When you make a real connection
with someone, when what
you say or do or create touches them
or they you, when some spark
of recognition that you have
discovered a missing piece
of yourself in someone else
dawns in the cortex of your brain,
that connection can play itself out
in the language
of sex -
sexually charged words,
sexually charged feelings.
Because it’s a language of its own –
the language of intimacy
that, unlike other words, however profound,
goes beyond the boundaries
of carefully proscribed relationships.
Not because of desire for
the physical act itself,
but instead born of the desire
for intimate communion,
expression, acceptance,
connection, identity.
This has nothing to do with gender
or proper roles or procreative need
or commitments to one
to whom our soul rightfully
and clearly and willingly belongs
because he or she has already made
the most cherished or elemental
unbreakable bond with us.
Nothing to do with flirtation
or promiscuity or infidelity –
honor and promises,
trust and bottomless deep love
for our mate keeps us
thankfully in check. And most
of us never cross that physical
or emotional demarcation line
or confuse one kind of love
for another if we take the time
to examine it for what it is
and is not.
Rather this language is a an expression
of a longing to touch and
be touched at the core of ourselves,
to share something of ourselves
and be one with another in a way
that transcends the everyday,
more impersonal glossary .
It’s the vocabulary of intimacy that
we know instinctively at the
very center of our being
but for which we have no other lexicon.
And this feeling, this response,
to such connection applies
to real friends of either gender
and of any age
who speak to our soul
as well as to the lover who
is our lifelong soul mate.
Love for another that goes
beyond the superficial
niceties and proprieties
plays itself out sometimes too,
in physical reaction,
in the language
our bodies know best –
the flutter of the heart,
the tickle of arousal,
the tears of overwhelming emotion,
the ache for more closeness -
that is indicative
of our most primal need –
to know and love another,
to be known and loved
for who we are.
©Lianne Schneider April 2008
boydmiller, 4 months ago
Well said Lianne, well said…
lianne in reply to boydmiller’s comment, 4 months ago
thank you so much Boyd, I appreciate your comment -as always, it means a great deal to me.
linaji, 4 months ago
if i did not have space and time. Between us i would be coming now for such a wonderous hug like I have never known. U have this love I am feeling so profoundly laid before me I am stunned captivated and best of all Loved . I honor u my dear dear co-creator..Namaste lianneji…...
lianne in reply to linaji’s comment, 4 months ago
And I would treasure the hug, my dearest Lina – and you are loved! I am so honored linaji, Hugs upon hugs.
butchart, 4 months ago
lianne… you never ever cease to amaze me…. what you have written here is the credo of my view that expresses it better than i could have… this feels like a personal gift…. and i thank you for that…........... peace , light and share the love….............b
lianne in reply to butchart’s comment, 4 months ago
thank you so much butch – I know somehow that you would get it! Much love, dear friend.
saleire, 4 months ago
to know and love another,
to be known and loved
for who we are.
............this for me says it all….to know….that is a big word…...to know…..and to be known…....that is all there is in this world…......and then….when we are truly known to each other….there is love, pure unconditional love…....for the unique person we are…......how fantastic is that to find in this world Lianne…...so many kinds of love yes…..but so few of them really KNOW us….and so they usually only love the outside or the image they have…....but when they know you and know all that is you…..then….yes…..we have true love. Oh Lianne….I read this over and over and it touches my heart so deeply…...it is something I have always longed for and wished for since I was a child…..or at least it seems that long….and you have expressed it perfectly here…thank you …...yes this is a gift….a wonderful inspiring gift to help us understand that we should not settle for anything less xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Love you my friend
lianne, 4 months ago
there are so many kinds of love, dear Sal – and too often difficult to express appropriately to the very people we most want to touch and be touched by. But it is in the “knowing” that we find real love, lasting friendship, sisterhood, brotherhood. We all long for it – so precious when we find it whether it is between friends or lovers, or both, isn’t it?
