When I was eleven I used to cut school
walk to the beach and pretend,
I pretended I was loved
and I pretended I was beautiful
I used to sit on the sand
pick up shells and use them as
a phone to my heart
I was worried…
worried that I was not hearing me!
I was right you know, I was not hearing
I laid back and let tears roll down my cheeks
I laid back and heard the wind sweep across my belly
I laid back and shut my eyes to the bright new day
I laid back and dreamed I was loved
and light and gay…
Sometimes when the weather was a mix of
sun and clouds
and the smell of rain arose
I would get a feeling;
it had smooth edges of smiles and tender pats on the backside
it had a feeling that I still get when
I open my bed
jump inside cause it’s so cold
wiggle as I pull the covers over me and
shiver shiver shiver
laughing all the while.
I make utterances that are a bit primal and fulfilling
I’ve never asked anyone in the world if they do this
or ever did as it feels exciting almost sexual and free.
alone on the beach with the wind sand and sea
I would feel this amazing loneliness that seemed to have
jumped off from the shoulders of this expansive joy
like I just made something so beautiful and now had to
Let It Go
That’s what I feel today
as I look at the strokes of love and the
layers of light I just allowed into Being
which for some damn reason
feels all at once beautiful
and all at once lost.
I begin to worry;
does that mean I lost a part of me?
released the latch?
The one that opens my heart
to another realm of
One of my first Abstracts that broke my heart when I had to let it go