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Whatever you focus your attention on will GROW

21 years ago I ran away from home, and never stopped running. Little did I know I was running from myself and what I later realized to be PTSD and severe anxiety. I focused all of my attention on the past…of the horrible things that happen to women, me being one of them. I moved to Windsor, Ontario in 2007 and that is when the darkness started to come out in my photography…progressively getting darker and darker until late last year. I knew I was good at it, and kept trying to one up myself in darkness. Living alone staring at my dark art on the walls gave me nightmares at times.
2 years I was diagnosed with 4 herniated discs in my neck, spinal stenosis and degenerative disc disease. All of these discs are all in a row, one so bad that it’s pinching my spinal cord and it’s fluid. No one would believe me, endless visits in emergency, doctors blaming it on me being a hysterical woman, or my anxiety. The MRI proved them all wrong. 3 neurosurgeons later I am still in the same boat.
2 months ago I awoke to a swollen left hand. I could no longer see my knuckles. I could no longer dress myself. I had home health care (nurses) coming over to help me with my IV and bags of medicine.
I seen a surgeon, he sliced my knuckle open while awake to swab it. I seen an infectious disease doctor after weeks of having a lot of blood drawn. Every test came back negative. Still I couldn’t use my left hand. This on top of my neck issue, my assisted living apartment, and riding the handicap bus.
For a once active healthy woman to aboard a handicap bus for the first time was quite the shock to the system.

This year I moved. This year I took all my dark art down and replaced it with beauty, nature and feminine works. I have daily affirmations printed everywhere I can see. I have been praying and believing in change, and that I can make the change fantastic. Throughout all of this I have had the help and neverending love and support of my bestfriend and soulmate. She goes by the name darkgrrl.
We have killed old toxic habits. We have slowly changed our ways of thinking.
Every day we focus on the small miracles…of a woman playing and talking with her child instead and seeing the eyes of that child beam. Random acts of kindness and miracles are everywhere.

It used to break my heart that I was the only one to every visit my family and make phone calls…then I realized you can’t make someone do or act or be what they cannot. Family doesn’t necessarily have to mean blood.
It is best to shelf the past and to focus on the now.

My dear darkgrrl has been my best friend, my family, my nurse, my everything. If it wasn’t for her, I would be homeless, starving and without proper care.
There are higher forces that make things happen to the good, and finally at 37 I am accepting that I am worthy of this goodness.

A few months ago we looked out my balcony window to see this beautiful oriental elderly woman doing tai-chi in my courtyard below. she had no music, no distractions…i sat haunted and speechless. At that moment, it was as if something possessed me with the most amazing postitive light. I had to go down there to speak with her, photograph her. Bless her soul, she didn’t speak a word of english, but her smile and the light that radiated from her eyes were the brightest light i have ever seen.
This morning I looked out my window and there she was, after months of not seeing her. I went down to give her the photos I had taken of her, and she smiled and hugged me. To be embraced with that much beauty and good karma from a stranger that doesn’t speak or understand a word of english was the most amazing feeling in the world. I am fascinated that we are strangers and can communicate perfectly with eyes, smiles and hugs.

Last weekend I was in a cafe, holding a bag of ice to my neck which the pain was out of the world, talking to darkgrrl. i hadn’t noticed but this man that was staring at me was talking to her. She looked at me and said ’he’s a doctor, he can help you’.
In my head I was confused, thinking ‘with what? my hand? neck? feet? i have a lot of health issues.’
He took me to his office and did some reflexology and naturopathic remedies. My neck pain (for that day) vanished. 2 days later I awoke with feeling returning in my hand and being able to bend my finger after 2 months of it being lifeless. There is still a lot of pain that comes and goes but life is returning to me.

What are the chances of paths crossing such as these?

Whatever doubts I had of something out there, a higher being, spirituality…
they no longer exist.

Also I have learned the stories of some amazingly strong and beautiful women on Redbubble (you know who you are) and feel that we are all connected.
I guess the point to all of this is whatever you focus your thoughts on…that is what grows…so would you rather have a mind full of weeds? or the most beautiful and lucious garden?

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Whatever you focus your attention on will GROW by 


Tags

hope, health, women, feminine, paths, spiritual, wonder, naturopath, fate

I am a self taught photographer and everything artist. For me this is meditation and medication!
I want to invade your mind or strike a cord in your heart with what I do. I do this for ME and those I love.
Everything I do is inspired by The Legendary Pink Dots, Isis and my dear darkgrrl♥

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Comments

  • CeePhotoArt
    CeePhotoArtalmost 3 years ago

    Hi Heather, you story and attitude are awesome. Keep on focusing on the future and become it. Your photography is marvelous and I applaud your strength and courage!!! Many blessings!!!

  • thank you dear Cee. I have wanted to write about it for quite some time…but after reading your brilliant masterpiece…well, you inspired me, and will continue to do so for quite some time…we are both strong♥ many blessings to you also my dear!!!