Susie Mac, 4 months ago
What a wonderfully descriptive and powerful piece …. as always lianne… dear friend… susie :)
JoanIreland1970, 4 months ago
Lianne, you have the right words for everything! Art does that to people, that is why it is so popular. It fills you with so many feelings! Well said, love.
lianne in reply to JoanIreland1970’s comment, 4 months ago
Awww thank you Joan, dear one – I knew you’d get it!! Can’t tell you what that means to me. Love you!
lianne in reply to Susie Mac’s comment, 4 months ago
Thank you so much susie – it was very hard to find the right words this time to say what i meant so I’m glad you liked it, dear friend!
whisperofco, 4 months ago
Not often do i find a piece such as this where i stop in my track and look twice. your answers here to the questions so many seek all life to find. i will tresure this piece and favorite it to keep!
this is more than just written advice, this is a key to a locked door.
now if you could just write about the secret to keep my house clean with three kids and to jobs you will have me truely amazed!
hilarydougill, 4 months ago
Beautifully well written. Unfortunately some mistake love for lust.
lianne in reply to whisperofco’s comment, 4 months ago
I’ll give that a try one of these days whisper – lol – having been there myself! I am so grateful for your comments, so glad this touched you, and more pleased than I can say that you understood what I was trying to say! Thank you so very much!
lianne in reply to hilarydougill’s comment, 4 months ago
Or perhaps the other way round, Hilary – mistaking lust for love, or misttaking the almost visceral reaction we have to a person’s art or writing for a sexual response when it’s just our reaction to being “known” or understood, for wanting some kind of bond with another who seems to speak to us and for us. Thank you so much Hilary. I always so value your comments, dear friend.
aspectsoftmk, 4 months ago
Rather this language is a an expression
of a longing to touch and
be touched at the core of ourselves,
to share something of ourselves
and be one with another in a way
that transcends the everyday,
more impersonal glossary
i love these words.. lianne..just a wonderful peace of writing my friend.
lianne in reply to aspectsoftmk’s comment, 4 months ago
thank you so very much Terri – you can’t know quite what it means to me that you understand and that you like it!
Del Millar, 4 months ago
Hi lianne, why am I not surprised you have crafted this piece?
Like-mindedness/soul connection amongst friends,lovers of the arts, perfectly explained,
and,
‘primal need’, the perfect expression.
You have, said it all, so well. Understanding, concurring, voice for all artists.
The ache to reach and be reached, the exquisite condition, extending our passions,
as further in, deeper in we go, to knowing, understanding, both others, and ourselves,
our potential endless. Our capacity to love beyond all breadth and depth.
Thank you and love
Caroline Gorka, 4 months ago
Oh my! I can so relate to this …this has so touched me.
lianne in reply to Del Millar’s comment, 4 months ago
Del, my friend, you have understood EXACTLY what I was saying and I’m in tears to know that. I can’t thank you enough for such generous comments. Much love indeed!
lianne in reply to Caroline Gorka’s comment, 4 months ago
I’m so very glad it did Caroline – and thank you for your lovely note. I am touched by your comments. Thank you so much!
Arie, 4 months ago
This really touches me Lianne, never did I read something so true. It goes right to the core of human being.
lianne in reply to Arie’s comment, 4 months ago
Arie that means a great deal to me, you are so very kind. I am glad it touched you and I hope it spoke for others too who cherish each other in friendship and through our art. We all do long to love and be loved, to know and be known, don’t we?
shanghaiwu, 3 months ago
this is an amazing piece of writing
lianne in reply to shanghaiwu’s comment, 3 months ago
thank you so very much – I’m glad it resonates with you and so pleased that you took the time to read and comment on my work! I appreciate it a great deal!
LindaR, 3 months ago
Lianne ~ your words script so well the language of my heart, soul and being ~ I have felt, known and lived all of this ~ and yet never have formed the words to so well describe what you have laid out so perfectly…you my friend, know the language of the heart & gift us all wisdom of ourselves with your words…I have no words to tell you how much this means to me ~ thank you my friend, I am sending you a hug! xxx
lianne in reply to LindaR’s comment, 3 months ago
Linda – you always give me so much encouragement – and far more back than I can express! It means so very much to me you know? Hugs right back to you, dear friend!
lilgem4u, 2 months ago
I am with Linda. I have been there, done that and still doing it. Thank you!
lianne in reply to lilgem4u’s comment, 2 months ago
Thank you Lil – I so appreciate your comment – it means a great deal to me. I think we’ve all been there – lol. And we all want to be known and loved for who we are I think – art is an especially good way to express that.