Stillborn

I.

Back when you were beautiful
And falling in love was still
Easy –
I was young,
Too young to hold on to love and
Too old to remember
You from an old life.
We were once together
Under the stars
Above the world
Above care, sorrow, falsehoods …
We were
Two souls who loved, if not each other:
Someone.
We were two hearts, beating softly
Not thrumming like a drum as they do now,
Eager, overeager, for some tired, washed-up affair.
Back when I was strong
And you could dance me round without hurting
Me
I was young
Too young to not grab onto love
Too old to remember
Your smile from an old life.
We were young together once, and younger still, and still younger:
We were old together, maybe died together;
Maybe you were my lover,
Or maybe you were my brother,
Or my son
Or a stranger I passed on the street.
What if all strangers we meet
And look in the eye
And nod to –
What if they will be our next life’s debt?
What do we owe them?
What do I owe you?
And I wonder sometimes,
What do you owe me?
If old friends are the next life’s treasure,
What will we be to each other
One hundred years from now?

II.

There was a portrait on your piano
of you
I remember it because
I loved it,
I wanted it,
wanted to steal it and never
let it go.
Were there any photographs of me
you wanted?
I’ll give them all to you now,
now that they mean nothing.

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A young woman can feel quite old when she reflects on lost love – and worse, love that never was. I feel very old tonight.

Listening to:

Comments

  • VampireLily
    VampireLilyabout 2 years ago

    this made my eyes well up….because i have lived this before, i’ve lived this every day that i can remember and all the days that i don’t~

  • Please know how much that means to me. <3 Thank you.
    Me too — this is life.
    xoxo
    Lily

    – lilynoelle

  • DeeLishess
    DeeLishessabout 2 years ago

    This is so haunting and beautiful…

  • A belated thank you, Lish! :)

    – lilynoelle

  • msdebbie
    msdebbieabout 2 years ago

  • I don’t know how I missed this one, but THANK YOU!!!!!!! <3

    – lilynoelle

  • chrythmnove
    chrythmnoveabout 2 years ago

    I have just been re-visiting old family graves this year documenting and found stillborns had no-rights to a headstone or names in 1950’s. My mother had two. We had names ‘chosen’ for our stillborn siblings.

  • What an interesting story! My best friend also had stillborn siblings … I can’t imagine that feeling. :(

    – lilynoelle

  • 8upchef
    8upchefabout 2 years ago

    Excellent!

  • Thank you!

    – lilynoelle

  • Lissie E J
    Lissie E Jabout 2 years ago

  • Thank you, very belatedly but still MUCH appreciated!

    – lilynoelle

  • dusanvukovic
    dusanvukovicalmost 2 years ago

    wow, excellent!

  • Thank you so much!

    – lilynoelle

  • Julie  White
    Julie Whitealmost 2 years ago

    Outstanding read,so beautiful so sweet.

  • Thank you VERY much, Julie! <3

    – lilynoelle

  • Ellanita
    Ellanita10 months ago

    Gosh….I feel totally whelmed by this….so beautiful with such deep meaning (for me)….so happy I came across this…a morning of “serendipity” ….what does the rest of the day hold for me…what else is possible….love your wonderfyl writing Lily…..x

  • Ellanita, thank you very much; I’m honored that this could stir you in any way – it makes writing that much better to do! <3 thank you so much!

    – lilynoelle

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