You want me to immediately begin to fix things
I cant.
At the time when you are wanting to reconcile
I can do anything but that.
When all I feel to do is scream,
I stray
So KNOW this
I want to change….
Whatever I do to handle this
Besides scream and walk away
Will be, what I like to call, undeniably fake.
I am not you.
I dont want to pretend,
I want to be real.
Have control of my thoughts
And control how I feel
Dont try and change me.
I want to shut my mouth,
I want to destroy my tongue
Those apologetic actions
Increase my rage.
Like wind to a fire
I burn like flames
I dont want to be fake
We are not the same.
I am out of control but not to blame
From the fear, I cannot hide
I need the hurt, the pain inside
I need it to live, to breathe, to survive.
I cannot pretend
I need to walk away
I cant change what I feel
I cannot transform my emotions
At the drop of a hat
Why cant you see -
Don’t ask for that
amarica
Leslie, when one loves, they give as much as they take. If this relationship is bringing you pain, perhaps it is not the one you should be in. But, that said, if it is meant to be, you will feel and know the joy of love without the torment of anger and fiery emotions tearing you apart with every moment spent defending yourself. You cannot truly give of yourself it you are always on the defensive. That is not love, it is control. We need control, but not from another person. Self control is good, but domination by another is enslavement. Your spirit will fight for breah and freedom from being dominated by anyone. Stay beautiful and pray for the peace that comes from knowing God. He can make all things right.
Adam Bykowski
Hopefully this is only a moment of anger and frustration. We all have fights and bad moments. I hope this is not a frequent occurrence. Well written and very poetic, Leslie.