‘I love you’ –
is that just rhetoric?
Do we say it expecting
a return on our investment?
Or say it in payment
or gratitude for the
offering of love we’ve
so desperately sought
but don’t think we deserve?
Do we say it instead of,
say it for lack of
anything more honest?
Is it safer than sharing
that I want to be loved
but don’t know how to give it,
can speak it
but don’t know how to live it?
Is the pretense of an “I love you”
more comfortable than
apologies, more bearable
than the emptiness inside?
Is it perhaps a pleasing
self-delusion too?
Is it knowing that it’s what
someone wants to hear so perhaps
if we say it often enough
we’ll both believe it?
Who could refuse
an ‘I love you???’
Maybe I could –
I think I’ve outgrown
‘I love you’
as a panacea.
© Lianne Schneider May 2008
girlinthestars, about 1 month ago
oooh this is so so much!!
Is the pretense of an “I love you”
more comfortable than
apologies, more bearable
than the emptiness inside?
Is it perhaps a pleasing
self-delusion too?
goodness, that just speaks volumes. you wrapped up so much in a perfect little phrase…!~*
butchart, about 1 month ago
lianne… if i didn’t ‘love you so much’ i’d worry about this…..... but knowing you as i do… it’s a very analytical look at an overused phrase as a bandaid for many wrongs…................ but i still love you.. with all my love….love….b
lianne in reply to girlinthestars’s comment, about 1 month ago
Thank you so much Amy, my friend – it’s so good to be back and begin to just delight in all you’ve written lately and to hear from you in your so supportive way! I appreciate it more than I can say!
lianne in reply to butchart’s comment, about 1 month ago
And I love you Butch my friend – no return on investment expected – lol – just free offering to someone very very dear! And not rhetoric to me! Thank you you darling man!
butchart, about 1 month ago
:)
Madeline M. A..., about 1 month ago
My heart only speaks what I feel for my close relationships. I have had to learn to only say what I mean and mean what I say. A HARD LESSON AT TIMES through my life. But no mistake my dear friend Lianne , my heart feels love for your friendship. Have a wonderful day dear one ! xoxo
linaji, about 1 month ago
WAIT…YOU KNOW WHAT I A GONNA SAY…....’I LOVE THE HELL OUTTA YOU!! AND I STICKING TO IT!
hilarydougill, about 1 month ago
I commented on this, and then there was a fatal error haha. Beautiful insight into human nature. Love is mistaken for lust and it makes people feel better if they pretend they are ‘in love’ when in fact, they don’t even understand the word. Love is all encompassing and unconditional.
Beautifully written lianne, well done, you have clear sight.
lianne in reply to linaji’s comment, about 1 month ago
LMAO Lina dear – I love you too! I’m pretty sure I was talking about a different version of I love you maybe – lol.
lianne in reply to Madeline M. Allen’s comment, about 1 month ago
And mine for yours Maddy dear friend! An I love you to a friend is different – and you have a non-rhetorical one from me. It is a hard lesson to learn and sometimes hard to discern whether it is just rhetoric or the real thing! Thank you so much, Maddy – your friendship is a treasure to me!
lianne in reply to hilarydougill’s comment, about 1 month ago
hmmm maybe we are destined not to get this commentary right – my response got disconnected too – lol. Yes, Hilary, love is all encompassing and unconditional. And it’s painful to discover that an I love you from someone isn’t really that – or to deceive ourselves into thinking we are in love when perhaps we are not. In any case, loving friendship is more honest than that kind of rhetoric so I can say unequivocably that I cherish yours. Thank you for your wisdom, my dear friend!
devotee1, about 1 month ago
I am remembering my dad and mom. It seemed Dad worked all the time to put food on the table…walked around with holes in his shoes so I would have a good pair for school. Mom was constantly busy with washing, ironing and cooking—we were three boys. I don’t believe she ever rested— just collapsed. I can’t remember either Her or Dad ever hugging me or saying, I love you—but I just knew they did. I think, when it’s felt…when it’s there…or can be worked on, we know deep inside.
Susie Mac, about 1 month ago
Very well written and great insight Lianne… it is so strange that we can have feelings across the computer waves, but as we get to know each other and become friends, we can feel that love for a friend just as much as if we are with them in real life. I appreciate your friendship Lianne. I know this because i met my fiance over the internet and loved him before i met him… i think we can relate to internet friendships and relationships here at RB …dont you? ... susie :)
lianne in reply to devotee1’s comment, about 1 month ago
Indeed – such profound wisdom my dear Joe – my Dad was much the same. But the bottom line truth is “I think, when it’s felt…when it’s there…or can be worked on, we know deep inside.” And we know when it isn’t and all the “I love yous” can’t make it so, can it? Thank you my very dear friend!
lianne in reply to Susie Mac’s comment, about 1 month ago
Oh I certainly do agree Susie – your friendship is so terribly important to me as well. And yes I can feel the love and give it without reservation to friends I’ve met here especially. I too loved before meeting someone and yes that love is as true and real as can be. Love you Susie!
greeneyedlady, about 1 month ago
yeah…what do you do when you realize one day you’ve said it a thousand times, and sincerely meant it, but never really, truly understood what it was all about? That didn’t change for me until my son was born. When I first held him, I finally knew real love, not contingent upon ANYTHING, I knew what it meant, and I knew what i’d been missing.
