You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need. by Lucan Industries

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You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need. by 

Out blurts the bastard lovechild Affluenza, from the fetid thighs of this and that.

The Porsche Boxster, surely most symbolic of the lack of taste and the greed of those inflicted with the virus, ideal for dampening the loins of others equally afflicted.

And so the virus spreads…

What do the words within the word within the car say?

“This shirt does not make me a better person. Neither does the phone I use, the watch I wear or the car I drive. These additions to my core will not make me a better parent, provider or friend than I already would have been. I have value independent of my material possessions. I pursue real needs over perceived wants. This shirt will not make me a better person. If your interest in me lies in the number of rooms in my house my interest in your has already ceased. I do not wish to be contaminated by your desire to waste. You are preventing humanity from moving forward. The children you have not yet had are already doomed. This shirt does not make me a better person, but perhaps a wiser one.”

Dedicated to Anne and Darren. Without whom, nothing.




  • Cathie Tranent
    Cathie Tranentover 5 years ago

    No flippant comments on this one.
    I know people like this.

    Again. Brilliant.

  • Kitsmumma
    Kitsmummaover 5 years ago

    wow, amazing, I did a search for cockbag and look what I found.
    Another strong message, I hope these are actually getting through to people, so often affluent = effluent. Great design, I read it the hardway.

  • Oh, full marks for effort, both in reading it and searching for cockbag.

    – Lucan Industries

  • jemimalovesbigted
    jemimalovesbigtedover 5 years ago

    I especially love how affluenza appears when its on white! Bravo

  • What are you doing here?

    – Lucan Industries

  • sjem ©
    sjem ©over 5 years ago

    Classic Lucan.

    Every time you do a hand drawn type tee a mountain of envy swells up inside me and I want to reach through the internets and starngle you.

    The texturing is really neat touch, it implies speed – but not necessarily in a good way. Excellent choice of car too. Was an M3 Beemer the next on the list ? I fucking love M3’s but the only people that drive them are fuckwits.

  • Yes, it was on the list. As was the first Audi TT.

    It’s a horrible piece of trash, Porsche only get good when they have numbers not names. It’s an afterthought, and entry level for the the fucking fashionistas. Has the badge, people will sleep with me.

    – Lucan Industries

  • sjem ©
    sjem ©over 5 years ago

    Arrrg. Double bastard. It works on white AND black.

  • The genius irony of what just happened will be lost on everyone, but not you.

    – Lucan Industries

  • Danny
    Dannyover 5 years ago

    I had a sort of influenza recently and I will definitely take affluenza anytime.
    Love the dedication…..I love you.
    Modern Toss appears on OZ TV this week.
    This is not cryptic, I am unwell.

  • DON’T WATCH IT. It will ruin any enjoyment that you may have got from the book (I hope there was some), somehow they got the TV show BADLY wrong.

    – Lucan Industries

  • Flux
    Fluxover 5 years ago

    This is awesome, no doubt.
    However I find a sense of irony in it’s title:
    Almost every day I feel I move closer to acquiring the happiness mentioned in the title; That is, wanting only what I and my family really need. However the irony is that the closer I and others like you move toward this happiness, the greater is the sense that society as a whole is moving further away from this sort of emancipation from the material. Do you have the same feeling, and does it hurt like hell?

    Great work by the way.

  • Agree. It’s a daily struggle Frank old chap, it really is, the thing is I don’t even need to progress to feel the recession of the others, they are in 5th gear, 6th perhaps, winging it towards, well, actually, I’m not sure anymore, aside from climate collapse, the end of civillisation blah blah. The greed is even less sustainable than anything. And everyone is killing each other as far as I can tell, it’s all an cyclic struggle, people buy papers and give money to people who write things that infect them with distorted values etc etc etc. There are a thousand examples. I enjoy the virus metaphor of Affluenza, it really gets across how this spreads and is possibly unstoppable, you send your children to a school filled with children who are infected? They’re fucked. It’d take superhuman guidance and parenting to protect them. And I fear we’re short on that too.

    Where’s the whiskey?

    – Lucan Industries

  • Scott Robinson
    Scott Robinsonover 5 years ago

    I wish I had the words to describe how many levels I enjoy this on.
    Let me just say I`m struggling with the many levels of wonder here.

    Absolutely amazing

  • transmute
    transmuteover 5 years ago

    I once had a housemate who worked at Porsche Australia, and he got to borrow a Boxter before it came out. We took it for a spin on summer night. I had long hair and a beard and smoked a joint.

  • What an intriguing story, I hope you ended the evening by driving it into a hairdressers. Oh, actually, you were probably wasted, so you probably failed to find reverse and abandoned it on St Kilda road so you could go get some Pringles.

    – Lucan Industries

  • najeroux
    najerouxover 5 years ago

    Have you been crying in Luxury’s Shadow again Lucan?

    Stop all this brilliance nonsense. I can’t be in love with you and Danny. I’m not 17 anymore.


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