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'The Prayer'

The incense smoke rises from my soul,
for I am the flame that is burning.
The darkness and the light are fused in my spirit.
The ice that forms my veins, traffics pure light.
The heat of summer fuels my blackened tortuous heart,
the shiver down your spine, paints my eyes the deepest blue.
I wield the blade and bear the shield,
when the flare clears your waking eyes my armour vanishes.
The boy I was and used to be, he lives in part now, within me.
I take his pain and paint my sleeves, for he tempers me with compassion.
For I am mortal, walking heir, and fear is known to us.
Sometimes tears well up behind my eyes,
for divinity, they sent me here and left me part-intact.
Enough of before to fuck me up, right in the here and now.
Creative, I am talented, fickle, caring, violent.
Mostly I just play along and walk the world as you do.
But I remember and perceive, that which you do not care to.

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Let me tell you honestly, for I fear no vaunted hollow judgment – That though I know with confidence, the path I’m blindly wandering; I’m wracked by this impediment. A doubting fickle tendency to be so self-destructive, to crave the things I cannot have, to deal in blatant hypocrisy and thus to be irrevocably human.

Despite all this I feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, I drink, I laugh, I play. Kiss those goddesses, one by one, and sing through the pouring rain.

But I remember and perceive, that which you do not care to.

I’m anchored here but my mind is not, I am like you, but I feel not, an ounce of comfort in that.

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When it creeps in slowly, threatening nearer, that’s when I invoke it.
The prayer that I have interred here, amongst the crazed, the babble;

‘Forgive me please, for all I’ve done
I love you now in memory.
I pray that simply I’m enough,
to be, and rise above this.
I’ll face the darkness come what may;
to love and serve the others.
I’ll fight, and carry on this day;
it’s this, to you, I promise.’

'The Prayer'

Laszlo Totka

Sydney, Australia

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