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The World As We See It , or as we missed it
LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
Today I am thankful for
Self Taught Photographers
31 favortes and 319 views and 3/2/2013
My entire life I have felt drastically ‘different’ from all of those around me. I will be 39 years old next month, and I left home at 16. I always thought it was ‘me’ that something was ‘wrong’ or ‘broken’ within. My whole life I found it almost impossible to ‘connect’ with those around me. I would retreat to music, penpals, art and books…I couldn’t get ‘hurt’ this way.
Everything was always blamed on my ‘anxiety’ without further investigation until a couple of years ago.
I had been in and out of therapy since 16 years old, trying to get to the bottom of things, so I could find myself and my soul could be set free.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago, many sessions, questions and truths that were told that I was finally given an ‘official’ diagnosis.
I was ‘terrified’ fearing the labelled ‘term’ that was being delivered to me would feel like a death sentence…but it wasn’t.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The more it was explained to me, the more I read up on it, the more I felt closure and an eerie completeness….as the answer to this troubling question was answered.
So very few I have told this ‘secret’ to. I was worried I would be judged.
I am tired of wearing the mask and pretending that everything is okay. I am tired of living in constant fear and dread of being abandoned.
The few I have let in near and dear to my heart, embrace and accept this part of me with zero judgement.
They realize it’s not ‘madness’ and that I wasn’t born this way and that things are NOT done for drama.
I was given so much support and compassion when I came out with finally being diagnosed with lyme disease…and today I felt it important to come out with this.
I am an extremely private person, I have shared so much with my online family and friends and in return they have shared so much with me, personally, tragically, beautiful and painful.
I believe ‘truth’ will set one free.
Once all is revealed, there is no longer anything to be afraid of.
Fear is the enemy.
I am hoping by being brave that this will help those near and far from me to understand me a little bit better.
For those of you I have never told, I am sorry, I didn’t know how.
No longer am I ashamed.
For more information on borderline personality disorder, please read the information below.
Borderline personality disorder is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions, such as feelings about themselves and others
Genetic, family, and social factors are thought to play roles.
Risk factors for BPD include:
Abandonment in childhood or adolescence
Disrupted family life
Poor communication in the family
People with BPD also tend to see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. Their views of other people may change quickly. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down on the next day. These suddenly shifting feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships.
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
Intolerance of being alone
Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing
*Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms *
*Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self *
I am most thankful for those who have remained at my side for years, I know this hasn’t been a picnic, and I thank you for believing in me.
This image is © Heather King. You may not use this or any of my images (in whole or in part). All Rights Reserved.
Copying, altering, displaying or redistribution of any of these images without written permission from the artist is strictly prohibited.
Self portrait January 2013
edited in Corel X2