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My precious heart

I wonder would my heart be found if I cast it out beyond the farthest flowers of the mountaintop, would it fly far and land in a place unknown; never again to trouble me, would I be free? If I swam out into the depths of the ocean and let it go, would it sink and land with a thud for all the weight it bears or would it float on top like a ghost, a phantom, drifting on, lost, alone, being scorched by the sun? If I opened my mouth wide enough and screamed into the void of night, the void of the moon, would my heart spill out of me and tumble along the ground until it found the gnarly roots of the oldest tree, and nestle deep, burrowing deeper into the underground until I no longer felt its painful rhythms? I wonder would it be safe there, I wonder would it still ache there? Would this yearning cease, would it bring me peace? What if I was to plant it beneath the sun flowers on the first day of spring? What if I said ‘I believe it will bloom’, as I tend it with hope? Would I be able to bring my heart back to life, would I be able to see beauty where once I could not?

I look at it now lying limp in my hands, haggard, bruised, dishevelled. I wonder if it’s possible, I wonder should I bother, I wonder should I kiss and love it anyway, even in its current sorry state. And shouldn’t I love you unconditionally; regardless of this mess you call existence? I wonder why you feel so much, I wonder what you really expect to receive and give in this day and age. I wonder how you could still possibly dream and believe in romance. I wonder could I pull out that old hat and dress and cover those hurts that seem too silly to share, too shameful to wear without make-up and accessories. Would that help us my dear heart, to carry on as one, to survive this slum? Or is that dress too torn and that hat too stained now to really fool anyone? Another game of hide and seek. For the pain remains beneath the frame, beneath the exterior of that not-so-promising disguise, and I know you want truth, I know you don’t want to hide anymore, I know you hate to be false, I know you want to be loved for your beauty and your pain, for your grace and that which is healing. And as I watch the blood drip, drip, drop, as I watch the glorious red fade from your cheeks, I see it is just I, with you lying sickly in my trembling hands. Do you really think that I could rescue you, could I have that kind of strength? After all we’ve been through together do you really still believe in me, do you really still believe?

I thought I heard a voice on the wind say ‘you’re stronger than you think’ to me, but did I hear right or did I hear wrong, for one can’t be too sure when nothing seems right… Well if you won’t give up than nor shall I. I won’t let sarcasm sit her big fat bottom on the last tiny faerie of hope, I’ll direct her instead to go sit on the past. I’ll call up Baubo to tell us a joke, to lift up her skirt and lighten the dark, and when we laugh, when we are gripping our belly’s and rolling on the floor we shall find something more, we shall find the sight to see love in the morrow, we shall hear the birds calling the dawn. We shall remember that I am you and you are me and together we are whole. I cannot harden or discard you without altering myself, my own state of being, for we came into this life together, you are my blood, my soul, my passion. So come to me with your aching and your beauty, come to me with your love and your wounds and I shall place you within, in that very special place, beneath my breasts where I can nurture you so. I promise to house you with honour and hope dear heart, I promise to keep you safe from harm. I promise to house you and gift you with love, and open your chakra to greet the sun. Yes, even on days when nothing seems fun…

My precious heart

LilyMunroe

Joined August 2008

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