Acceptance is extremely difficult.
I’ve gone through the denial, the grief, the heartache of having a ‘diagnosis’ delivered to me with no known cure. Today I wanted to capture the mood and lonely feeling of acceptance.
I accept that currently I am not the woman I once was (mentally, physically, emotionally) but have every ounce of hope that some day I will return to her.
There is a constant battle inside of my mind. More than just the inner voice talking. What people don’t realize (I never knew this either in the beginning) is that people with chronic lyme disease…they suffer from lyme rage. It makes PMS look like a picnic in DisneyLand. The co-infections of this monster of a disease are too many to list, but the bad once are Bartonella and Babesia, which I have both.
Symptoms of Bartonella include: extreme anxiety, panic, mood swings, uncontrolled episodes of rage, skin rashes, stretch marks, shin pain, soles of feet hurt, gastrointestional issues
Symptoms of Babesia include: sweats, flushing, chills, headahces, nuchal pain, shortness of breath, air hunger, chest pain, rib pain, nausea, muscle pain, numbness/tingling in extremities, carpal tunnel symptoms, unsteadiness, dizziness, palpatations, anxiety, ADD, OCD, muscle twitching, anemia.
My LLMD is hoping to treat the babesia and bartonella with all the meds I am on, then we’ll attack the lyme.
It’s extremely unnerving to be fine one moment and then the sound of a bag rattling or a mannerism, the sound of hair moving on clothing can set me off.
I spoke with a fellow lymie today and the more I know the more empowered I feel. It is interesting how people with this disease go one of 2 ways, either anorexic not by choice, no matter how much they eat they lose rapid unhealthy amounts of weight…or overweight, no matter how little or healthy you eat (even under 1000 calories a day) you will continue to grow in size:(
I am now in the stage of acceptance, and I hope and I pray that some of the measures I am taking will help me heal.
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