    – Heather King

  • Jenifer DeBellis
    Jenifer DeBellisalmost 3 years ago

    Amen! This is a wonderful testimony, one filled with depth of growth, revelation, and the promise of deliverance. I believe there are no coincidences, only supernatural occurrences and destinies divinely inspired. Thank you for sharing this, Heather. In doing so you not only minister to yourself, you minister to so many others in the process. xox

  • Thank you so much for you words Jenifer. I read Cee’s story of her brave heart and beautiful soul and was so inspired. It is nice to know I’m not the only one who believes in everything happening for a reason:)
    xo

    – Heather King

  • Mark Ramstead
    Mark Ramsteadalmost 3 years ago

    A fascinating read and tale. Humans are complex beings and do not automatically choose the right paths and belief systems just because we can choose. There are many ways to service our souls, with our actions. I am glad your new path has brought you some resolution to your serious problems.

  • thank you mark. i love that phrase ‘service our souls’ and with our actions. beautifully put!

    – Heather King

  • Scott Mitchell
    Scott Mitchellalmost 3 years ago

    I got chills reading that Heather – our lives and experiences mirror each others WAY too much. :)))) And the fact that you have and LOVE your babies (other people call them pets), your health issues, and your deep, commited, and amazingly beautiful PASSION for your work, and the need you have (as do I) for that work to be personal, meaningful, deep down to your core….
    I wish I could give you a hug for sharing this with us…and with me. I know I see a long friendship here, you and me. Its inevitable. :))
    Scott xoxoxox

  • awe, you’re the sweetest scott:)
    you’re the first person i met that is totally obsessed with their baby…daughter…cat♥ so much more than a ‘pet’.
    some people have pets so the pets can serve them, and other people have pets so they can pour their every ounce of love into them…we fall into that category:)
    our art…is all about letting our souls shine.
    i see a long friendship here as well:) did so from the start.
    BIG HUGS back at you
    xoxo

    – Heather King

  • Barry Norton
    Barry Nortonalmost 3 years ago

    Your story brought a lump to my throat, I send healing thoughts and prayers to you, and an affirmation.

    EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY I GET BETTER AND BETTER

    repeat this to your self often, I think you will be surprised

  • you are amazing Barry! thank you for the mantra/affirmation ‘EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY I GET BETTER AND BETTER’ i swear i have heard that before and said that before…so many years ago from a holistic healer, or a therapist…
    thank you so much for the healing thoughts and prayers
    hugs

    – Heather King

  • Lensman2008
    Lensman2008almost 3 years ago

    Your story brings to mind two well known sayings:
    ‘Into each life a little rain must fall’ and ‘Every cloud has a silver lining’.

    Good to read that you have beaten your ‘bète noir’!!

  • Heather King
    Heather Kingalmost 3 years ago

    thanks so much lensman2008! forgive me, what is ‘bete noir’ ?

  • ArtByConnie
    ArtByConniealmost 3 years ago

    I believe things happen for a reason and I was meant to ready your story, as well as the comments from others. I too, had a lump in my throat. Your story has inspired me in many ways :-) I haven’t been on RB for a few months and went right to your story (which is unlike me) Meant to be! BLESS YOU

  • awe, you’re a sweetheart Connie…thank you. I read another member’s life story full of so much bravery and positivity, that she inspired me to write!
    it takes a long time to get rid of negativity and toxins (job/people/habits/etc) but once one closes all those doors, many new ones open. BLESS you also♥

    – Heather King

  • annacuypers
    annacuypersalmost 3 years ago

    Heather, hi, it is such a coicidence but we have almost the same problems, I can not explain it very well in English… I find it very strong from you that you think the positive side of life, IO also try to do that most of the time and it really works… Powerful story here my dearest, well done of you, love and peace to you, all the best, hugs, anna XXX

  • awe sweet anna♥ you and a few other ladies on here have inspired me so deeply within. i’m so glad we are friends….
    when i read what you have gone through i seen many similiarities in you and me. it’s hard, but looking at all the good and focusing on THAT is the only way. i hope you’ve been well, you’re in my thoughts all of the time. love and peace to you too my dear. xoxo heather

    – Heather King

  • Bridgett Ferguson
    Bridgett Fergusonalmost 3 years ago

    your tale of the connection with the lovely Asian woman sent chills up my arms sweetie. what a beautiful and heartwarming thing. i am so happy that you have found light and peace in your life as i know of no one who deserves it more than you my dear Locust Girl. i hope,in the future,that everything in every aspect of your life continues to follow a positive path. i love you very much! ♥♥♥

  • thanks so much bridgett!!! it’s been so long. i’m sorry i haven’t written, focusing all i’ve got on light and nature photography. wish you would send me some pix for a collab.
    love ya
    xo

    – Heather King

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