I went to the supermarket today.
I listened to the Radio on the way. Triple J.
They were talking about lazy eyes and were describing a photo
of four people standing together who all have this amazing trait.
I smiled along. I have always liked lazy eyes. I like to paint them…
and I enjoyed the thought of a celebration of people who have lazy eye(s).
The people I know who have a lazy eye (and I know three)
also possess charisma, great wit and social stamina.
Back on the radio…
They moved on to discussing stories of When and If You (the Listener)
had ever been accidently mistaken for a member of the opposite sex.
Again I laughed along because this has happened to me.
A few times actually – Damn those eighties haircuts. Hair-Don’ts.
I arrived at the Supermarket with appropriate heart hammering trepidation.
I buzzed under the flouro lights. Kept my head down. Tail up… looking for the few things we needed at home then took my place in a comfortingly short queue.
I noticed the couple in the aisle next to me.
Her hair first – a dark cloud. Then I saw him. He reminded me of my best Bloke.
A rough diamond.
When she turned around I recalled the radio conversation about eyes immediately..
Now, this woman did not have a lazy eye….. not by any stretch of the imagination
but they were beautifully wide-set
and framed by a story-filled face.
I did what I never do. I wrote down my details and then I interupted their lives by giving the slip of paper to her.
Hindsight is a bitch. I didn’t really put any thought into this plan and subsequently had to wait, awkwardly in line, while the shop assistant completed my transaction.
NOTE TO SELF:
Trying to write on a moving conveyor-belt is embarrassing and rather annoying.
Once the couple had left, I noticed all the other shoppers looking at me as though I was an alien. Perhaps they were wondering who I was and why I would dare give my number to a beautiful stranger? I didn’t realise how loud the silence in my general vicinity was until it got noisy again.
While in the silence and waiting and fielding looks from curious onlookers… I noticed another Her. I had met her before. In a pub not long ago.
She had been, that night, a style oasis in a drunken, men wearing miniskirts kind-of-desert. Firstly, She was taller than the blokes. Statuesque. She was made up beautifully. I could see the effortless time on her face…..Hair pulled up tight and in an eighties off-to-one-side fluffy ponytail.
She moved as though she was the Principal dancer
in a Spandau Ballet video clip.
That night she had been wearing fur
which I usually find abhorant and unnecessary…
I think it was a fox.
My imagination has turned it white. I wanted to stroke it.
Don’t judge me if I did.
I smiled at her and yelled over the throbbing of the band, “You’re beautiful!”
Then I think I jumped up and down
over and over on the spot saying Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful
Did I mention she had a beauty spot?
She smiled back like a Lady and said “Sweetie, if I was a Man.. I’d fuck you.”
I blushed and tried to take a swig of my whiskey.
So, back in the supermarket, I see her and I think
I told her I wanted to take her photo when we met at the pub.. so she’s been forewarned….
Still standing at the counter, I grabbed a pen and wrote my details down which again freaked EVERYBODY around me out…. Perhaps they were wondering if they were next… and I decided ( as you do) to stalk her (for lack of a better word) until I found her to give her my details. I could have waited calmly and sanely on the bench outside…. but…
Did I mention she had an Anaiis Nin flapper curl on her cheek? No?
She seemed happy to see me….gave me a kiss on the cheek. I gave her my number and told her where to find my work. Then, I was out of there…
But not before I noticed another woman. Blonde. Punk in down-time. Tatts. Very Pretty and it crossed my mind that I could try for the lucky three but some voice in me screamed ENOUGH WOMAN! CHILL THE HELL OUT!
I didn’t give her my details. Wish I had….
Because she could have been the woman I saw walking down Main Street (like, ages ago) when I was driving a van and feeling like a man. Occasionally, I like to feel like a man.
But I digress…… somewhat.
She could have been the woman who laughed with me from across a road
when she saw me being a man
making a PHWOAR face in her direction.
(PHWOAR – basically means I can’t find any other words to describe your hotness)
Did I mention she was carrying a skateboard??
I have been feeling so bad of late.
The muteness and petrification of me in this depression has and can leave me cemented to the same spot in my home for more than two hours at a time
trying to decide what direction to walk… the kitchen, the lounge, the bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen… It wants to kill me. But it wont. And we all know that…
Look at this life and it’s magic. The friendships…. the ones that Are.
I’ll rest tonight knowing that there are people who have faith in me. I’m proud I allowed the bravery to return for ten minutes today and that I laughed in the sunshine with my family.
an open letter to my fairy godfather