'The Dark Star'

The woman’s a living goddamn nova. She radiates beauty, charisma and charm, infused with a sultry brand of good old-fashioned sex appeal; and she does this effortlessly, naturally. She wields a kind of wide-eyed, wondrous, good-natured curiosity; tempered by an almost jaded, sharp intellect, the kind garnered by those who have experienced a great deal over the course of their journeys. She’s the kind of girl that stops time when she walks into a room, and she’s either oblivious to, or disbelieving of the fact that all these things are true of her. Which makes her all the more beautiful. It’s true that none of us are flawless, but the things I perceived about her that would be classified as such, the chief trait perhaps being a reckless sort of abandon; are justified such by all she has endured, that they serve somehow to add to her stature. 

She is simply put, a goddess. Though I’m truly glad to learn that she seems to have finally found herself a lasting measure of happiness; I lament only that it will not again in this life be given to me to kiss her as if she’s the only thing in the history of this world that has ever mattered; perhaps more’s the notion that I never managed quite to do so when the chance was mine.

All of this aside she compels me with frightening strength, on some far deeper; more abstract level that I can not for the life of me define. Given the nature of what I am, this unsettled me catastrophically, and though I managed not to resolve what it is about her that caused this sanity-buckling resonance in me; I must be resolute in the knowledge that it is a question to surrender to the vast, as beyond me for now. 

Perhaps in time as I grow and prosper, the answer will come to me unbidden, when I’m long gone beyond desire for or thought of its attainment.

'The Dark Star'

Laszlo Totka

Sydney, Australia

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