Wonderful way with words you have, lady!
lianne, about 1 month ago
or you’ve heard it a thousand times and find out it didn’t mean what you thought it did? Yes when your children are born you finally know – that unconditional, all encompassing, give my life for you kind of feeling. Nothing like it in the world.
Summayyah Sadi..., about 1 month ago
Oh my gosh lianne! you have such a fantastic depth, i just cant get enough of it! Ihave always had an instinctive block to saying the words except when i really mean them and not just when passions are running wild! Where i come from its not the words, but the actions and context in which affection and compassion are expressed. This really sets me off and vindicates my wariness in expressing something for the wrong reasons or something not there in the first place. Bottomline…Ilove it!!!!!!
Nancy Fischer, about 1 month ago
If I never heard “I love you” again for as long as I lived but felt the “love” from another that would be ok with me. When the words “I love you” become something that a person can’t tolerate holding inside of them and something that must be spoken, well then it’s real and the person that hears those words knows it. There is not pretense when it’s real! YOU KNOW THAT!
lianne, about 1 month ago
Exactly my point my dear friend – it can’t be just words, one has to feel it to know it’s real. And I wasn’t speaking for myself – lol. I agree with you that if I never heard it again, it wouldn’t matter at all if I felt it. And don’t yell at me, Nancy – lol – believe me I do KNOW it. Gosh you are just so damned good a friend!
lianne in reply to Summayyah Sadiq-Ojibara’s comment, about 1 month ago
You are a very special friend, Summayyah – I can’t tell you what your affirmation means to me! Totally agree, actions speak the truth that words often may not. And we should be wary of saying something for the wrong reasons. So appreciate you my friend – thank you!
Nancy Fischer, about 1 month ago
Ha! Well it was more that i was writing my comment and then suddenly it dawned on me – the irony of this poem from someone so in tune! I did what I wish people wouldn’t do when reading my own work – i took for granted that it was personal. Whoops! A sign of an excellent piece of writing? Sorry. I love you.
lianne in reply to Nancy Fischer’s comment, about 1 month ago
Hey I love you too!!! And it was personal but not in the way you thought – lol.
Talkingwatermelon, about 1 month ago
I agree – “I love you” holds about as much sway as, “I’m sorry.” Overused, misused, and abused. Unfortunate, really, but people will always be people. That’s where we fall short – we never aspire to be more than human because most believe that’s the height of aspiration. I’d much rather be words on a page… or a tiger… I can never decide.
aspectsoftmk, about 1 month ago
sometimes no amount of the words will make a difference….and sometimes they will…it is nice to see words by you …i have missed those make me think thoughts….you are a special person lianne….great thoughts my friend….
LindaR, about 1 month ago
well my friend, I have just come over to your place now and found this amazing writing ~ so appropriate I could hug you ~ piercing to the heart of the matter ~ in ways we can all feel and understand ~ I have been on both sides & now I feel the truth of an I love you ~ needs no words at all…xxx
saleire, about 1 month ago
I find when you are really love someone Lianne….....the words are never needed…...they are felt in the heart like a knowing sensation and when they are said…the eyes shine, the voice breaks and the hands reach out…...and you know. So….Just know Lianne…..that you are loved and will be cherished for the rest of your life by one who thinks you are special….....me xxxxx
lianne in reply to Talkingwatermelon’s comment, about 1 month ago
Hi Brad – thank you so much for your insight and for understanding this so well. Live it, don’t say it, I guess is my point. Your comment means a lot to me.
lianne in reply to aspectsoftmk’s comment, about 1 month ago
Actions always speak louder and more convincingly, don’t they? Of course if the words are accompanied by actions and a sense of loving and being loved, then you have the perfect combination because it’s sure nice to hear them when they are heartfelt! Thank you so much, my friend – I’ve missed you too!
lianne in reply to LindaR’s comment, about 1 month ago
They are lovely words to hear and share when they are honest, heartfelt and lived as much as spoken. I’m so very glad you came to visit, my friend and that you liked this! Love you!
lianne in reply to saleire’s comment, about 1 month ago
Ahhh Sal my dearest friend – as you are loved! But you’re right, the words aren’t needed, just lovely to hear them spoken with truth and passion, aren’t they? And thank you from my heart, dear one!
beast, about 1 month ago
another great peice lianne, and a very good question. I like to think that i mean it when i say it, the thing is not to let it become one of those phrases, well done :-)
lianne in reply to beast’s comment, about 1 month ago
hey I’ve missed you young man! Thank you so very much, my friend – you obviously got this exactly as it was meant. I so appreciate your comment!