the lady, the cell phone and the man behind the counter

So I did it. I officially married the new Mr. MTN. He paid my lobola with a phone I could not open fast enough. Well, please don’t tell everyone that I paid for my own lobola that is a disgrace but this is how it is.

Ok, let me start the story from the top. I have been looking for a new phone for almost 2years now.

The first 6 months was the last 6 months of my contract with Mr. Vodacom and we were going to continue our relationship however no perfect phone presented itself.

So, I kept waiting and watching for the perfect shape, perfect features, perfect price, perfect body, perfect as felt by me. Once in a Vodacom store when I expressed these desires and then they asked me to present my then current phone and the man uglily (allow me to form this word) and insensitively jeered at the fact that I even thought anything wonderful of my then current phone, that I would even wait and weigh any future phones based on the one on my hand. That hurt me but I persevered with Mr. Vodacom ‘till the final story of his unkindness towards me which included stripping me off the numbers I loved and had intended to keep for a lifetime. In other words he stripped me off my ring so what does that mean and what is left except to leave him. Change was then forced upon me. Yellow glory awaited me. I came from blue how could I trust this yellow? I should have seen the colour as a good sign because I love the colour anyway. So I sort of fearfully looked at Mr. MTN’s direction. I then went on to further discuss options of taking the relationship further with their phone deals. My sister waited in the wings for my other phone until she got herself another one because no phone would please me. She gave up.

My younger brother also attempted to solve my cell-phone problem for months until he also gave up. Almost 2years later on Saturday, I thought my eyes finally found rest on this one phone only to find that it is missing one important thing – a better camera. So Mr. MTN shows me another one. He does not know that my dilemma hardly has all to do with function but function is as important as form and sometimes function a little less important than form. Function is wonderful but form must hold it almost perfectly. This is not a reflection on how I pick the perfect gentleman though. Sort of but not quite. His function must be glorious enough to make his form look like a mere shadow even though the form is dearly acceptable if it is glorious and God knows I pray it shall be glorious.
I have owned very few cell-phones in my life.
If one measured commitment according to that, then I think that I would pass for one who has very high commitment levels. I don’t get rid of you as quickly as there’s something that sparkles more than you. My cell phone searches remind me of how my older brother picks a girl from the thousands who are already interested. He waits, weighs, thinks of every angle for what seems to be forever and we pray but clearly not nearly enough yet. But now I think we have added on the list somethings like ‘will she cope with the family?’ Back to my phone, when I lost my phone 3years ago I waited for 3 months and lived without a phone for that period. A phone is personal so here I do not apply my recycling methods. I also rejected all wonderful offers. Yes I recycle pots, washing machines, forks you name it however can I have some grace with this one? I apply different rules to different things. I had to find one with my name written on it at first glance. I believe in love a first sight. If I like you at first sight I will like you forever. I am yet to be wrong. It has nothing to do with what one does but what my spirit tells me. So one glance at Sony Ericson and it sang my name. I owned it for 3 full years and struggled to find something I would feel the same way about. An i-phone is for stars and people who like things.
I would have liked it but it is not enough. It’s not about the money and the glam. So I thought well something sort of similar in an affordable price range but it’s got to be right. Right as decided by my eyes when they see it. Well; I went to Mr. Yellow that good Sunday. The matter was settled in a few minutes with no endless paperwork. Little money involved and there it was. I asked if I could open it. He said sure. I did everything I could to compose myself. I managed until I realized that my hands were struggling to be steady from the excitement of finally having the phone I wanted. I could not open the box fast enough.

Mr. Yellow looks at my hands, looks at my face, looks at the box again and as though he were seeing something far more to be happening than a mere phone was compelled to say: “Let me open it for you!” “It’s like you’re opening a Christmas present!” he exclaimed. I realised that I had been found out. After all, what woman opens her own engagement box and puts it on her own finger? It was Mr. Mtn’s job to do this. He opened it and said take it. I grabbed the phone and was marvelous to touch and behold. I exclaimed: “Dude Yes! Do you know how long I have waited for the perfect phone and now to find it and to own it!” Mr. Yellow MTN added more points to himself by asking: “Can I see, what phone did you have before?”
I whipped my old one out and he responded sincerely impressed: “O yes, that was a really nice phone.” Mr. Blue in Vodacom had looked at it coldly and jeered that I had thought any good thing of my Sony. Mr. Yellow said it was great even though he had just slipped the sparkling more wonderful new ring on my finger. It is not the most expensive phone on the market, no sir, no ma’m but it is the loveliest and most elegant phone I have owned. The ladies love it. The boys at work got their hands on it and they loved it. They want one even though one just got a brand new phone 2 weeks ago.

So far me and the phone are living happily and still love its quiet elegance and big screen and shape and very different from my old chunky bright one.
I have a new number and I am ayoba. I refused to be bullied by Mr. Vodacom however he is still ruthlessly pursuing me. I wish he were pursuing me with love but he is more interested in teaching me a lesson by placing all sorts of charges against me though I have time and time again expressed my wishes to settle the matter but only if it is done fairly. I want a clean divorce and please let me enjoy my current marrige please Mr. Blue.

Yellow glory for now has been kind thank you.

the lady, the cell phone and the man behind the counter

LoveWitness

CAPE TOWN, South Africa

  • Artist
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Artist's Description

I guess this is a free advert for my cell-phone networks which has been/is a frustrating and fun experience as the battle continues. I am sure this sort of thing happens anywhere in the world for as long as there is a customer and a big company.

lobola – is dowry the man pays when he wishes to marry a woman.
ayoba means cool. South African slang.

Artwork Comments

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