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It is half past six in the morning,
I cannot sleep; my bed feels cold.
My window is already glowing,
And I am crying like a six year old.
My only wish is the same as before;
I have not asked for anything more.
How long do I have to wait?
My time is already running late.
Well, this my first upload since the latest changes in RB took place – I hope my description won’t be missed…
Self-portrait asleep in an hourglass feeling more weight from lost time each day…
All images and textures used are my own; and I combined everything in Photoshop.
I don’t actually own an hourglass so I created this image by combining two photos of wine glasses
The background is a close-up of my paper weight that consists of colourful beads in a liquid; while I held it vertically I thought the beads looked like baubles slowly falling like snowflakes…
I don’t usually ask for much nowadays, there would be nothing new that I really want; I can happily spend hours watching the world outside my window, or finding beauty in the mundane – my imagination is all I need. For a few years however, there has been one thing I constantly wanted. There are other things I’d love to have, some maybe even more, but I can accept not having them because it maybe too much to ask for; or, in some ways, it would be better for myself, or people around me, if I didn’t have them. Meanwhile there are some things that just cannot be helped; or too late to ask for. This one thing on my mind however, I still yearn it – in some ways need it. If I can just have that one thing; that alone will already put me to ease, but time is running out…
A few years ago, I made a decision, though events that occurred since may have proven that decision to be the wrong one. I couldn’t have judged the situation before however; – if things happened differently, (i.e. if certain incidents didn’t occur) it could have been a good decision, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case – and to this day I still lose sleep over it. It isn’t a situation one cannot understand easily, but it has been constantly on my mind, and I became a different person. I was under a spell; my character changed – often moody and unpleasant; and I’m unable to break the spell unless I can reverse the consequences. I still have time now, but like the prince, in Beauty and the Beast, who was transformed into a beast by a spell, I can do no more after the last petal falls.
When Beauty entered the beast’s life, his life began to look brighter, and likewise I started to feel better upon a bit of help which, at the least, allowed me to get back my desire to do art again. But even as the beast had Belle in his life, he didn’t change back immediately. My curse hasn’t been lifted yet, and I’m left wondering if it will before the last petal falls… I’m as anxious as the beast who counted his time left as the rose petals fell; or as a captive Dorothy who watched the red sand falling after being told by the Wicked Witch of the West, “You see this? This is all the time you have left to live!” as she turned the hourglass upside down; or Princess Jasmine who was getting buried under the sand of the hourglass that the sorcerer Jafar trapped her in.
If I can be saved, not only would my mind be at peace, but I would be better person to myself and others around me.
If not, I’ll accept it… I’ll have to do my best to control my temper and attitude; even if that means I’m forcing myself to do or say something, be somewhere, or be with someone, but not really doing or meaning it with my heart. I will not always be able to control that though, and people around me will need to understand that when I’m moody, or not keen to be around people, I’m like that for a reason.
I can cope if I were left alone – in my own world…and someday…
views: 839 as of January 12, 2013
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