“there are a list of things i want you to remember”…. thats how it always starts,
this stirring in my underside where what i wear protects what i have. i heard those words and tried to make a list myself , i starting with the dinosaurs in your pocket. next was the sounds that you make at complete frustration. my walls crumble around me when i think to use serendipity to borrow sugar or milk barring the fact that i use neither but maybe here you will brush aside our difference and toss aside those yesterdays in favor of today and the hands i hold at my side. in favor of the portals of trust now existing in these pan sexed eyes. i think more painted scars are needed to remind me of the time i refused to kneel yet should have and no sorry can bring back a moment like that. you said you wanted a mountain and an ocean in order for me to explain why i would spend my nights tangled in brown tangling around my feet and curling under our heat. thats next on the list, the hours spent moving , racing , friction enough to take what began straight and controlled into a curled moist nest , both hair and lip. i can’t forget looking down and your lips curled and snarling and your hair clinging desperately to my shoulders and my chest your hands surrendered to our task. your mind surrenders often and gives way to landslide and affectionate tears that pull me into them coating me in salt and desire to begin again more forceful , stronger. i’m having trouble listing the items that pain me to have lost , like those dinosaurs in your pocket handed down from the women before you that wisdom that kept you distanced and sometimes annoyed. now and then the color of wheat in someones eye offers more than a yellow light pausing as i contemplate the rest of my life not knowing you as i have , succumbing to the cold praying for a gift. succumbing to the chilliness that accompanies loneliness. my mind breaks as i shovel coal into this debauchous furnace shivering from the cold sleeveless wrinkle in forever since i’ve seen you.