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A mask I've worn but the truth will be told by Heather King

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A mask I've worn but the truth will be told by 


Featured in
The World As We See It , or as we missed it
Art Universe
ImageWriting
LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
Feminine Intent
Creation
Today I am thankful for
Self Taught Photographers
Anxiety
31 favortes and 319 views and 3/2/2013
My entire life I have felt drastically ‘different’ from all of those around me. I will be 39 years old next month, and I left home at 16. I always thought it was ‘me’ that something was ‘wrong’ or ‘broken’ within. My whole life I found it almost impossible to ‘connect’ with those around me. I would retreat to music, penpals, art and books…I couldn’t get ‘hurt’ this way.
Everything was always blamed on my ‘anxiety’ without further investigation until a couple of years ago.
I had been in and out of therapy since 16 years old, trying to get to the bottom of things, so I could find myself and my soul could be set free.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago, many sessions, questions and truths that were told that I was finally given an ‘official’ diagnosis.
I was ‘terrified’ fearing the labelled ‘term’ that was being delivered to me would feel like a death sentence…but it wasn’t.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The more it was explained to me, the more I read up on it, the more I felt closure and an eerie completeness….as the answer to this troubling question was answered.
So very few I have told this ‘secret’ to. I was worried I would be judged.
I am tired of wearing the mask and pretending that everything is okay. I am tired of living in constant fear and dread of being abandoned.
The few I have let in near and dear to my heart, embrace and accept this part of me with zero judgement.
They realize it’s not ‘madness’ and that I wasn’t born this way and that things are NOT done for drama.
I was given so much support and compassion when I came out with finally being diagnosed with lyme disease…and today I felt it important to come out with this.
I am an extremely private person, I have shared so much with my online family and friends and in return they have shared so much with me, personally, tragically, beautiful and painful.
I believe ‘truth’ will set one free.
Once all is revealed, there is no longer anything to be afraid of.
Fear is the enemy.
I am hoping by being brave that this will help those near and far from me to understand me a little bit better.
For those of you I have never told, I am sorry, I didn’t know how.
No longer am I ashamed.

For more information on borderline personality disorder, please read the information below.

CAUSES
Borderline personality disorder is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions, such as feelings about themselves and others
Genetic, family, and social factors are thought to play roles.
Risk factors for BPD include:
Abandonment in childhood or adolescence
Disrupted family life
Poor communication in the family
Sexual abuse

SYMPTOMS
People with BPD also tend to see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. Their views of other people may change quickly. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down on the next day. These suddenly shifting feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships.
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
Intolerance of being alone
Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing
*Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms *
*Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self *

I am most thankful for those who have remained at my side for years, I know this hasn’t been a picnic, and I thank you for believing in me.

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This image is © Heather King. You may not use this or any of my images (in whole or in part). All Rights Reserved.
Copying, altering, displaying or redistribution of any of these images without written permission from the artist is strictly prohibited.
Self portrait January 2013
edited in Corel X2

Tags

feminine, beautiful, woman, sensual, sensual woman, spiritual, seduce, erotic, desire, sexy, model, popular, emotion, beauty, mystical, fantasy, hair, eyes, heather king, locustgirl, mask, green, portrait, gothic, goth

I am a self taught photographer and everything artist. For me this is meditation and medication!
I want to invade your mind or strike a cord in your heart with what I do. I do this for ME and those I love.
Everything I do is inspired by The Legendary Pink Dots, Isis and my dear darkgrrl♥

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Comments

  • Sharon House
    Sharon Houseover 1 year ago

    Wonderfully done Heather!!! For me ~ an outstanding presentation!!

  • thank you very much sweet Sharon♥

    – Heather King

  • Vicki Spindler (VHS Photography)
    Vicki Spindler...over 1 year ago

    WOW this is an incredible picture Heather!!! Stunning portrait, and I love the green mask, excellent selective colouring!! Wow I had no idea, I have a friend who has similar problems anxiety etc so I understand it must be very difficult. Beautiful work Heather, love and light to you :))))))))))))) x x x ♥

  • awe you are so full of much energy and light dear Vicki!!!!
    Thank you so much for your kind, encouraging supportive words:)
    much love and light to you my dear

    xo

    – Heather King

  • Donna Keevers Driver
    Donna Keevers ...over 1 year ago

    That had me in tears… I pretty much feel that way myself at the moment.

    BLESS YOU for sharing this! THANK YOU for sharing this. Much love and gratitude to you, Heather!!

    Fabulous image, also. xxxx

  • awe, you made my night with your kind words dear Donna♥
    I am sorry you are feeling this way at this way at the moment…and I hope it soon passes!
    much love and light to you my dear
    xo

    – Heather King

  • Renate  Dartois
    Renate Dartoisover 1 year ago

    Yes Heather acknowledging the truth will set you free because you should never feel bad to write or talk about what is going on inside you the people that love you will still be by your side and the once that don’t are not worthy of knowing you.

  • Your words are so good to read Renate♥ thank you for all that you have said…and I have to learn ‘the ones that don’t stick to my side aren’t worthy of knowing me’ so very true….
    I needed this tonight
    thank you my dear
    I hope you’re having a most lovely evening
    love and light to you♥

    – Heather King

  • © Sophie W. Smith
    © Sophie W. Smithover 1 year ago

    Beautiful picture Heather, and beautiful you! ;o) Thank you for sharing your story. Stay strong. :o)

  • thank you so much sweet Sophie♥ hope you’re having a most lovely and relaxing evening♥

    – Heather King

  • K Lockhart
    K Lockhartover 1 year ago

    Honey,
    You ARE a very brave and courageous woman and I am so very proud of you and that you are my best friend. The darkness of the past continues to shed the more you move into the light. Those who don’t understand or who cannot be compasionate towards this, or accept, well that is their loss. People have to move past aspects of their ego and put themselves in the other’s shoes. Maybe then can their eyes truly be open

    You are thee most beautiful, kind and loving woman honey
    I love you
    Xoxo
    K

  • you’re so sweet Kristy to think and say these things….I don’t know how others see bravery and courage or strength within me…I hope some day I can see all the goodness in myself that others can see so easily.
    Thank you for being at my side throughout everything and understanding fully why and how I am the way that I am.
    I love you
    xo

    – Heather King

  • Renee Blake
    Renee Blakeover 1 year ago

    You are a very beautiful, talented and strong woman Heather. I so admire you form sharing your story with us.
    Renee
    Xxxx

  • Wow Renee, what an incredibly kind and beautiful thing to say….thank you so very much
    xo

    – Heather King

  • Bunny Clarke
    Bunny Clarkeover 1 year ago

    Fabulous creation. Love the colors in this.

  • thank you sweet Bunny♥

    – Heather King

  • Donna19
    Donna19over 1 year ago

    Love the image friend. I think you have taken the weapon out of peoples hands with the raw honesty here. Bravo! I could feel the release of your words and that alone has to have a good impact on your healing. This is good to hear and I am glad you shared such a private feeling. Beautiful work Heather. xxx

  • I just LOVE LOVE LOVE what you said dear Donna, that I have ‘taken the weapon out of people’s hands with raw honesty’… that is what my intentions were…but because of what lyme has done to my mind, I can’t really formulate words how I used to…you took them right from me…speaking them how I meant them:) I did feel a huge release (however could you have known that?)
    thank you muchly for your insight my dear
    xo

    – Heather King

  • CanyonWind
  • awe, thank you so much sweet POP’s for this fabulous feature!!!!!
    hope you are having a most splendid day♥

    – Heather King

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