March 2nd
Sent flowers to my sister Tony. Found them on my doorstep today with all the heads cut off. Wonder what she’s so upset about. Couldn’t remember why I even sent her flowers. Did someone die? Must search past diary entrants for clues. Clues, clues, clues. If you say clues fifty times in a row you start to sound like a pigeon. Why do pigeons say clues? Must look it up.
Later.
They don’t say clues.
March 4th
Mum’s Birthday. Rocked up a little bit tipsy from a working lunch that day. Mum reminded me I didn’t have a job. I wonder who the hell I pitched the Kinsky account to then. Tony was in tears and some guy who appeared to be with her was glaring daggers at me. Kept referring to himself as “Guy”. What a stupid name. I soon put him in his place. Mum kept telling me if my father were alive he would die with fright over what I’ve become. I dare say he would. He always said I’d amount to nothing. How he must be spinning!
March 6th
Remembered today that my name is “Guy”. Everything Tony’s man was saying makes sense, and I must say, it wasn’t very friendly. Must plot revenge. Made friends with a great dog in the park today. He just sat there and let people climb all over him. I named him Walter.
March 7th
Walter is gone! There is a jungle gym there instead now. Have posted flyers. Didn’t have photos so I just gave a vague desciption. Six foot tall, red, and plastic. No calls.
March 9th
Miss Walter so much. Still no calls. Must distact myself. Have come up with perfect revenge plan against that guy whose name I can’t remember. I just need to find out where he lives.
March 11th
Tony’s for dinner. The guy lives with her! Her husband none the less. Tony got all teary when I yelled at her for not inviting me to the wedding. Borrowed the guy’s car to get home. Well, he’ll find out that I borrowed it. Must remember to destroy all evidence.
March 13th
Got a letter from Tony’s guy today. Nothing written, just a picture of me and him at a wedding, both wearing matching suits. No sign of Tony in the pic though. (Horrible thought, did me and the guy get married?) The pic was from about twenty years ago. (Second horrible thought, how old am I?)
March 17th
After discovering possible gay marriage and that I’ve aged terribly over the last week, have decided to change my ways. No more hanging with people who decide to make up lies and photoshop viscous rumours into my past. Very angry. Going out.
Later.
Feeling much better now!
March 19th
Don’t feel well. Stomach churning.
March 21st
Felt worse, yakked in pot plant, felt better. Found car keys. Wondered where I left my car. Wondered why I ate my car keys.
March 26th
Received call today from possible ex husband/Tony’s husband. Asked me why the hell I drove his car off an embankment. I can honestly say that I don’t remember that incident. That stumped him. Or at least I assume it did because all he did was hang up on me. Out to celebrate perfect revenge!
March 28th
Arraignment. The judge said he wasn’t too pleased to see me again. I told him I hadn’t yet had the pleasure. Wondered what I’d did.
Later.
Horror. Disparity. All those words that I’m not sure are words are very, very relevant to this feeling. I was not arrested. I only wish I was. I was married, to a woman called Joyce. Joyce! Definitely must search past diary entries for clues.
March
The sage continues…
Conrad Stryker, about 1 month ago
I dig what you’re doing with these. It’s a very difficult task to write a story in journal-style bits and fragments like this whilst not breaking character and keeping a tone of authenticity. You’ve done well.
keet, 3 days ago
very good,and witty.