Mountain Climbing Tale

I faced a similar death when climbing a great Mountain where
I had grappled for more rope and found myself shorted.
I must not have looked far enough ahead to have known’
this mountains great range nor depth nor power.

The slope was familiar as I seemed to have been perched on a small crag for many months then howling sometimes to the moon for release, to the depths of my own death I had thought. But I kept hanging on wondering if someday soon I could just grow wings and take flight out of this mess I seemed to be in. Month after month I found ways to stay on my little ledge and was comforted by the gusts of breezy feelings that I was right where I should be, or that I was a mountain goat accustomed to the vertigo and loneliness that the solitude of great spaces like this place revealed.

I ate bits of muted grass and found the soil rich with secrets that only my heart could explain. My heart grew more rope and I then began to climb further up. I should have stopped right there but the taste of the joys my heart was experiencing seemed endless. And then I came to the mother of all Crevasses where there was a gorge so deep and wide that I knew there was no going on. My heart sank with a measureless thunk’ as it depended on the assent and I was left with the decision once more of detaching and finding my way back to safer elevations of existence; the kind that had a richness of breath but a shortness of verve and vitality that dangerous mountain climbing can give one.

I am here you see, halfway down lying in this sickbed and I hear the mountainous singsong, and it weeps for my tender focus.

The weather, did I mention that? It is not faithful to anything but itself. It’s randomness is like a solid rock truth and you just never know when you will run into a storm that will knock you off your feet or blow you away. My last day almost blew me away right off the place I was standing as I was trying to turn around and come down from there. The Wind almost took me real good and it was then and there that I knew I was not built to climb such a grand and Extensive trek.

My heart still is beating erratically. It faces a time of utter loss and misses the feeling of its own nectar excreting a juice that only climbing that mountain provided. I feed it chamomile tea and crumpets. I must wait and see. But all of you have been great to care for me now that I am back down to this level of living. I just wanted to tell this story for the poor lad you just brought in lying next to me with all the scars I recognize when one goes beyond hope.

Linaji 2009

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crags, crevass, e hope, feari, friendships, kindness, linaj, lov, lovers, mountains, pain and relationships