you wear polyester, in all kinds of beige.

An act of kindness?

Until, on a walk along Tadcaster Street, / Ben stumbled, unable to get back on his feet.

Feeding time at the zoo

Kris’s last job, was just a bit tricky.. / collecting bees’ honey was not only sticky,

Tension Relief

The cabbie looked thoughtful, for a moment or more, / then said, “I’ve been asked that question before …

Cheeky Hung Chow!

Hung Chow Ping woke up depressed / His choice of job was not the best

Ode to a geriatric

Now I watch you do nothing, but merely exist, / And wonder what sorrows, what joys you have missed.


We loved, laughed and cried, like normal folk do. / Did you know that I once was a ‘person’ like you?

A Religious Habit

A customer tried to loosen his ‘shirt’ / but couldn’t find a way through the huge black skirt.

Tools of the trade?

Minutes ticked by, the doc came once more, / he said, “It’s no good, I need a hacksaw!”

Disease of the pocket

He coughed, moaned and spluttered, and stared at the floor, / while the barman felt sorry for the ailing old bore.

The Metal Utensil

He was handed some sheets, to make up his bed, / by an over-worked nurse, “Short-staffing”, she said.

The Mercenary

And soon, he spotted the lady in red, / selecting a bloomer of wholemeal bread.

Clean Sweep

“My chest measures fifty-four inches at least. / Compared to Godzilla, it’s me who’s the beast…

The useful gadget

She’d been led astray by the chief bridesmaid, / who’d been adding gin to her plain lemonade.

The Boss’s wife

“Darling,” she said, eyeing Marcie’s best suit, / “Love what you’re wearing, isn’t it cute?..

Mr Irritator!

He comes on the telly, at six-forty-five, / jumping around, when we’re barely alive.

The day that changed my life

I longed to ask him to spend one more day, / but I knew he was eager to be on his way.

The babysitter from hell

They lit up dad’s fags, and emptied the packet, / and turned up the hi-fi to full-blasting racket.

A bit on the side

“She’s with Uncle Frank, and they’re upstairs in bed” / “And who’s Uncle Frank?” a puzzled Joe said.

Life’s a drag

Uncle Arthur woke with a start / and tried to prise his eyelids apart

Emergency – ‘Ninety-nine’

It roared up the street, with Mick in pursuit, / running at speed, in his hot woollen suit.

The Laird and his Lady

‘He kept the drapes closed, to shut out the light, / and cried himself softly to sleep every night.’
Grandma's toy boy by Margaret Sanderson

A Flaming Thirst

Six-year-old Jamie was safely upstairs / while his gran watched TV in the lounge, unawares / But then Jamie came down, and asked for a drin…
Doctor of death by Margaret Sanderson Much Effort - little Improvement! (a poem) by Margaret Sanderson Dot by Margaret Sanderson
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