Sell Your Art
Sell Your Art
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Joined September 2008
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Why, only last week he was out at a bar, / when he noticed this beautiful girl from afar.
The Adventures of Milly the cat
When he got to the dairy, he kept out of sight, / and found where the milk was stored for the night. / So Freddy, he stole just to keep him…
Dolly’s paper round
The Problem Page, is run by Bridget, / who cannot decide on a chocolate biscuit.
JUST HER CUP OF TEA
Tess had a look of shock on her face, / “Well Sindy, I think you’re a perfect disgrace!”
A Close Shave.
“How quaint!” he says, as he walks though the door, / “..you still have sawdust all over the floor!”
More leg room please!
They fed all the ducks, and went on the slide, / but still poor Katie cried and cried.
A very busy week
She went across and asked the lad, / “What’s happened to your mam and dad?
A Pain in the neck
I told the wife I felt like hell. / “Don’t swear,” she said “..You’re just not well.”
A fine spot of headland
He looked quite different from the Alfie I’d known. / On the side of his head, an oak tree had grown,
I opened the fridge, for the horse raddish sauce, / where a bottle of wine took my reason by force.
The facts were plain, could not dispute: / Santa had left, without his suit.
A fatherly retort
They slurped and burped through the conversation, / which was heard by most of the diner population.
The NHS patient
She was ‘parked’ in a corridor, with only a sheet / to cover her bits, and keep in the heat.
The Pink Ballet Shoes
She put on the dress, with the crisp white lace, / and the matching gloves, that came up to her face,
Woman’s diary v Man’s diary
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed. / I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deepl…
Asking for it!
She opened the door, and shouted his name, / then she ventured outside. Was he playing a game?
This takes the biscuit!
“Hmm..” said the Doc, “what biscuits are these? / Are they chocolate, or plain, or the ones with the cheese?”
A Speedy Delivery
“It’s the wife …” answered Davey, “..she’s about to give birth .. / … pushing and panting for all that she’s worth!”
Measure for measure
The pupils had nick-names at Dunn Street School. / Some were quite funny, while others were cruel.
A Nightmarish dream
for the evening before, he’d drank way too much, / with King Charles the spaniel, and a boxer called Butch
They swarm into our pubs and shops, / drinking our beer, and eating our chops.
Freddy the frog / had to go to the bog / because his poor bladder was busting.
The Evil spirit
The vicar was using a small demonstration :- / Two glasses, a worm, and a bored congregation.
No Teddy Bears’ Picnic!
If you go down in the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise. / If you go down to our magical wood, see it flattened before your eyes.
You can jump every queue, on the strength of your age, / and you wear polyester, in all kinds of beige.
An act of kindness?
Until, on a walk along Tadcaster Street, / Ben stumbled, unable to get back on his feet.
Feeding time at the zoo
Kris’s last job, was just a bit tricky.. / collecting bees’ honey was not only sticky,
The cabbie looked thoughtful, for a moment or more, / then said, “I’ve been asked that question before …
Cheeky Hung Chow!
Hung Chow Ping woke up depressed / His choice of job was not the best
Ode to a geriatric
Now I watch you do nothing, but merely exist, / And wonder what sorrows, what joys you have missed.
ODE TO A GERIATRIC NURSE :_- THE TRANSITION FROM …
We loved, laughed and cried, like normal folk do. / Did you know that I once was a ‘person’ like you?
A Religious Habit
A customer tried to loosen his ‘shirt’ / but couldn’t find a way through the huge black skirt.
Tools of the trade?
Minutes ticked by, the doc came once more, / he said, “It’s no good, I need a hacksaw!”
Disease of the pocket
He coughed, moaned and spluttered, and stared at the floor, / while the barman felt sorry for the ailing old bore.
The Metal Utensil
He was handed some sheets, to make up his bed, / by an over-worked nurse, “Short-staffing”, she said.
And soon, he spotted the lady in red, / selecting a bloomer of wholemeal bread.
“My chest measures fifty-four inches at least. / Compared to Godzilla, it’s me who’s the beast…
The useful gadget
She’d been led astray by the chief bridesmaid, / who’d been adding gin to her plain lemonade.
The Boss’s wife
“Darling,” she said, eyeing Marcie’s best suit, / “Love what you’re wearing, isn’t it cute?..
He comes on the telly, at six-forty-five, / jumping around, when we’re barely alive.
The day that changed my life
I longed to ask him to spend one more day, / but I knew he was eager to be on his way.
The babysitter from hell
They lit up dad’s fags, and emptied the packet, / and turned up the hi-fi to full-blasting racket.
A bit on the side
“She’s with Uncle Frank, and they’re upstairs in bed” / “And who’s Uncle Frank?” a puzzled Joe said.
Life’s a drag
Uncle Arthur woke with a start / and tried to prise his eyelids apart
Emergency – ‘Ninety-nine’
It roared up the street, with Mick in pursuit, / running at speed, in his hot woollen suit.
The Laird and his Lady
‘He kept the drapes closed, to shut out the light, / and cried himself softly to sleep every night.’
A Flaming Thirst
Six-year-old Jamie was safely upstairs / while his gran watched TV in the lounge, unawares / But then Jamie came down, and asked for a drin…
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